did you win at least?

j/k

Most considerate people would not say anything at all - but it could've been a slip up

Ah well, brush it off as a mistaken identity

PLEASE BE DISCREET!

I was at the casino with a close family member and a friend when the blackjack dealer called me by my provider name.   OMFG!!!   I pretended like I had no idea who he was talking to and just completely and totally ignored the guy.    Neither of my people said anything to me about it so I hope and pray that neither do at anytime in the future either.  Of course, if they do, I will face the consequences but WTF people............

IF YOU SHOULD RUN INTO US IN A PUBLIC PLACE:

DO NOT USE OUR PROVIDER NAMES (MOST ESPECIALLY IF YOU MUST GREET US IN SOME FASHION, FOR EXAMPLE, AS PART OF YOUR JOB I.E. B.J. DEALER, SALESMAN, ETC).  Try Miss, Ma'am, or Hey you! instead.  Thanks.

DO NOT ACKNOWLEDGE THAT YOU RECOGNIZE US (OTHER THAN AN UNASSUMING SMILE OR NOD OF THE HEAD)

and run the other way.  

You make it sound like we are looking for a "real date" or we are desperate or something.  I doubt I have seen with you with your attitude. But if I have (hopefully not), you can be assured I would never consider acknowledging you in any way.  Personally, I would never even consider acknowledging or saying hi to any provider outside of my paid sessions. I already have a wife, girlfriends, and multiple providers I see on a regular basis.

Question for you...What do I tell my ATF when she calls my cell phone (when I am around my family) and asks for $200 for her rent.  She then says she is "good for it" and will make it up for me later in our sessions.  Any thoughts on this subject matter Discretion_NOT?

Another thing, please turn off the CAPS LOCK.  It is more annoying to me than it would be for you when a fellow hobbyiest says hi to you in public.

You're calling her out because she's justifiably upset because some guy called her by her escort name in public?  How would you like it if your ATF ran into you while you are out with your family and she made it clear she knew who you were, maybe even asked when you were going to call her?  BTW, you have every right to be unhappy if your ATF is calling you to ask for money.  If that really happened, makes me wonder why she is your ATF but hey that's your call.

In public is in public.  People around her can HEAR you (sorry for caps, they're for emphasis purposes).  On the phone is on the phone, and unless you have speakerphone on when you get that call, don't worry.  If you're that worried about getting found out for fooling around, don't fool around dude.

OK, so you were recognized.  So the guy said something.  For all you know he just had a friend who brought up your ad to show him how [hot/not hot/old/young/quality/unrealistically overpriced/etc] you are.  The point is you don't even have any idea if the dealer is a hobbiest or not, but you still felt it necessary to get right on this board and proceed to vent and order people around IN CAPS (as pointed out above as well) as if we are clueless oafs.  What you said has been repeated here many times and in a much more polite, tactful manner.  

You are the one who escorts, so if you don't like the possibility of being recognized by someone in public, quit.

gmafb,   common sense, common coutesy, the lady's request/point is totally reasonable.   So, if you and your wife are walking around the mall, would you not want the same courtesy?   Even though you chose to be one who pays women to have sex.   GMAFBYFing Ahole.

Wow, talk about lack of discretion!!   LOL.  Do you happen to be a blackjack dealer?

My thoughts on your predicament:  get a new ATF and do not use your hobby phone for anything other than the hobby.

annoyance with the way in which a provider talks about discretion mean that I "still don't get it?"

1.  She did not go off on the entire hobby community at TER.  The subject line makes it quite clear whee it says "some of you guys"

2.  If we limited ourselves to issues that have never been discussed before, there would be very few threads here.  In any event, some people clearly haven't gotten the message.  Of course, there is no guarantee the dealer will read or hear about this but so far as I know this is the local forum with the widest audience.  And quite frankly, if all she was doing was venting, I'm fine with that as well.

3.  I see nothing rude about her post.  I know what caps means and if she wants to shout a bit, I can understand her being upset.  I know very well it wasn't directed at me and the only people who should feel it was directed at them are those who don't understand being discrete.

4.  Obviously there are risks associated with being an escort but going out in public should not be one of them.  The person who did something wrong was the dealer, not the escort.  If an escort approached you uninvited in public while you were with family and/or friends, who would be in the wrong?  You?  No.  It would be her.

He gave his ATF his personal cell number. Either that or he used his personal cell to hobby and now he is shit out of luck.

How do you explain to your wife why you suddenly want to change your cell number or why it is constantly off when she is around?

Good luck with that!

Especially Random...

This is not the first time I have been recognized in public and been approached and called by my provider name.  I was in Wal Mart one time when I first started as an escort.  I was alone that time
so all things considered, it was not so bad.  I put it on my FAQ page though just to be safe and was very sweet and kind and explained what I thought the proper and gentlemanly etiquette would be if a man should run into me in a public place.  Thousands have read what I wrote.    

I blur my pictures.   I  PURPOSELY dress down and don't wear makeup when I go out for non-work occasions.   One would NEVER guess I am an escort.   NONE of my family or civie friends know I am an escort.    I do not talk on my hobby phone when I am around my family and civie friends, the ringer is in silent mode or completely off.  I do not talk about or live the hobby when I am with family and civie friends.  In public, I rarely answer my hobby phone and when I do, I am very careful as to what and how I speak.  Often, I will step outside or sit in my car alone to talk on my hobby phone.  I think you get the picture, right.   My civie life is completely seperate from my hobby life...as it should be.   So, as you see, I try to be discreet.

How can I be more discreet?  Lock myself in my room and never come out?  Would that do the trick?  That won't work because I have a life and will live it.  

By the way, the caps were for emphasis only and not to be bitchy or to shout.  As Vorlon pointed out, the subject line said "some" of you guys and this is one of my only other outlets other than my site to express my discontent and concern and to get the message to the widest audience.  I am probably not the only gal this has happened to so thought it needed to be addressed yet AGAIN.  

I apologize if my underlying tone was a bit rough yesterday...I was HOT at the time as it was a fresh occurence. Forgive me for that but be accepting of the message.

I am done speaking on this subject.  All I am asking is that you please be a little mindful of your surroundings when on your hobby phone or in public when you spot a provider.

In before the lock!

I for one will be mindful of the potential impact of such common courtesies in public.

Next time you are in a restaurant having family dinner, should a provider who knows you from one of the Meets and Greets or private sessions recognize you, it is perfectly OK for her to come over, plant wet kiss on you and say "Hun, where you been?  Missed you silly!!!"

After all, by WILLFULLY engaging in this hobby you should know that not all escorts know better than that


Lina

The operant rule here is: we don't even know each other in civie life and have never even met. Goes for both client and provider. Duh. We communicate only for business purposes. Duh. Keep your personal and professional/hobbyist lives separate.

She is simply ranting about some jackass that did something highly inappropriate.  You make it sound like she had is coming because some hooker pissed you off.

Let me see if I understand your position.  You voluntarily engage in an activity that you publicize and promote by publishing sexually provocative photos of yourself on the internet, along with a clear message that you are willing to have sex, in exchange for money .  In addition, you promote yourself by encouraging men to post "reviews" on the internet with explicit descriptions of your most intimate sexual activities.

You have instigated all of this promotional activity, on your own behalf.  And now, you feel that you should be able to rely upon US, the people who see your advertising and read your reviews, to protect your privacy?

An I missing something?  This seems very naive on your part.  What have we, the "hobbyists," done to make you think that we are a reliable group that you should trust with your personal secrets?  

The profession you have chosen pays well, in part, because it involves some risk.  If you're not comfortable with the risk, you should move on to something else.  If you want to blame someone for not respecting your privacy, you'll have to look in the mirror.

The elemental idea that all of us who are involved in this, be they escort or hobbyist, should be discrete.  That when we happen to encounter each other outside of our arranged get-togethers that we should act as though we are strangers.  To me this is a basic concept that I figured out even before the first time I called an escort.  Obviously, some people don't understand this so it is necessary to keep explaining it in the hope that they will get it at some point.

And as far as the whole advertising and reviews matter goes, this is not a normal business.  She is not renting space in a mall with a big Escort'R'Us sign out front for obvious reasons.  For the same reasons, those of us who patronize these businesses should not go around doing things that jeopardize such businesses.

"Should, should, should..."

I agree with everything you say, "vorlon."  

However, this provider clearly places a high value on her privacy and anonymity.  That being the case, she wrong to expect that everyone who is exposed to her promotional efforts will be aware of the "rules" you describe and choose to be bound by them.

These marketing venues are open to the public, and incidents, such as she describes, are inevitable.  Her ranting, at us, will not change that fact.  If she cannot accept that, she would do well to move on to other work, or take precautions to reduce the likelihood that this will happen again.

It's not that complicated.  Whining that she can't trust people that she shouldn't trust anyway accomplishes nothing.  

finally, a sane voice in an otherwise insane world.

Those points got me thinking and even though I still think Discretion_NOT!!'s post overall was objectionable, at least a good discussion is coming out of it.  To get it out of the way, I do strongly disagree with the contention that the only people who may feel it is directed at them are indiscrete.

As to point 4, you and this entire thread is sidestepping a huge issue; society at large frowns upon prostitution and it is illegal most everywhere in the US, and most reasonable hobbiests probably concede that "paying for time" when sex is anticipated or expected is basically thinly-veiled prostitution.  Anyone can think that being recognized-and potentially outed-in public *shouldn't* be a risk of escorting, but that is ignoring this reality.  

Again, Discretion_NOT!! gives no indication that the dealer was a client of hers or even that she knew him to be involved in hobbying.  So who is more in the wrong here?  The person skirting or even breaking the law (her) and expecting everyone else to keep quiet, or the person who doesn't play ignorance in front of her acquaintances in public (the dealer)?

An escort seeing a hobbiest in public, or vice versa, is probably less likely to result in one being "outed," but unless it was explicitly stated not to say hi to each other in public, neither person has much to complain about if it happens.  That may sound unreasonable, but remember that it is only your assumption that a client/escort will pretend not to know you in public.

I posted above before I saw that you were addressing so much about the topic here, so my apologies if that seems a little harsh in light of what you said here.

To answer your question, you describe a lot of the things I had in mind.  But for the level of privacy you desire, maybe you could avoid posting any pictures whatsoever.  It may cause a loss of clientele, but there is no question it is a huge step up in discretion.  Another big way to make a barrier between private and hobby life that you don't mention doing is to only escort in areas that you don't live, work, or play.  

I don't think we are ignoring the reality of what we are doing; rather this is about what sort of behavior helps reduce the risks involved.  And I don't see whether or not the dealer had seen the escort professionally or exactly how he knew she was an escort has anything to do with that.

As far as the matter of who is more in the wrong, I would say that comes down to whether or not you think escorting is wrong. This is not the same as whether or not it is illegal; right vs wrong is a different question.  I see nothing wrong with being an escort so long as the escort is freely choosing to be one.  Certainly, she should be able to go out in public.  Is there a risk with that?  Obviously, because she never knows when she might run into someone who recognizes her and doesn't think to keep his or her mouth shut.  But that doesn't mean she is in the wrong any more than you would be if an escort who new you came up to you in public and openly greeted you inf front of whomever you were with.

As far as an explicit agreement goes, that is completely impractical IMHO.  How could she possibly get everyone who sees her ad to agree to such?  How could a hobbyist get a similar agreement from every escort he contacts?  Even if you could do such a thing, there would be no way to truly enforce it.  "Rules" about being discrete are for the benefit of us all by helping reduce risk.  No, you can't eliminate the risk completely but that doesn't mean that when someone screw up like this that we should just ignore it either.

I see nothing unusual about this provider's desire for privacy and anonymity.  I've yet to meet one who said they would be fine with the world at large knowing what they were doing, even though some take a lot more care than others.  I certainly don't want "civilians" to know I do this and I daresay you feel the same.

And yes, this is about what people should do even though we all know some of them won't.  That doesn't mean we should just ignore poor behavior.  It is in all of our interests to encourage discrete behavior; the dealer in this case was being anything but.

Keeping these tools in mind may help you remember which of these words is which:

"Discrete" is about separating into distinct parts (notice how the two e’s are separated.)

"Discreet", on the other hand, is about keeping information contained and under wraps (notice how the e’s are closed up within the boundaries of the word.)

Honestly, it's not so much that he said Hi or that he recognized me somehow eventhough I blur my pics.  It's the fact that he addressed me by my provider name.  If he could not resist the urge to say 'HI there', why did he use my name?   I could have dealt with it easy enough if he had not done that.  My family does not know all of my friends but they do know my real name obviously.  It would be rather difficult to explain why some guy is calling me by a name other than the one my parents gave me.  You all know that escorts do not use their real names, right?  At least I do not.

Your analogy fails in that 1) I do not advertise myself on the internet with nude pictures of myself and a detailed description of my sexual habits, and 2) I am not assuming a risk in exchange for compensation.  If that did happen to me, you are correct that I would bear the blame for associating with a person who was so stupid as to do that to me.

How do you know he was speaking to you? How do you know that he was not speaking to someone else, or that he thought you were someone else?

By the way, I have absolutely no way to know whether an escort uses her real name, or not.  I would suggest that, other than yourself, and, maybe, your friends, you don't know either.  Other than check ID, how could we know?