I tried to book a session with a traveling lady for a few weeks out. As I was submitting her thorough screening info, I saw she requires a deposit. The only way I can make a deposit is electronic. I can keep my communications and cash payments private, but electronic payments are traceable, so I never use them. It looks like I'll have to find someone else. I've been away from lobbying for quite a while. Am I being too old fashioned - too careful? I'm interested on feedback on electronic payments. Do a lot of guys use them? Are there others like me that won't, for privacy reasons?
I have been doing this for a long time and I have been very successful and not once have I made a “deposit”.
At least not without being in an actual appointment (WINK)
It’s up to your comfort level but I myself will never buy this type of product on layaway.
Once they have your money, they tend to lose enthusiasm for meeting. Then it is up to you to hopefully pester them into a refund. I can't recommend it.
I'm baffled. They lose enthusiasm? Could you elaborate? Like you provide the deposit and then they cancel or keep jerking you around on committing to a date?
AKA take the deposit and turn into a ghost.
but just had to ask for clarification. I'm not sure who that person has been trying to see but that'a a bummer. And honestly, if we were to get down to brass tacks, this is a business. Why would someone leave money on the table? Weird.
It's all probabilities. Once you pay in advance the provider (of basically any service) has less incentive to accommodate you. This could be anything from disappearing, to postponing, to poor service, etc.
.
If anyone doesn't believe paying in advance puts the customer at a disadvantage, they really haven't experienced the world.
fair since that is your experience and we are all only experts in our own experiences. However, having lived abroad and in various regions in the US, I think this is a pretty jaded outlook.
If this is the result every single time an individual has conducted business with anyone requiring a deposit, including those in this realm, it raises an eyebrow because there is only one constant variable in each if the equations (business transactions). Just something to think about.
You ever pay deposit for a hooker Paige Savage? Highly unlikely. Until you do, why dont you take this somewhere else.
Dude, we barely get the ladies replying in this forum. Don't be rude man.
there are a plethora of providers who actually do go on to hire other providers. Sometimes we have things we want to explore about ourselves and our sexuality and do it in a safe space. That said, I have hired a provider before, gone through their screening process, and provided a deposit. It's not that bad at all. You should try it.
Them That Has the Gold Makes the Rules
Holds for business or pleasure
Only you know what you're willing to do and what you're comfortable with. If anyone is uncomfortable sending a deposit then I recommend what you did. You did not argue about it and you moved along.
There are SEVERAL discreet ways to send a deposit, especially if the provider has set up a S-Corp or LLC. If they set up a business, then they can take fund transfers on different payment apps (like P@yP@l, C@shApp, Venm0, 🍎Pay, etc) and major credit cards. The transactions will show up as their business name so it's easier to cover for. Other discreet ways are e-gift cards, physical gift cards, cryptocurrency, and CIM (cash in mail) to their business address.
I empathize with the anxiety and/or uncertainty when it comes to providing a deposit. Unfortunately, there are people who are dishonest and will scam clients. I genuinely hate that for anyone it's happened to. Regardless, to paint all providers in the same light because it happened to you once, or that one guy from TER, is far from fair.
Deposits provide some peace of mind. At the end of they day, despite how much fun this is, this is a business. I'm unsure why we are cool with providing a deposit for almost any service, but not one that allows you access to a person's body in an intimate way in private no less, especially if it's the first time meeting someone. We set aside a significant amount of time to get ready and/or ensure the time is tailored to a client's likes. If cancellations/NCNS happen too often, then anytime a client inquires, it begs the question, "Are they real?" There are just too many people who get off on stringing providers along. Also, 9/10 barney won't provide a deposit at all so it's a good litmus test.
The best advice I have is to do your research as well as you can. We now live in the age of information and many of us do our best to prove that we are reliable, intelligent, professional, and trustworthy. Take into account how reputable the provider is (website, ads, social media, and/or publications, etc.) and how much of a deposit they are asking for. Have they been professional in their correspondence with you if you've reached out? I think what's most important to realize is that for many of us, stealing a deposit is not worth the cost of a tarnished reputation and ruined business. I've seen providers decimated for stealing deposits.
Suffice to say, This is a huge debate in the industry and a polarizing one for providers and clients alike. For providers it's often a debate centered around privilege and the sex work is work movement. For clients, it's often based on a lack of trust. However, this begs the question, why are you dabbling in this industry if you inherently distrust the people in it? Rhetorical question... I digress.
You are running a risk that she will keep the deposit if the appointment doesn't happen. A few months ago, I ran into a discussion about a threat on Twitter where a provider was asking about whether or not she should keep a deposit. A large number of the other providers who responded basically said that once the money is in their hands, it's their to keep regardless of whether or not an appointment actually happens.
I doubt that she would take the money and run. She is a well-respected, highly reviewed lady. But the whole process of jumping through hoops, has made me, as someone above wrote, "lose enthusiasm". I guess the whole hobby scene has changed a lot since I have been gone. Deposits and screening - drivers license, work ID, social security number, blood sample, finger prints, DNA, high schools report card (maybe a little exaggeration here). At least no one has asked for a stool sample - yet.
Where you can run into problems is if she doesn't make it to town and wants to do something like apply the deposit to a visit sometime in the future as opposed to sending it back to you. Who knows if or when that might happen? Sure, a reputable provider probably won't do anything like that but it's worth keeping in mind.
I also agree that things have gotten a lot more complicated and in many ways needlessly so in my opinion. they can of course run their businesses as they see fit but I and the providers I saw for many years managed just fine for years without most of this.
I'm curious if there is more to this story that is being left out. Like did the client cancel or the provider? Did the provider work with the client to reschedule the date?
Most providers with deposit and cancellations policies usually go something like this:
• Cancel with more than 24H notice: the deposit can be used for a rescheduled a date within the next 90 days. If it is a touring appointment, then the deposit is honored the next time the provider is in the city.
• Cancel with less than 24H notice: then half the deposit is forfeit and the remaining is applied to a date within the next 90 days.
• No call no show - the deposit is forfeit
• Provider Cancels: then the deposit shall be returned within 48H UNLESS the client asks to apply it to a rescheduled date
I pay my hairstylist, my esthetician, and my massage therapist a deposit. Their cancellation policies are basically the same as above minus the little touring bit. Again, I'm unsure why we are cool with providing a deposit for almost ANY other service, but not one that allows an individual access to a person's body in private and in an intimate way, especially if it's the first time meeting someone.
I'm curious if there is more to this story that is being left out. ... NOPE
Like did the client cancel or the provider? ... NOPE
Did the provider work with the client to reschedule the date? ... NOPE - This was for an appointment weeks into the future.
As I said, I have been away from this for many years. Maybe this is the way it is and I need to adjust. She is a well respected provider and I have no doubts that this is not a rip off. I was very excited to meet her. But the screening and deposit are so stringent. I understand that this is a business, but for us guys, it's supposed to be fun. Making us jump through too many hoops takes the fun out of it.
Hi Randy! I understood your situation. My comment about “more to the story” was in response to Vorlon and the Twitter thread he talked about. Frankly, I think you should reach out to this traveling provider and see if they have other methods that work for you!
I get that it feels like hoops but at the end of the day, providers have to determine the screening methods and policies that will make them feel comfortable meeting with a stranger in private. And deposits are relatively easy. On average, I’m able to get someone from “I received your booking form” to “date confirmation” email (I.e. received deposit) by the fourth email. The right provider will have gotten this down to a science and will alleviate the pain points in the process for you.
Hi Paige
Thank you for your input. It's important for guys to get the ladies' perspective on issues like this. After all, the ladies are why we're all here. I wasn't trying to denigrate the lady I mentioned. I intentionally withheld her name. I'm sure she has reasons for her rules and it is her right to do so. The traveling hotel circuit must be grinding and maybe a bit scary at times. It might be my unfamiliarity with the current scene that is the source of my frustration. Live and learn - and I have learned that things are more complicated than they used to be.
I just came back to TER after a long sabbatical. The world has changed and so have I. I believe that during my time away, the entire operation was closed. It doesn't seem as vibrant as it was in the past. There used to be a lot more input, especially from the ladies. So input from well-respected ladies like yourself might help to liven this place up a bit. I appreciate you participation, as I'm sure many other guys here do as well.
The situation between the provider who started the Twitter thread and the client she brought up was indeed much more complicated. However, the parts of the thread that I found particularly disturbing were the posts made by quite a few other providers who said the original provider should keep the deposit regardless of the circumstances. These ladies had the view that the deposit was basically a non-refundable fee for being able to schedule an appointment with her.
That's what the deposit is for. If he doesn't show up or cancels last minute she is at least compensated for the time she spent preparing. If he gave adequate time she will either refund the money or it will go towards a rescheduled appointment..
This is a DEPOSIT, NOT FULL PAYMENT.
And fellas ya'll best get used to it in this covid and post covid age. Thanks to the weirdos coming out strong during this pandemic creating havoc everywhere. The NCNS and last minute cancelation rate just for me and my friends has skyrocketed. When that happens we can't instantly put someone else into that time slot. So we miss out on that money. So we just spent an hour or two getting all dolled up for you, drove however far to meet you, got the room all ready for you and you can't take 2 seconds to call and cancel? Or you wait until the very last second or 5 minutes after your session was supposed to start and tell us that you forgot. But no, we don't deserve the deposit. Really? Do you realize we're talking maybe $40. If I asked for a deposit that's what I would ask for a basic 1 hour session. Do you really think we'd take off with the $40 when we've booked you for more? Doesn't really make good business sense.
And if you want to be discrete with electronic payments here are some options- Netspend -this can usually be used where many other pre paid cards can't be used and cashapp - this does connect to a bank account but I think you can connect it to a pre paid card if you want to bury it and I know you can use any old name you want on it.
Listen fellas, we're all just trying our best out here. Some better than other. Some dirtier than others. Some will try to cheat you and some will try to love you. Just like in real life. Because we're real people. We're also mothers, sisters, neighbors, friends, daughters, granddaughters and some are even grandmother's. What I'm trying to say is that we're not JUST providers and we all get into it and stay in it and have our rules set for different reasons. If you're not comfortable with them either ask why (I'm a respectful way) or simply move on. And if you move on. You don't have to leave your derogatory comments with the provider.
I woke up one morning to a fella that had an argument that ended with him telling me to f-off and threatened me with a bad review all with my auto responder. Lol!
So just be respectful and be nice and we will too.
With my deepest respect and love for the male gender,
Betty💋
612-414-6635
I've had a lot of haircuts in my life, but I've never paid a deposit for the appointment before I show up.
Maybe people should also consider offering a deposit to their weed guy. He's providing weed that you'll then heat and inhale the smoke or vapor into your body. Yes, yes, the weed man should get a deposit, too. It's a HUGE debate in the weed industry right now. LOL.
Kudos to you! Everyone runs their business differently. I’m glad you found someone that works for you! 😇
I’ve given deposits in the past for some extremely high demand providers, although that’s not my normal preference. I’ve never been burned before, but not saying it will never happen. If you’re concerned about leaving a digital footprint, I would suggest asking her about using gift cards that you can pay for in cash or cryptocurrency, like Bitcoin or the flavor of the month, Dogecoin.
No no no, never pay or transfer money unless there standing in front of you. If you do the money is gone, and youve been scammed.
While I have never given a deposit to a provider ,and I don't think I ever would, I did see a traveling provider who comes to Minnesota often who ask for a deposit for locking in an appointment time. Now this particular provider has really high reviews so I don't think she would keep money but she did make it clear that you end up canceling your appointment the day off that your deposit is forfeited. This is like a depositing a lot of other businesses so I see no problem with that. The problem I have are with some of the low class Pros asking for cash app, or venmo deposit before seeing you. Those are the ones that if you pay ahead of time you are fool.
I have a sneaking suspicion that deposits will become the “norm” in this hobby and once it starts being prevalent, it won’t ever go away.
That depends on.........mongers, kerb crawlers, mopes, johns, whatever you wish to label us as a group.
From time to time, a provider will happen by suggesting that it's perfectly normal to pay your sex worker a portion of their fee in advance. This isn't normal, regular or understandable to most of us. Do you pay your weed dealer a deposit? Ahhh. no. Paying a sex worker a deposit is just as foolhardy, in my opinion.
Hold the line, lads, and avoid providers who insist in deposits, and this issue will remain a fringe issue, pertaining only to a small segment of P4P.
Those here may think it is the norm to not supply real ID or deposits but for every monger here there is some significant multiple of those willing to do so - many of them new thinking it is completely mandatory- or trusting until they get burned on a deposit .
The other reason for deposits for newbies is so many flake within five minutes of arranged time.
I doubt this will remain a fringe issue so long as the "sex work is work" movement has steam behind it. Should this realm become decriminalized (preferred) or legalized (meh), the relationship between LE and providers becomes... less tense. There's less worry regarding reporting a client to LE for bad behavior such as robbery, assault, etc. Theoretically, there will be more providers asking for real world information and deposits to protect themselves and their business. While I empathize that for you it's not "normal, regular, or understandable" there is a significant amount of the client demographic who do find it "normal, regular, and understandable".
TER has in a way become an echo chamber of sorts. This rallying cry of "hold the line" is inane because it only those in the echo chamber potentially subscribe to this line of thinking. When in reality, there is a whole other demographic of TER users who don't interact on the board and do not subscribe to this line of thinking. Then there is a whole demographic of clients who do not find the boards legitimate and look down their nose at them. No matter what, there will be providers on both sides of the line: some who require deposits and some who don't. As long as you find someone who works for you, that's all that matters.
If deposits were such a normal, accepted part of the P4P experience, why do you insist on popping up in this thread, over and over, just to tell us all how normal it is to pay a prostitute in advance?
Deposits are not the norm. I think the echo chamber you referenced in the post above is just you, wishing over and over again that deposits for P4P were the norm. They are not, and I encourage my mongering pals to avoid providers who request them.
While I do enjoy TER, we can admit 2020/2021 TER can be a bit of an echo chamber. An “echo chamber” refers to situations in which beliefs are reinforced by communication and repetition inside a closed system AND insulated from rebuttal. The key phrase here being “insulated from rebuttal”. I fail to see where I have ever been insulated from rebuttal in this thread. Allow me to use a scalpel instead of a sledgehammer this time: deposits are normal; however deposits in this area are not as normal as in other parts of the country.
It’s ok that you do not want to pay a deposit. It's totally okay that you want to voice to the boards that you think people should "hold the line" and never provide a deposit. Our versions of "normal" are vastly different making our realities wholly different. I voiced my opinion that deposits were and are normal is due to the overwhelming quantitative date I have (metrics are important for business) and that of the qualitative data from providers I've met along the way. Many of whom have been asking for deposits since 2015/2016 and are wildly successful.
When I originally posted, I was the sole provider who argued that deposits are normal. There was one client who stated he provides deposits at times but mostly for touring providers. My caveat was that deposits are normal AND should be given regardless if it’s a touring provider or not, due to the the uniquely intimate nature of this service. Yet, client after client account argued in your favor - that that deposits are terrible for "x" reason. It wasn't until recently, maybe the last two or three days, that a few providers chimed in, one even in your favor, and a couple other client accounts argued deposits are normal. A client account even said, “Those here may think it is the norm to not supply real ID or deposits but for every monger here there is some significant multiple of those willing to do so…” And for clarification, they are not always newbies.
Every provider creates a business model that works for THEM. We all have to take stock of where we are at in our business to determine if deposits make sense. There was a time when it made sense for me to not take a deposit as it would have hindered my business. I’m well aware that I have potentially iced myself out of the MN hobbyist scene (see what I did there?) by asking for deposits. However, my lifestyle has changed, my free time is now minimal, and I do a lot to prepare for a date to personalize it to each individual client. I reserve the right to protect that time by asking for a deposit. As another provider put it, I want to ensure they have some "skin in the game". I digress.
I originally washed my hands of this debate a few days ago but was happy to respond to your reply. However, if we are finished here, then I really do wish you the best of luck and I hope you stay safe engaging in this realm.
It is a two-way street in my estimation.
I can understand a traveling provider who might want to use the deposits to pay for a flight or ensure that they will have enough activity to make a trip worthwhile. And it certainly seems like women have to deal with guys who cancel.
I can understand guys who don't want to do it because they don't like electronic transfer of funds or they think that it will lead to the provider bailing on them and ripping them off.
But, at the end of the day, guys have the right to not see a provider if they don't want to pay a deposit. And providers have the right to not see guys who won't.
I have paid a few deposits over the years, but they have only been with well-established and well-reviewed providers. I have never found that it has impacted how I have been treated. But, as always, YMMV.
Im sorry i dont believe that anyone charges a deposit for a haircut. For me to not call you a bull shit artist you need to inform me of your hais salon or barber shop, ceuse that is pure nonsense. If cash dont work i dont play, ill call another. The excuse i get from these gals is that, they've been robbed to many times.Well i would say that may have happened, but i think thats more with the people they deal with and not paying attention to there surrounding. Dont be a chump alot of puss out there, always be careful of your money and surroundings, and dont let your little head do your thinking.
It's interesting that there are a handful of people that won't believe us (or in this instance me) when we tell you that there are services require a deposit and/or a credit card on file for cancellations. I hate to make assumptions, but I'm going to assume based on your username, you're a red-blooded male. My salon requires a deposit for "master" and "senior" stylists. The place where I get my blowout requires a credit card on file so if a last minute cancellation happens (two hours prior to the appt), they can charge the card for the full amount.
While I won't provide the information for the stylist I see, real world me would would like some privacy, here are two places within the Twin Cities that have deposit and/or cancellation policies.
• Fox Den (https://foxdensalon.com/DEPOSITS) In the event that a client would prefer not to save their card information on file, they can instead put down a deposit of 50% of the service total in advance of their appointment. This deposit is considered non-refundable by default, but may be transferred/refunded at a stylist’s discretion if ample advance notice is given.
Haus Salon (https://www.haussalon.com/book-an-appointment): To ensure our cancellation policy is upheld, we require a credit card to hold any appointment while booking. Cancellations made with less than a 24-hour notice may be subject to a charge of 50% of the booked appointment value. We thank you in advance for respecting our policy. We understand that life happens, and sometimes you will need to cancel your appointment within the 24-hour period due to an emergency. We always do our best to give grace in these moments, but we do track all late cancellations and no-shows in order to ensure our policy is not abused. If we find this happens two times or more in a calendar year, you will be asked to pre-pay for your services moving forward.
Deposits in any form help create a fraud narrative.
To be clear, I realize the term fraud is general and my statement is subjective. For my purposes I'm referring to a narrative involving exchange of non fiat currencies.
Interesting comment. Non-fiat currencies? Since no government issued currency is currently asset-backed, it is all fiat currency. Cryptos are all currency-denominated and not backed by hard assets, so they are also considered fiat. Do you consider gift cards to be fiat? One could maybe make the case that they are backed by the hard assets one could purchase from the card issuer. But, since they are fiat denominated, their purchasing power is tied to the underlying fiat. In my mind, all "legal tender" currency is fiat and the only non-fiat money is asset-backed, or physical precious metal. The strength of fiat money is that it is fungible, whereas many hard assets are not. Of course, the weakness of fiat currency is that when the people lose faith in the issuer, the value plummets. The Fed has ensured this is the dollar's future. And making a deposit in a hard currency might prove very difficult from a logistical standpoint.
I would never pay a deposit, 5hat is not how this game works, we have the choice not to pay, is they want a deposit and no one is willing to give it, they will go back to the way game is supposed to be set up. We all have had girls cancel and no show on us, and the girls have had the same. So never ever pay a deposit.
Ok girls how about this, we both make a deposit. If you fail to show up or do not perform service up to expectations , or pics arent accurate you forfeit your deposit. Thats fair and no one gets ripped off. Also deposit for a haircut is pure bullshit, so stop your bull shit.
But in the event the hooker breaks the agreed appointment , whats the experience of those that have had it happen to them. Do they hang on to your Benjamin’s and tell you I’ll apply it to when we meet .
All the deposits you are claiming to be paid with legitimate business are paid with credit cards not cash apps etc. And you have recourse if services are not provided, you will be able to work through your credit card fraud service. Cash apps, cash etc you have none your money is gone. How many internet scams are out there many many, how many girls in this business are dishonest hustlers, many many many. Do not get fooled. Some of these websites even warn you against this scam. Use your fucking head boys. These gals only fuck and suck you for money no matter how charming they appear, dont fool yourself thinking they are some sweet little innocent thing, they are hookers and thats what they are.
Here's the reality:
• there will be clients who will never pay deposits
• there will be clients who say they will never pay a deposit but in actuality, do
• there will be clients who pay deposits all the time
Pick the lane that works for you and stay in it. At the end of the day, if you inherently distrust the service providers in this profession, then maybe you shouldn't be playing in it at all. However, if you're going to do so then find the providers who work for you in regards to screening, deposits, rates, etc. This civil discourse has devolved into people using derogatory quips about the providers and people going on keyboard attacks against one another. Let's just be bloody done with it, yeah?