one last entertaining tale: swingland, my adventures with other couples

okay, okay, another reason I like to pay is because of the fiascoes I had in my younger "s#x addict years swinging":

City Pages:
After recovering from my Paris fiasco, I came back and wanted to live it up. A threesome had always eluded me but intrigued me. I never had a girlfriend who would do it with me (many had done it with another guy... I was always (sad to say) "marriage material" not "bad-boy fun material".

Well, I decided to post an ad in the city pages.  Man, what an experience.  I am sure all of these couples that contacted me are divorced now. Everyone has the fantasy, but the imagination never squares with reality.  Most of them seem have different ideas of what 3 some would be.

I meet this guy, can't remember his name, but he says his girlfriend is really into 2 guys,  but too shy to talk as a group.  He tells me to call her when he is out of the house so she can warm up to me.  He also tells me their fantasy man is named Tom.  I should say I am tom.  

I call her up after some doubts.  She answers and I can hear some kid crying in the background and it seems kinda unerotic.  I say, Hi this is Tom.  She says who?  I say Thom.  (pause).  Yeah (unexcited voice from her).  Your mystery guy.  Then she says in a completely bored voice: "yeah, so what do you want"

boy oh boy adventures on the wildside. some gruff voice of a board white-trash girl. I hang up.

I call back the southern suburbs guy who called. he sounded classy. I say hi, you responded to my ad.  My threesomes ad.  He says "what, ahem, i don't know about any ad." I could tell by his voice he was lying. he hung up on me.  maybe he had his folks over?

Needless to say, i waste about two weeks of my life going through different couples, trying to set things up.  Far from the glamour of porn, I am routinely confronted by glamour of the same types of average folks you see at the state fair.

Then I meet the weirdo who wants me to take him before his wife.  When I try to talk to his wife, she is always busy... hmmmm. What am I, a 1-800-free-talk number?

Maybe I just have had bad luck.  But I meet a few people who were lucky enough to have some 3 somes.  And they have common themes:

1. Casual relationship
2. Alcohol or mind altering substances like new age music hehe
3. Less known couple
4. Often vacation or spontaneous event

Guess you can't put an ad in and expect same results. Unfortunately that didn't stop me from putting in the "Bondage Partner" ad.  Another thoroughly entertaining and ultimately pathetic route.

We are not talking muscular folks in leather.  Were talking cheese-eaters squeezed into low-budget outfits. I could go on all day here: the girl who drew the line when her last boyfriend shoved her head into a dirty toilet during the act, the girl who wanted to be a "total slave" but only if she trusted the slavemaster--kind of defeats the purpose. the cliqueish club meetings at the dumpy bar Legends.  

I never got to meet that upscale Lake of the Isles wealthy Story of O crowd I had heard so much about.... or those sexy late night waitresses who work at Little Tijauna's restaurant.  Maybe I just have bad luck.

don't waste your time on ads.  just buy the fanstasy. hehe