My wife has no arousal mechanism whatsoever.  Nothing can be done by me to get her horny.  Dry as the desert.  Worse...cum makes her gag which means no BJ or HJ for me.  She doesn't like to receive oral either.  There is no heavy breathing and no passion.  Doesn't like to be touched at night while sleeping so in all the years I've been married I've never been able to hold her or be held by her in the middle of the night.  In other words, my bed feels empty at night.  She is willing to cuddle other times...I'm just saying my bed feels empty at night.

I wonder if you had not said anything, if that might have been better?  

I have had a very similar marriage if you add hostility towards me and zero touching. I'm getting divorced. I'm sorry you are in this situation because it can feel humiliating and powerless. I was very angry and resentful towards my wife until I decided I could get divorced. We've been a part for over a year and I've been able to see her in a different way. She is a woman not interested in sex or any kind of intimacy I recognize. She wants a companion and financial security. All of her love and caring for me shifted to our children. She's ok with that and can't understand why I am not. She never liked sex and only did it for children and courtship. These are not complaints, but her own statements. There is more to a woman than a vagina you get to use. I've learned I felt rejected and trapped. My trap was an unwillingness to get divorced and once I made that decision, I calmed down and felt free. I know there are folks here that remain married with permission to seek sex elsewhere. If you want to be married, then have the talk. Anger is a secondary emotion while hurt and fear are primary. She is a person and is worthy of respect just like you. The hurt you feel doesn't diminish her as person. When you can let go of the pain and hurt you feel, you'll see she is just a person, too. It's not about her, it's about you. She's going on in life probably content while you are making yourself miserable. Again, I'm sorry you are in this and there are many here who understand.

"Men need to be loved physically before they can love emotionally. Women need to ge loved emotionally before they can love physically." An acceptance of this may help everyone get along better.

I thought I had it bad with mine! My wife actually is the best damn giver of BBBJCIM that I have ever or probably ever WILL have.  Unfortunately its once a year.  She is very orgasmic and has strong kegel muscles to the point that she has to warn me when shes cumming ao I am already inside when she starts cumming and not in mid stroke or she'd break my dick.  Again, its infrequent, just once a month or so.  Every now and then.she'll go on a "hot streak" where we have sex 2 or 3 times a week, but generally its once a month.  When we have sex its great, we just have it so infrequently that I am climbing the walls and see providers unbeknownst to her.  Keeps me happy, she's happy because I'm not pestering her for sex and we both go on with our lives.  Being as she is absolutely batshit jealous I simply can never allow her to catch me even talking to another woman.  She is in her 40's, overweight and sloppy, but shes a tiger in the sack when I can get her there.  I've said it before and I'll say it again, if we had sex 2-3 times a week every week, I probably wouldn't see escorts, but when I get laid on week 1, by week 3 or 4 I am simply dying to get laid, but she won't have it till she's ready.  I even try to entice her with oral (she loves when I do that) but if she's not in the mood, ahe's not in the mood.

Had the same issues in my marriage, although at least in my case, my ex wasn't always that way. Has yours been? And if so, then why did you marry her? I don't mean that to sound like an accusation. I mean it to sound like a legit question, because the answer may give you some insights into why you're still together and/or whether you should be.

... and mostly true but I stopped laughing after a few years. So, many years ago I traded in the 40 year old for a couple of 20 year olds. Best thing I ever did. Now I'm spoiled and I could never enter into a relationship with a woman who wouldn't celebrate frequent sex and have a perverted, dirty mind like me.

The different dynamics of married people that join the hobby.
Jchan what beautiful advice you give, I agree so much.......
yet understand ones own feelings & resentments can get in the way of seeing your partner as an induvidual entitled to their own feelings since it's easy to blame when you have resentment if you allow thoughts of: "if only..,."  
               
                                                 IMHO no matter what happens between partners & how they choose to deal- open          communication can be a very positive thing most times..yet those of you who know better & know your partners intricacies  
                                                       (such as Fridays -wow how odd-& I imagine rare- is ur wife, lol)

Kind of the same message as some of the other guys. I still love my wife and she is a great person, but she lost interest in sex many years ago (maybe it is me????) and it was often painful to her. It has been about 15 + years since we have had sex. I finally started in this hobby about 10 years ago to give myself some sexual pleasure.  I have met some wonderful ladies who have given me the pleasure that I seek. Sometimes I feel guilty, but what the hell. Now I am getting older (68), but still enjoy what some of our lady friends on this site can provide us. Thank you ladies.

You can only change you.  First step:
1. What is a woman to you?  In your post, you seem to be defining a woman as someone who has sex, and that is both wrong and unhelpful, especially for men because that view will never get them the respect that they so desire.  Does a girl turn into a women when she has sex?  No. And I guarantee men don't turn into men just when they have sex-or I've given men too much credit.  You can be more than that!  You can still change things around.  Never give up if this is not how you want to live your life.

Very close. My situation is similar but goes beyond sex.  
I still see her as a woman but I hold much resentment towards her for her actions and her pulling farther away from me.
I know how you feel and wish there was an easy solution.
I feel a marriage should be a loving partnership and I've tried like hell to repair what's left of this mess.
Not much else to say except thanks for all these wonderful TER women!
(Incoherent ramblings complete)

A few sessions with me, and they'll be horny as hell. I've done this before, I'm a professional.  Only send me the good looking one.

Once a month is a lot compared to some, like the OP, who don't get it at all or those who get it once a year or every couple years. Not sure what the point is when it's so infrequent though.

sex?  cake?  eat your cake and have sex too?!  it has been so long since I have been married I am not sure if I ever ate my cake and had sex too!  and now?  no cake, no sex, unless the paycheck has excess once in a while.

Read  the sex surveys out there

Wanting you all to fall for the sob story...so he/she can gather his/her info as you spill you guts.  Laughing out loud at this creative writing project as usual

I got married in my early 20's. She wasn't my first, yet I was her first. I really liked her... I loved her... and still do. I loved her enough to "wait until marriage", something she wanted. We did "mess around occasionally".  We dated for the better part of a year before I proposed, and got married 9 months later. We were both exhausted on our wedding night, yet I was ready to go, however we did nothing but open up some cards and go to sleep. I figured the next night would be different....  Nope. The next night? nope.  Fast forward until a couple days after we were back from our Honeymoon before anything happened (10 days after our wedding). Was it magical? Nope, not at all. She just laid there. Ok, I thought... she needs to learn what she likes, get more comfortable, etc. Things would have to get better with time, right?  Nope.  

Excellent advice, Trinity. I bet you're an awesome coach.

Er...?  It has to be asked...

To get the sex of course

I've read a few articles suggesting helping with the housework is a good way to the wife in the mood.

But by the time we got divorced, we couldn't stand each other and the thought of having sex with her was repellent.  My guess is she probably looked at me much the same way.

Seems half the guys on here are married

Don't housecleaners make $25 an hour?  or does she actually have to see you doing the cleaning to get turned on?

My wife has agreed to me having a girlfriend(s) if I didn't divorce her. This was her suggested solution, not mine. She would not allow escorts, but rub n tug would be ok. I didn't agree and filed for divorce. I didn't see the point of being married except for her financial support and a companion. An amicable divorce and alimony solves that.

I meant cleaning your house should never be a novelty.

Can't remember their prices but I get turned on by the naked housecleaners! The only area they clean is my bed and my shower and maybe an assorted other area or two if THEY are really dirty

Just the way you like it Wong. We know you're a sucker for dominant women

Unfortunately OTB I can't find a provider up to the challenge.  Nor can I find a client that can post shit to neither dominate nor destroy my ongoing thread

some studies say that a woman will see a man as less masculine if he does chores that are traditionally femal

Exactly!  
In some cultures, men wouldn't ever be caught dead doing any of what Americans traditionally call the wife's work...dishes, laundry, cleaning, cooking, etc.

I agree you should probably go your separate way but i'm no counselor. If she allows a gf somethings not right. Its confusing, you make the best decision

But if you are looking to get her in the mood and the traditional methods aren't working, maybe breaking out the vacuum cleaner is worth trying.

There is a theory out there involving this. Some academician asserts that the Japanese, and other Asian, women that are brought to USA as a result of marriage become so upset by their loss of their cultural role that they develop anti-social behaviors. These include rejection of husband and isolating behaviors. Lucky for me (sarcasm) my wife was totally fine with me hiring house cleaners and nannies. The only thing she had left on the list to do was reject me, sleep and shop online.

I have heard of studies done where sometimes immigrants have a problem shopping in American stores because they are not used to having all the choices we typically have; back home they usually only had one choice for a given item.  Some reports were that some of them actually left the store without buying anything.

a person or her vagina?  Did you promise to love her till death or love her vagina til death?  I'm going to guess that to some woman shopping is just like sex to us guys.  You should have figured out if she was like that before you married her.  Not it's too fucking late, live up to your promises.

LOL, I'm UMD alumni and I have to go back few times a year to see old friends.  I'll look you up next time if I feel like taking on a MILF.
 

You guys are going about this ALLLLLL wrong... Disclaimer: Like anatomy books, each individual is still arranged uniquely... it's just the average.  The same goes for the following statement.

URANUS MORON DIMWIT

I've been married a long time and we used to have the kind of sex you read about in Penthouse mag. Now we are too old and tired for that kind of action. I'm even at the point of quitting hobbying. We haven't had sex in years but we don't care. We don't have that kind of attraction for each other but we do still love each other very much. I can't imagine life with any one but her. I still have desires but they're waning fast. If my wife ever had an affair I wouldn't bitch about it because I've done it. What's good for the goose is good for the gander.

And yes jchan I recall reading about your transition out of your marriage and I do honestly wish you the best in that.  Divorce is a beeeaaatch for all involved.