There is no nice way to tell a provider that you "accidentally" discovered stuff about her personal life that might make her vulnerable.

Better to have her panic or overreact and to fix the issue than not knowing at all.

Oh, I would probably turtle up too!

Did you at least tip her well to make her come back to this? I would love real girls supplementing their income.

She may have overreacted but she was clearly very worried about what that exposure might mean to her personal life and that's her call to make.  I would think she will resurface with new a new profile.

I have done the same thing in the past.  And I would guess that more of us than not google someone's phone number...maybe even before reading reviews.  In my case, my email was never acknowledged, and the provider is still active and advertising.  And the information is still out there.    

So I personally will continue to google numbers.  Not to find out personal info, but to save me from potentially dangerous situations, which it has on at least one occasion.

I did the same thing for a provider. She appreciated the information and quit using that phone number for her "business". She still, however, is in the "business".

I believe most would appreciate someone looking out for them, however it can come off as stalker tendency so I can  understand what she did.
I wouldn't panic,  just say thanks and remedy the situation.
I think you acted appropriately

A long time ago I had someone I'd seen once or twice give me a heads up that there was a way to trace my website back to my real identity. I knew he didn't mean it in a "creepy" way - I think if he had, he wouldn't have told me in the first place, lol. I was very grateful to hear it, but it didn't mean I wasn't freaked out for a couple days until the problem was fixed.

1. Edit your original post to remove the reference to her SO's status. If it is no longer editable, ask the moderator to edit it. If something makes her SO (assuming he may not know) curious or suspicious  and he should decide to check out this board, that is a relatively specific data point that might confirm something to him or someone else. If nothing else, she possibly checks this board and removing that reference may make her feel more comfortable and less exposed.

2. You should have disclosed her phone number error to her BEFORE you ever saw her. You should have given her the option of whether she still felt comfortable seeing you after knowing who she is in her personal life. Yes, you might have wound up "taking one for the team" by not seeing her.

3. You fulfilled your ethical obligation to tell her, but you managed to do it in a way that possibly has her totally freaked out (not completely your fault, we don't always manage to see things from the provider's perspective). She's probably feeling violated and vulnerable. Even if there was screening/references she has only known you for the length of the session, yet you have her personal life details. You knew them going into the session and didn't say anything until the end. Even if the rest of the session went great, she has no REAL way of knowing whether you are just another client or a potential stalker (even though you know you're not a stalker). It is likely that she may err on the side of caution, especially if she or someone she knows has had  problems in the past.

4. It is probably best if you not try to see her again. I expect that it would likely make her uncomfortable. At some deep level she will maintain some suspicion. Even if she were willing to see you again, I expect that during the session that would somehow be in the back of her mind the whole time. Probably don't attempt to contact her again, with the possible exception of a single apology email to her provider address explaining that you are sorry that you made an error in how you told her, and that in order to make her feel comfortable you will no longer be contacting her (assuming the email doesn't bounce back). If she feels genuinely comfortable in seeing you again I expect she might reply and tell you that.

If my suggestions above seem like an overreaction, it is only because I would rather have you err on the side of caution if it means her level of fear would be lower.

I'll try to post later about a potentially "better" way to deal with these situations in the future.

Thanks.

Next time when you neeed to inform a provider about personal information that has been revealed online try this -

Ask a provider that you already know to contact the lady to whom the compromised information belongs.
Preferably, the provider that you ask has seen you before and is comfortable enough with you to the extent that she has either given you a reference in the past or likely would be willing to do so in the future.

Send an email to your "friendly provider" something along the lines of the following example. -
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear (friendly provider name),
This is (hobbiest name). You might remember me because (insert G or PG rated memory trigggers here).

I have a favor to ask. I was doing some research on the web and I came across the following situation that reveals a provider's personal information. Because safety is a concern that we all share, I think she needs to be told. I worry that if I am the one to tell her about this she might think I am a stalker and that it might frighten her inadvertently.

The provider's name is _ _ _ _ _
Her email address is  _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Her website (or ad) is  _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ._ _ _
When I google her phone number (###-###-####) it reveals (her real name on facebook, incall address on a web page, etc., etc.)
Maybe include link?

I feel that she would probably feel more comfortable if she heard about this problem from another lady instead of from me.

Could you please let her know about this?

Thank you very much!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It seems to me that this approach is likely to be beneficial because
A) It seems likely to cause less fear for the exposed provider.
B) It seems less likely that the exposed provider will mistake you for a stalker.

Would you feel more comfortable hearing about something like this from another provider, even if you don't know her?
Would you feel comfortable being the one asked to notify a lady whom you didn't know about this?

-- Modified on 11/8/2010 5:54:05 PM

... how you found personal information about her with anyone else.  No provider wants her real name shared with anyone.  Giving that information to another provider is not a good idea.  Just because the provider you've picked is someone you know, doesn't mean she won't use the information in a negative way.

Personally, I think he did the right thing.  Yeah, maybe she freaked but at least it was only this 1 guy who had the information (hopefully).

~Jen

Definitely the right thing!!! Good man you are!
She'll probably lay low for a while and be back.