I have been in the "hobby" for about 10 years. Only date those 30+ that are close to my age. Recently had a "date" with a providor that left me google eyed. She has a smile, eyes, and an inter beauty that has me smitten. Do providers ever date and fall in love with hobbiests? Ladies, should I tell the provider or just let it go? Don't want to be a stalker.
Yes! It does happen.
I have been in the hobby for a little bit over five years. I have only seen (perhaps) 25 different providers during that time period. Of those 25 providers, at least two of them married hobbyists.
Note: I believe both providers had been previously married. The marriages to the hobbyists did not endure. Also, my data does not include the relationships that may have developed between hobbyists and providers that did not end in marriage.
I have recently started to follow the General Discussion board. If everything is to be taken at face value, there have been a lot of marriages between providers and hobbyists. If you start this message thread on that discussion board, it will see many more eyes than this board has to offer.
Note: Although I wish to remain discreet, a provider recently told me how seriously she considered marriage to one of her clients. However, it also appeared that she received many unwanted offers of marriage and relationships from clients.
Good Luck!
Several years ago, I was besotted with an ATF. She was honest with me that she was not meant to be a one-man woman. That self-awareness was, in fact, one of the reasons she chose her profession.
I backed off. But, the self-induced drama within my own head and heart caused misunderstandings. It brought an end to what had been - within the lady's limits - a lovely relationship.
I still think of her with affection. I still miss her. I still wonder if it might be possible to re-connect.
Recognize and respect the boundaries inherent in relationships with providers. We can adore them. We can cherish them. We can even love them - for an hour. But we cannot ask them to give to us what they cannot give. We cannot ask them to be for us what they cannot be.
I backed off. But, the self-induced drama within my own head and heart caused misunderstandings. It brought an end to what had been - within the lady's limits - a lovely relationship.
I still think of her with affection. I still miss her. I still wonder if it might be possible to re-connect.
Recognize and respect the boundaries inherent in relationships with providers. We can adore them. We can cherish them. We can even love them - for an hour. But we cannot ask them to give to us what they cannot give. We cannot ask them to be for us what they cannot be.
Sure people are people and they meet in all different circumstances, but in this particular case dating you (if she is open to idea) will inevitably mean severe loss of income.
Why? Should two of you start dating either you will pressure her to cut down on work or she will do it voluntarily.
Are you ready, willing and capable to make up for it?
Lina
Radio 4 (a BBC-owned station) brought up the following exchange between British humorist Alan Coren and actor Michael Caine, who once lived next door to Richard Gere:
Coren: So, you must know the answer to the big question, Michael. Is Richard Gere gay?
Caine: I don’t know if he is actually gay, but he would probably help out if they were short handed.
Note: As you somewhat allude to in your comments, a hobbyist that can demonstrate security (financial or otherwise) stands the better chance of being successful in convincing a provider to pursue a relationship between themselves.
1st off, I hope to hell he's not gay! Lol!
2nd, I personally could never put myself in a position where I was dependent on one person to support me no matter how much money he has. Been there, done that & over all I just felt obligated to be there at his demand & whether the requirement on his part were real or not I eventually came to resent it.
IF I ever decide to settle down again I would have to have my own means of support. If I'm with you, I want it to be because I really want to be with you. Not because I feel like I have to be.
The same holds true for me professionally. If I'm not in the mood, the phone goes unanswered, or I just say I'm not available.
Coren: So, you must know the answer to the big question, Michael. Is Richard Gere gay?
Caine: I don’t know if he is actually gay, but he would probably help out if they were short handed.
Note: As you somewhat allude to in your comments, a hobbyist that can demonstrate security (financial or otherwise) stands the better chance of being successful in convincing a provider to pursue a relationship between themselves.
think about it this way, and best example I can use is Date A Personal Trainer vs Date an Escort.
Lets say you sign up for training sessions in your local gym and pretty soon you feel that you have fallen for the young vixen. You share your love with her and you both decide to give it a go.
What happens? She continues to work as a trainer, you switch trainers so there is no conflict of interest of "free sessions". She has lost ONE customer of many but possibly gained life long partner. She does not have to alter her career or lifestyle in any way.
Now lets see what happens with an escort.
You stop paying her for her time but now you occupy most of it. She works less. Long term regular clients go elsewhere. She falls off the radar.
Unless at the time two of you met she is ready willing and in position to retire and switch careers, SOMEONE has to cover the difference between what she was making before and after.
Lina
Remember some of the ladies are very good at making you feel this way; that's why they call it GFE. Enjoy it for what it is but don't make more of it than it is. And if you can't do that then you should stop seeing her.
... she'd probably let you know - maybe ask you out on a civilian date or something.
So, no need or benefit to saying anything.
(And even if she is, there are still the potential and predictable pitfalls others have already mentioned.)
...a couple of days ago. just my 2 cents worth: "I actually married a young woman several years ago that professed her love for me and yes, she was a Provider (that I had seen) at the time. The end was not good, but we had some fun along the way. Let's face it; Providers and the men they see are human and emotions aren't on a switch, either on or off (with most people anyway). In general as others have advised, it is probably not a good thing to mix love and business, but each one has to follow their own heart".
And you are right, happens more often than we may realize. Btw, I was married to this woman for almost 10 years and several PMs from the previous post asked if I would do it all over again and the answer: Yes, because I have 3 grown children from the marriage that are the lights of my life and truth be told I still dream about the hot times we had, she was quite the kink girl!
-- Modified on 7/2/2012 11:00:20 AM
Remember when you get together you are only seeing one side of one another. The lustful, loving side. It's easy to forget that, especially when the provider is GFE. If you enter in to a relationship rest assured things will change. The total package contains good & bad habits, moods, ect that you are paying NOT to be exposed to. IF you pursue a relationship (assuming she would even go for it) be prepared for that.
Excellent response Leeann. I truly do love you, without being in love with you. I especially love the fantasy.
Bannerpete
Awwwww.... TY, BP! I love you too! I feel a deep affection for most of the gents I have bee privileged to meet in this hobby. Hmmmm..... this could lead to a new thread. Lol!
Kissy, kiss!
Excellent response Leeann. I truly do love you, without being in love with you. I especially love the fantasy.
Bannerpete
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VtN6MIf4JGo
This is a VERY interesting thread indeed.
Now matter how good she looks to you now, somebody, somewhere, is sick and tired of her shit. - words to live by.
Woman, and I'll show you a guy who's tired of fucking her.
Maher should have added that it's a sure thing that the beautiful woman is no less tired of fucking the guy who's tired of fucking her.
Providers are human, two.
I've had two long-term relationships with providers. One was far better than most civvie relationships (including marriages) I've had.
Although it happens, it's almost always a mistake.
Keep it professional. Friendship is fine... love is not.
Like I put on my profile on p411: You won't find a GF that treats you as good as I will.
to my mind. We expect a lot from marriage in our culture; co-parents, business partners, roommates, lovers, friends, caregivers. The accumulation of years of hurts, slights and disappointments come to negatively impact the lovers aspect of the marriage. When you've just had a big fight with someone over paying the bills, it's hard to go in to the bedroom and have hot sex. The hobby provides a nice outlet for need to have a lover, if only a temporary and professional one. If you leave your wife for your courtesan, then after years of accumulated hurts, you will find yourself right back in the same boat. So why do so? I would think that much the same dynamic would apply to the ladies here as well.
...is different than for me. I am not married, but like you I am an older guy and sex still plays a big role in my life and I really enjoy being with hot women. For me it is not a relief valve and has nothing to do with accumlated hurts, it is simply enjoyment which I treat myself to frequently. Doesn't mean your purpose or my purpose is any better than the other's, just different and since they are different, how we approach the hobby can be different as well, imho. I have received some interesting PMs from some since I have posted on these "relationship" threads, one fellow even writing that if my story of marrying a provider became widespread behavior, it could ruin the hobby. WTF! I don't think guys like me are any threat to the hobby, which since the dawn of time has flourished because many of us like sex... a lot!!
-- Modified on 7/3/2012 5:51:02 PM
but the point he made about marriage and the mundane WILL apply to providers who started off getting paid to worship you for a set period of time.
I love doing what I do, but that's not my life. I don't provide as pleasurably when I'm doing the dishes or scrubbing the toilet. Actually, I look like I enjoy it about as much as a hernia :P
and in fact undesirable. I just like the company and conversation of a smart, hot woman; and some fun, hot sex! We all have our various reason for doing this. That was mine, individually. I thought I made that clear in the opening sentence. Oh well.
But the point still stands that the nature of the professional relationship is fundamentally different from that of a personal relationship, and does not carry over, one to the other, very well.
.........What? Marriage and the mundane do not apply to me or the providers I see and I don't understand your context... and with all due respect, the worship part? Hell no, the other way around actually.
I love doing what I do, but that's not my life. I don't provide as pleasurably when I'm doing the dishes or scrubbing the toilet. Actually, I look like I enjoy it about as much as a hernia :P
Well, the point is, for me, from my point of view, getting in to a personal relationship with that provider would ruin the professional relationship, which is what the hobby is about, for me. I am not condemning your style, motivation, or choices, just stating my own. Damn, but ppl on the board can get so defensive.
As far as your two questions go, I am sure that providers have dated and fallen in love with hobbyists. And I am sure that some have married clients. Is that going to happen in your case? I can confidently say: maybe, maybe not.
As far as asking the provider for a “date”, I don’t see that the situation is significantly different from asking a non-provider for a date – if you ask, you’ll either get a date with her, or not. And if you get a date, off you two will go doing whatever it it is that people do when they try to determine whether they want to be more involved with each other.
Concerning marriage, again, I don’t see that there is any significant difference between marrying a provider and marrying a non-provider. If anyone can show why marrying a provider (or marrying a client) is any different from marrying a non-provider, or a provider marrying a non-hobbyist, or any other possible pairing combination, let him/her speak now.
Marriage means different things to different people. For a significant number of people, marriage does not require monogamy. But like Melissa said in another discussion (and I remember discussing this matter with her during our session, oddly enough), I am old school enough to think that providing or being a hobbyist is incompatible with being married, and incompatible with any other relationship that involves living together. As such, my hobbying commenced only after my marriage had ended. And having become a wildly happy hobbyist prone to falling in love with some of the lovely ladies who find the provider life congenial, I live by the following principle: Love is a temporary condition curable by marriage, or an excessive number of non-naked encounters. No cures for me, thank you very much.
-- Modified on 7/3/2012 11:38:11 PM
I have had a couple providers ask to see me again off the clock. I decided that was a good time to end things because that is not why I am meeting the girl. I feel it is cheaper to rent than it is to own. But to each their own.