I'm back...
Yes I have been off my game recently hiding out in a rock and roll band and the two week period in rehab – mental issues, drugs, girls and those voices coming back along with the seeing of dead people? No issues mates; they upped my meds, some shock jolts and the freakiest counseling by some 60's hippie couple, to give me new ideas!!
1) Penis size – no what they tell you size does matter at the dance. It brings me back to a former girl friend story, I was dating this young lady and all she wanted was that “porn” star size. So I had this procedure that was a pump on the penis, so during sex I had this ability to increase my size, shoot I thought whatever it takes – I mean I was before, 4 good inches of solid muscle and this tool probably got me to 9 -10 inches. So we are having sex one day as she is really into this unit “thing”, so she is going down and yelling at me pump it, pump it, you so big, pump it; so I’m feeling like a star just pumping away. I was thinking at the time I should do movies, I’m hot, good looking, big size and people like me…every woman’s dream (not). So, of course I’m into the moment and pumping away nearing maximum over-drive when something went terribly went wrong, not sure even to this day but…I hear a large pop (I still grab my crouch area every time I hear a balloon pop) I believe I was nicked by one of her teeth in the moment – she says no? Anyway I’m on the ground half the man I use to be, the firemen are all pointing at me kind of laughing. The nurses in the hospital had a field day along with the reconstructive surgeon. I had him add an inch so how I’m packing a good 5 inches ladies of sure heaven. Size does matter, but remember you can only bring to the dance what God or Buddha gave you. Pills and pumps don’t work and I'm really ok because once I saw that picture of the dude with the ¾ incher I’m feeling pretty good these days…
2) Jen’s New Bathroom – Well folks that really was my bathroom, I found out the Jen is quite the Plumber, not only does she do great work, has skills, but at the end of her “job” gave me something no other plumber was ever even offered, a roll in the hay after the job completion!! Now for the record not really into my former plumbers – you know the ones that bend over to get you aroused by showing their ass cracks – no thanks! In the end; Jen did better plumbing work then I ever received in the past and the “plumbing” is all functioning…..Plus gents the price or remodeling the bathroom and myself was far less expensive then Johnny Asscrack!
3) Provider that is the tightest – Holy Mollie – I’m so big as stated up above that I really can’t feel the difference. Has anyone ever slide out because there was too much space or not knew they hit the mother load and was in or felt that hit the Grand Canyon? I would say probably not, now I have had ladies yell up to me asking if I was in yet; while I was pumping away! That is kind of embarrassing when you yell out I’m cuming and she yells back I did even know you started, I thought you were just teasing me!! So I was on the "provider only site" with another lady and they were all pointing out the small little men in our hobby which turns out to be 89.7% - they know who you are? I have found most ladies taste just like Chicken the other white meat– who doesn't like Yardbird!!
4) 1Terrapin1 turns into total flake... All-Star to scrub in less than a month – you know I hear the dude is small, flaky, 71 years old, doesn’t have a driver license, can’t see and uses a pump? Say it isn’t true Wally? You know they said the same thing about our Mod on this board a while back so I guess all great men have an off day or year or decade?
5) Looking for nice gal the week of March 8th – Well my Mom doesn’t provide (at least I don’t believe this does – you never know) she is available that same week. She is nice, will cook, clean and be a good listener to get you back on life’s path. After that, everyone else is just Nasty, Mean Gene’s, Scammers, Gold-digger’s and will steal your money and time? Maybe I got that wrong, could have gotten off at the wrong highway exit - taking additional Meds?
6) Labiaplasty – Per my Friend Doctor Vagine Clitoris at the Surgery Institute located Labia, AZ who stayed at a Holiday Inn last night, said it is for people (ladies) that have genital pain, cosmetic reasons or to enhance sexual satisfaction and you have to wait to have sex for two to three months after the procedure. WTF – now I can understand the pain part but to look good under the hood is a little over the top even based on number #3 in this weeks review? Let it go, go with what God or Buddha gave you, I’m not a women, but I played one in the school play in 1981 and based on this experience I would say no way Ray, stay away and let it flap in the wind, keep that fire in the hole, looking good is over-rated. I can’t remember once, of all the fine ladies I have seen ever telling them and even having that thought in my pea brain: have you thought about a Labia-Plasty? Now, they on the other hand have told me in return: how about cosmetic repair for my blown out wiener – but I explain the pump story they pity me.
7) Acronyms $$ - Half the time I have no ideaer (New York term) what the heck you folks are talking about, now roses, dollar signs, pen sales, French Franks, number of tacos, how many boxes of candy I need to bring, girl scout boxes of cookies, pay per the pound, pay per inch, and 25.00 off the bargain rate of 600.00 by pre-booking!! I believe people just invent and make this stuff up as they go – I have been thinking about getting a book put together with the title of Buying Sex for Dummies – how to navigate the flesh world, I may be on to something?
8) Asian Kim – Yes whatever she did or posted, she did it with me; back to New York for the ninth time – it was real it was fun and over the top – this time went to in a crack house, made a episode of the Money Cab – Kim got all the answers correct I just smiled a lot and shook my head, see it on TV, interviewed both of US for Real Sex on HBO, went to a S & M club – too much leather, went to Ellis Island and she locked me up in a cage for being a bad immigrate and finally; we did it, top deck on a double Decker Bus – man we saw and “did” the sites!!
9) ATF - look for part two week in review Marie, Marie, Marie have to wait until the meds actually kick-in before I write this next one - damn dead people are back...gotto go...
