Whether you call yourself an escort or another term doesn't matter to me. In a short time, there will be another euphemism for it and escort will wear the "dirty word" moniker. We assign too much weight to names, both bad and good. We don't stop at dictionary definition; we carry it through to connotation. If I could change that, I would. Honesty is great. With it, we know where we stand, but it's too bad that so much baggage comes with certain words. It ends up making people feel marginalized and hurt, even if there is no such intention behind them. I blame both sides, but the person who is hurt by such language has more than an equal role in that they are the ones taking offense, especially considering the source. It also makes it difficult for the uninitiated to speak without unintentionally putting their feet in their mouths. The majority of us don't want to be offensive unless we've really worked up a head of steam.
I am something of a lurker here and occasionally post questions. I have a strong interest in participating in this hobby, but am somewhat hesitant to do so, given the potential for problems relating to health, relationships, and law. I have no moral problem with it. Part of the thrill is the legal aspect of it, but the primal drive part is so much stronger.
I do have a problem with bringing a "gift" home from the playground. While I don't feel getting it is immoral in and of itself, knowingly passing it on without consent would be. It would also be difficult explaining where it came from. Some of you might argue that I'm wrong about the morality of the hobby, but that only means that we have a different frame of reference. I really don't see much of a difference between sexual relationships that do and don't involve compensation. A long time ago, when I was younger and harsher, I referred to traditional marriage as church and state-sanctioned prostitution for the purposes of swelling the church coffers and the tax rolls.
One part of me wants to call it quits with the traditional relationship and embark on this journey. The other part thinks that the traditional relationship will bring a different sort of happiness that I won't find in the hobby. I'm still trying to decide if that long term happiness is real or if it's just swamp gas. I derive great satisfaction from bringing material support to the relationship, but don't desire the type of intimacy sometimes required, at least not with the demanded intensity and frequency. My own parents had an unusual marriage, apparently happy, but more independent.
I don't equate morality with law. In fact, I think law reflects the desires of those in power to exercise control over others to a greater extent than it promotes the general good. I further believe the law is probably more likely to reduce real morality in the process of enforcing arbitrary standards set by the powerful and taking away basic choices that help us form our morality by making us think about our choices. In this area in particular, I think the real moral choice would be to ensure education about all things sexual so that people, particularly women, can make informed decisions about their bodies and their health.
I have played a number of scenarios out in my head, including concerns about potential blackmail, encounters with gendarmerie (accents, spelling?), and doctor visits and big q-tips. I haven't reached a conclusion yet, but I keep standing around that pool, thinking about dipping my toe in. Knowing me, it seems that I will eventually have to jump in to save myself further torment.
People occasionally talk about fantasy and inquire about the fantasies of others. I believe that my fantasy IS the idea that something so difficult to obtain through normal channels is so easily obtained with a minor shift in attitude. One can either free-climb Mt. SuavePatientPsychicHandsomeBrilliantSuccessfulPowerfulAndRomantic or simply pay the fee for the gondola ride up. The same person arrives at the top, but it requires less time and fewer games. Perhaps, when the novelty of this wears off, I'll discover other fantasies. I think of myself as a nice guy, but I'm not that confident with the ladies. I'm an introvert and I do fine in one-on-one conversations, but I'm not as comfortable in groups.
I also have concerns about who I'm meeting. I have hopes that the woman I'm meeting is there with complete willingness, even eagerness, and that there are no unseen people (pimps) or unpleasant forces (drugs, terroristic threats) making her be there. I'm not sure if desire or need for money can be counted in that class of forces. I want her to have the maturity to be making such a decision. I certainly want her to be of legal age, but how can I be sure? I don't want to take advantage of someone who's mentally or emotionally deficient and I want her to be sober.
One of the things I've heard about strippers is that "they're all messed up" and that they aren't capable of living in "normal" society. I haven't met any strippers, that I know of, so I can't really say if it's true. It has a certain logic to it given the stigma attached to any sex-related profession in this hyper-religious country of ours. (I suppose that this is where I'll be making some enemies as well.) No one has told me of their experiences with "providers," so I'm using strippers as an analogue.
I wonder about STD's. If there is one rate in the general population, I have to assume that the higher traffic will cause a higher rate in this population. I hear that there's more responsibility here than in the barfly crowd, who haven't taken ownership of their sexuality, but I have no way of knowing if it's true. I suspect that the women here are more likely to get themselves checked and that the men, having external genitalia, will wait until something obvious shows up.
As I observe the comings and goings here, some things stand out to me. I believe that the people posting here are more likely to be here of their own volition and more likely to have an education beyond high school. Of course, if the formal education is lacking, I think they're probably more intelligent or well-read. Maybe they're not any smarter, but just more expressive in a way that others aren't. Some people, but not I, seem to have that expressive urge. In any case, I find it more likely that the people posting here aren't doing so under duress. I'm not saying that a lack of participation implies anything, so you other lurkers can rest easy.
Of course I'm attracted to young, skinny, petite, sexy women, but I'm not sure what we'd talk about. Perhaps that's not important because it would be over for me in about 10 seconds with that much hotness. I'm sure that some of the young women are mature beyond their years. I also wonder about the bigger women. Would I like it? Would I like big boobs, even though I've never been terribly interested in them? How about implants? I generally prefer smaller chests with sensitive nipples. Some of the girls with more curves are quite pretty, even if they don't arouse me as much. How about the women my age? I'm in my forties and I wonder what amazing things a woman who likes sex knows about pleasing a man after an extra 10-20 years. On the other hand, is a younger woman more or less likely to carry an infection because of her relative inexperience?
As usual, I have more questions than answers. I try to think with the big head, but the other one has desires as well. Hopefully, I haven't said anything that will ruffle too many feathers. Maybe I have the same thoughts as everyone else. Sometimes it's disappointing to learn that I'm not "the only one who feels that way."
