Which isn't necessarily a bad thing, depending ...

I've got it down now, I think, taking pain meds just long enough beforehand so they've worn off by meeting time ... some excellent advice from one of our high-rated friends (jeez, still have to do that review). That idea may not help in our case, though.

Most providers like to be discreet. Having said that, I'm rooting for you and this scenario

when we really freaking need his ass here, not boinking some hot, mature provider.  

Calling Dr Bud.

No Locks on hospital room doors, at least not at the hospitals I have visited, except the bathroom and possibly you won't even be in a private room

Wait till you get home you will still need some private nursing

Ask for a male nurse, ummm...because of religious reasons, and then...

...take him into your confidence and tell him, "hey buddy, my girlfriend is going to visit me tonite and I need some privacy. So if the door's closed and there's a T.E.D. hose sock tied around the door handle, just come back later, OK?"

Maybe the worst idea I have seen on this board. Why not get better and have an escort dress like a nurse when you get home...get serious!

Do it!

Life is too fucking boring not to try. If it turns into an epic fail - you'll have a good story to tell and the sun will still come up the following morning.

Unless you happen to be married to one of those Lorena Bobbit types...in which case disregard...nothing can make your life not suck...and get a divorce, FAST.

I enjoyed a date with a fine lady 3 days after shoulder surgery (still a great deal of pain).  She wasn't a "fantasy nurse" but a real angel, so comforting and gentle as she brightened my week.  She did more for my recovery than all the meds could ever do.

Hospital doors don't lock so that's not a good option unless it's an inside job.

Good luck and let us know what happens if you try it.

I've had numerous surgeries and therefore had the experience of many meds. Some won't affect performance while others dull the sensation a great deal. The heavy-duty ones will keep you from having any fun at all.

Be aware that your fun-gun is located right on the pelvis that they plan to traumatize during the surgery. Trust me when I say you'll still be in considerable pain when they boot you out.

But, sadly, George Peppard has passed.  He loved it when a plan came together.  Let me know if you need a look-out or a wheel man.