I totally understand what you are going through .. THAT would mess with your head!
However, I have had to learn to separate what is clearly a fantasy life from what is real. If you don't it can become seriously detrimental to your "real" life .. my two cents
I have one provider that I really am fond of...no, really fond of, and she called me yesterday and invited me to her incall to talk and make out until her next appointment. This was off the clock and completely enjoyable. I am smitten. I hope I don't go nuts. Being neglected for so long, then someone I find I get hard just looking at, calls me to see me and make out. It messes with my head and emotions
I totally understand what you are going through .. THAT would mess with your head!
However, I have had to learn to separate what is clearly a fantasy life from what is real. If you don't it can become seriously detrimental to your "real" life .. my two cents
...... you meet someone you connect with, but not in a lustful/lifelong commitment kind of thing, but only like, "Damn, what a wonderful person she is and I'm really glad I met her." And maybe if you're lucky and she's ok with it, you can maintain a friendship that transcends the hobby. But JUST a friendship. Beyond that can get very very messy.
My ATF retired about 1 and a half years ago, it was a hard thing to bounce back from. I was about to give up, and did for periods at a time, but yesterday my persistence paid off. Who knows how long it will last? I'm happy for now.
Considering some of the talented companions we have here, its not surprising. The greats really make you believe it. Everyone screams boundries, NSA, and remember its a business but in the throws of passion it those rules can easily be forgotten. We've all been there
I'd suggest finding a new hobby, or activity, not to replace this hobby, but augment your time. If you can create other activities or interest that occupy your time, energy, and emotional commitment I think your less likely to get emotionally attached to your ATF.
last thought is dont confuse lust for love, though it can be argued there is a thin line that differentiates the two at least in the heart.
You can meet some wonderful ladies doing this and it is easy to get attached. So long as you know the boundaries, it can be a wonderful experience to live in the moment so long as you know when those moments end. I suggest you just keep telling yourself that because you value that person and those moments that you aren't going to ruin it by trying to go beyond those boundaries.
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