Today I was deeply saddened to learn that a wonderful, loyal Brainerd friend passed. Some may say you have gotten too involved to have it bother you that much. I personally disagree. I prefer to believe I can still care while maintaining the professional boundaries that make this hobby a great lifestyle. Opinions?

While I have enjoyed the company of the majority of the providers I've seen. There are several I really do consider friends within the professional boundries. I've found these ladies to be as interesting and unique as anybody outside of the hobby.

I agree with Mark.

IMO I don't think we have control over our feelings. We can only control how we act on them.

.....we're only human.  And, with long-term hobby friends, if proper boundaries have been maintained, who's to say we can't be touched by our contacts with another warm, caring person?  So, yeah: you can--and should--grieve...at least a little.

..what to do?  

What I mean is, most in the hobby are not using their real names (hobbyists or providers).  I've wondered how a person might be missed if they suddenly passed on.  No family member will post a notice on TER saying So-and-So has died.  No e-mail list to share the info with.  Just e-mail silence.  Board silence.  Nothing.

Seems like you're really lucky, Hearts on Fire, that you DID find out of your friend's passing.

And no, I don't think there is anything wrong with feeling as you do.

there is no reason why this profession or business should be different from any other.  Doctors, lawyers, priests, psychologists are all in the business of helping people, as are providers.  They maintain certain distances and they also develop friendships or close connections.  The fact that you're feeling something says you're doing it right.  Again, sorry for your loss.

I am very sorry for your loss. Losing a loved one or a friend is the most difficult thing we all share as humans.

I can imagine there are lots of providers where its kept very impersonal for boundary reasons but I have never known a provider who had become a regular thing where we didn't get to know each other enough to care about what was troubling them or when seriously ill or injured.  Conversely, if a provider I had known quite well were to pass I would be greatly saddened.  Unfortunately in either case the grieving has to remain private.

...not p4p, but definitely pay for service.  

It's perfectly fine to grieve from an appropriate perspective and distance depending on the client.

-- Modified on 4/5/2012 4:52:36 PM

The hardest part is simply that we men choose to repeatedly see someone that we really enjoy on many levels and our feelings can grow deep. I can't speak from your perspective, but I know for some of my favorites that I'm really nothing more than a convenient business asset. None the less, I've enjoyed getting to know some of the gals to the point that I truly care for them. I haven't known any harm to come from it, aside from some sadness when they move on.