Happy Hobbying/Holidays
A recent post of mine and some of the responses made me think about what these terms mean to different people. Maybe I am just naive as to what people think of as the "screening process." Namely, if most people think of that as including giving references.
To me, giving references is not necessarily a part of the screening process. I think of "screening" just as a provider gathering name, phone number, email, and maybe employment information or a little background info or description. Generally I'd describe it as the provider having gathered enough information that the guy knows he can't pull any funny business since she could track him down.
Then I'd call verification the actual act of confirming that the person the provider screened is the person she is meeting (so pretty much showing a govt' issued photo ID).
So is that different from what most people think or would you all say most people think the same thing?
I think screening includes checking ref.
To me, when I hear screening or verification, it means the same thing. References is one type of screening.
When I hear the terms "screening" or "verification," they mean the same thing to me. It's time to move on. There is no provider available that is worth the risk of having my personal information available to a provider for her to misuse. If the provider is not comfortable seeing me without screening, I'll see someone else.
Providers with screening "rules" often follow up with rules related to their menu and services. I don't feel a need to pay for the experience of following a provider's rules. Despite the high opinions that many providers have of themselves, we have many options available to us.
My body my rules. Makes no difference what my screening process is, I have rules in place to protect my body, life, health and future.
You are way off base by saying you don't pay to have an experience with rules.
It sounds like you enjoy raping (obviously since you have zero respect for boundaries and rules).
You play the game the way you wanna play.
I'll play the way I wanna play--safe and smart.
My safety and reputation mean more to me than a few Bennies. I don't want my kids, friends, neighbors, etc. seeing my picture on TV as busted, or God forbid, dead.
You just don't get it, do you? I could give a flying fuck about your personal information, other than is it you and not Officer Joe Friday or Jack the Ripper pretending to be you.
Where in the hell did THIS come from? "Providers with screening "rules" often follow up with rules related to their menu and services." I don't know where you've been hobbying, but everyone I know has their extra charges listed (Trips to Greece) and they do what their profile says they do. I guess I could be wrong on that, but if I am, can't you backchannel that information?
This subject has been discussed so damn many times. If you don't want to be screened, move on.
If you really want to spend time with the lady of your choice you will give her the information she needs to make her feel comfortable.
I may not agree with what some of the ladies want and need for screening, but as the other poster stated, it is HER body and HER safety.
You are correct, there are many options available. We also have a choice in the matter. That isn't "high opinions of themselves", it's called smart business practices.
Happy New Year!
Hugs,
JD
JD you are correct, this topic has been discussed ad nauseum. I don't think the OP intended this to be a debate about whether to screen or not screen. Rather, it was a query as to what everyone's EXPECTATION was with regard to the screening process. Threecups and brutallyhonest obviously have an expectation just like the rest of us do.
Provider or hobbyist, I think everyone here respects everyone's safety, boundaries and right to operate how they see fit. And it is evident that people on either side of the "screen or not screen" divide will never get the other to change. Nobody needs to get mad about that... because that's what is great about America - we all get to have an opinion! And there's nothing wrong with that.
Just as threecups was probably out of line for making the blanket statement that ladies who screen think too highly of themselves and have extra rules, brutallyhonest was equally out of line for making the leap that his opinion makes him a rapist.
Personally, I have given my real name to three providers. I did so because I wanted very much to see them and knew that was one of the costs of admission. They also had established a level of trust for me. There are certain providers that I will do that for in the future as well. That being said, I think you can appreciate how giving out real and personal information can be disconcerting to some. You know who we are, but we don't know who you are. So while yourself and other providers "may not give a flying fuck" about our personal info - we don't know that. When you break it down, your statement that you don't care about our personal information holds about as much weight to many hobbyists as a hobbyists statement that they are not officer Joe Friday or jack the ripper would hold for you. Maybe that's not the best analogy, but I hope everyone gets my point.
Go find your bargain girl on BP and shell out that 70 bucks at super 8. she wont ask. and you've been lucky so far. But shes got plenty of rules, dont touch this dont do that. its this much more to do this or that.
Im not inviting anyone over who will be bigger and stronger than me unless i know something about that person and know hes been a gentleman with a few others.
i wont see you. Im not taking that chance. I will pass on you.
I'm not sure if you really meant that you were going to pass on ME (since you replied to my message), but I did not make that statement. The person (threecupsplease) who made the statement that offended you and others posted under an alias. If you meant him and not me, it sounds like it would be a mutual decision since he doesn't give out personal info and you require it.
If you DID mean me, I guess there's not much I can do about that - especially since I don't know who you are. I mentioned in my post that I HAVE given my real info out. But just because I do not always provide my real name and workplace does NOT mean that I do not provide screening info (references, etc) when they have been requested.
How unfair that you should take the diplomatic high road, acting as a peacemaker, and you end up getting painted with the same brush as me!
Welcome to my world. It's amazing the back channel PM's I get from sophisticated providers who threaten never to see me, because I won't give them references or ID! Look at the woman just below your comment, who say's "remember, YOU'RE paying to touch ME." She must mean you, or somebody else, but I know she can't mean me. I swear I could smell the cigarette smoke on her, over the internet.
Have a great weekend.
You are very statesmanlike. Thank you. It is a nice break from the "if you don't agree with me, you're crazy, and stupid" type of bomb throwing that is so popular with our offended "providers."
A small point, but I never made "the blanket statement that ladies who screen think too highly of themselves and have extra rules." I DID say that "despite the high opinions that many providers have of themselves, we have many options available to us."
I can tell if a provider has a high opinion of herself, but I can never tell if a provider has too high of an opinion of herself. How could I know that? After all, we're all a bunch of strangers, aren't we?
Have a good weekend, and keep up the "shuttle diplomacy." You're pretty good at it.
" You know who we are, but we don't know who you are."
How in the world do we know who you are? We don't have the slightest idea who John 612-222-3333 is. It's usually a cell and we can't reverse look up cells free. If not a cell it's a pay as you go cell that's not traceable. I'm trying to figure out why you would think we would know who you are. I'm sorry Newbie, but how can we know who you are?
If you're seeing reputable providers you know we are real by the number of our reviews.
If a lady has two or three reviews, she *might* not be legit. If you do your homework on the lady you choose to see, you should see she's been reviewed by some reputable hobbiests, which would prove she is who she says she is. You can back back channel them to ask to double check if it would make you feel safer.
What I meant about not caring about your personal information was that what do you really think I'm gonna do with it? I'm sorry, I may really like you, and we have fun, but this is a business, and when you leave, we're friends, till the next time. Do you think I'm gonna stalk you? Call your wife? That would mean you would stop seeing me and there goes a client.
Do you think it's gonna fall into the wrong hands if Sargent Friday pays me a visit? That's why I screen so diligently--to try to keep the odds of that happening at a minimum. Is it 100% No, but you know it is a lot better than not.
Again, the providers I know protect your information as they hope you do theirs. You have our information written somewhere too and we know we can trust you to protect it.
I just don't get it, BUT, as I said in my original post, with a lot less class than this one: "You play the game the way you wanna play. I'll play the way I wanna play--safe and smart."
I wasn't mad about the to screen or not screen thing. That will forever be discussed and never get anywhere. To each their own. What I was upset about was the attitude and things said about providers who screened, and providers in general; especially when said behind the security of an alias.
I just wanted to explain. Play safe!
Happy New Year!
Hugs,
JD
He can complain all he wants to. But we all know if he wants to see any of us, he will have to be screened. If he doesn't like it, too darn bad. Guys like him don't bother me. I just tell them no. NEXT! LOL There are too many good guys out there to waste time on this little troll.
I also think he is in the lower percentage of the guys here on TER. The majority of the guys here know the drill. No money, no honey...No screening, no date. It's very simple. He is just angry because he has to play by OUR rules and not his. Aaawwww....poor baby!
Thats kinda pretentious unless you have personally polled or served that many of us. Each provider should live by whatever rules they are comfortable with. If providers wish to start using this site to create some sort of collective rule book then you will start to see many of us old timers lose interest. There is a Providers Only board for that crap if you all want to start a union.
I do require verification or screening of all new guests (though my processes vary depending upon the needs and experience level of the client and may be supplemented by extensive correspondence prior to agreeing to meet).
With that being said, I think it is unfair to diminish the concerns of privacy & discretion made by clients.
I also think it is unfair to denigrate or insult clients who refuse to submit personal information for screening so long as they don't insult or antagonize providers who require it.
Contrary to what all of the discussion, all of the parties, all of the gossip and all of the publicly-professed friendships would suggest, involvement in these arrangements and participation in this business is ultimately a singular activity.
If the quality of your life, provider or client, is compromised - no one can salvage or repair damage made to your life, the lives of your loved ones or your career. It is very important that each of us determine what we value and what amount of risk we are willing to assume without consideration to what the masses are doing.
I am very lucky in that I have been able to sustain myself with gentlemen who trust my intent, my methods and my ability to protect their privacy. My guests express that they feel safer in seeing me knowing that I have full awareness of those I accept as clients versus not. I find that most clients are exceedingly empathetic and willing to exhaust all options in their efforts to meet me; my efforts are equal to theirs.
It is always regrettable when I cannot come to some agreement with potential clients who are unwilling to be verified-
But truly, it is me or you - and I will always choose to protect myself & observe my obligation to my established clientele over choosing to allow you to potentially bring harm to me or my business and if you feel the same way about yourself I cannot fault that.
Screening processes are not a panacea, they're not infallible and they can be forged.
As a woman whose business is spending time with strangers in intimate and often isolated situations I still actively attempt to minimize danger with the resources that I have.
If I get a sense that a gentleman is trying his best to provide me with the comfort that I need to proceed I will try my best to screen in the most delicate, non-invasive way possible. If I get a sense that a client's "high opinion of himself [or his business]" is going to impede any effort to establish mutual comfort...well- I don't have any real interest in trying to assert my dominance by explaining the 'rules' or their purpose. No one owes anyone anything here.
There are enough opportunities for all of us to play in exactly the manner we'd prefer without resorting to insults or assurances that the other will fail in their business or pursuits if they refuse to compromise.
Despite the communal boards and the common denominator that we share many of us are playing different games entirely - live and let live.
Seriously, I agree with you 100%. Yes, threecupsplease post was irritating and I responded similarly. However, after reading your post, I must agree with you 100%. I screen the same way you do. If a gent is nervous about giving me all of his personal information, there are other ways to screen him. As long as it makes me feel comfortable and safe enough to see him, I will do what I can to make it happen. In general I am never rude unless confronted with rudeness. Of course it does not make it right for me to allow myself to react to anyone elses rudeness. But alas....I am only human too. 
This is offensive:
---"When I hear the terms "screening" or "verification," they mean the same thing to me. It's time to move on. There is no provider available that is worth the risk of having my personal information available to a provider for her to misuse. If the provider is not comfortable seeing me without screening, I'll see someone else.
Providers with screening "rules" often follow up with rules related to their menu and services. I don't feel a need to pay for the experience of following a provider's rules. Despite the high opinions that many providers have of themselves, we have many options available to us."---
He is so far off base it's not even funny. I get what he is trying to say. His delivery was really offensive. Consequently, my response (and others) to him was also not too nice. (back to the human thing) It is very frustrating when someone like him makes comments that are so far from the truth. What happens is some newbie reads it and thinks this is gospel or that it is okay. Iit is not okay.
I hope everyone takes a moment to read your post Ally. As always you are the voice of reason. I appreciate you.
Warm wishes to you for a happy, healthy, and prosperous New Year!
He's not going to be calling you anyway. He won't cooperate with it and you won't see him without it so that's the end of it.
Psychos, rapists, and con artists also move on when a lady asks for screening info. They move on because they too are unwilling to provide information that might come back to haunt them after beating a girl, or raping her, or robbing her.
Now, surely you aren't one of "those" guys, but how exactly are we to know that? Which is why any woman who sees you sight unseen without any information to assure her that you are safe, is quite simply stupid.
I'll make this promise though, as soon as I complete my PhD in Mind Reading and ESP, I'll see you wihtout any screening info whatsoever. Until then, you'll just have to keep scraping the bottom of the barrel where the girls aren't bright enough to protect themselves.
I like P411. Works very well for me.
Every gentleman who posted using their real TER screen name has probably been screened. We look at your reviews just like you can look at ours.
I have never asked for someone's real name unless it was needed for a site like RS2K. We don't need your real name to verify you.
Ole you HAVE been screened. Vorlon has even been screened. Threecups has probably also been screened using your ter profile name. Or we asked other ladies. Or we put together your emails, read your postings here and other boards. Just because a provider doesn't ask for your real name doesn't mean you havent been sreened or verified or whatever you want to call it.
well, if you call that screening then anything that uses my TER info is just fine with me. Just don't ask me to provide references, my real name, where I work or live. PM me. You have me very curious.
Gents I would like to remind you that if you were not screened by the provider chances are there will be LE on the other side of the door when you arrive.
Happy Hobbying/Holidays
My experience must be a complete statistical anomaly. I've played at this hobby for about 15 years, I've never been screened, I probably seen 300-400 women and I've never had "LE on the other side of the door."
I don't know how that's possible because I'm SURE you know what you're talking about. If I ever do run into LE, I'll send you an email.
Happy Hobbying/Holidays
In over 30 years, its a rarity that I have been screened, verified, whatever. Meaning I have never given out my real name (on a first date), place of employment, or have used a reference. Only in the past few years have I utilized the TER white list or P411. So for about 30 years I had no trouble with engaging the services of a provider in a totally anonymous fashion.
Sure there are risks on both sides but there are other time tested means of getting comfortable with each other before anything potentially deceptive, dangerous, or incriminaing may occur. First and foremost, regarding your point about LE, there is zero risk if there is never any discussion related to money or sexual activity. The risk begins only when a provider is intent on knowing she will be paid up front or a client is intent on knowing what sort of services are available. You can trade these risks for a lack of LE risk. To my knowledge, there is no crime against two people sharing a glass of wine, kissing, and fornicating. I have seen lots of classy providers where all of that transpires without any discussion of a business transaction, and of on each of these occasions an envelope with my bank deposit had accidentally fallen from my pocket on the way out.
Also bear in mind that there have been instances where a provider providing a reference was cooperating with LE. I know of two actual cases. The point being, that there is no fool-proof method of complete safety. I don't have a problem with the reference checking thing but I don't roll that way and never will.
Well put. I think that the rabid "true believer" provider who is truly convinced that her personal safety is dependent upon strict adherence to the screening system of her choice, should take a long, hard look at whether this "business" is really right for her.
A person who lives in fear that they may be physically harmed by contact with a stranger should consider minimizing their contact with strangers, not seeking it out through on line advertising.
Life is too short to live in fear, without regard to whether it is justified.
I have no problem with providers screening but the reality is most don't screen beyond how the guy comes across on the phone.
think that screening means simply asking you if you are cop. some day those types will get busted. but even the intelligent ones simply spend enough time during the "lets get comfortable" period to determine if a guy is safe or not.
I am a woman and it is caution that I exercise not fear.
Woman who lets guy into her hotel room for massage and he shoots her dead. did not screen.
Women picked up by LE in sting. did not screen or verify.
Guys busted with faces on the news. did not check out girl except her price and were horny.
If I was fearful, I certainly wouldn't be in this business.
We are cautious-not scared timid little bunny rabbits running for cover. And anyone who thinks
I'm fearful, you are mistaken.