Hi folks - I'm new here and not really a hobbyist, but maybe some of you can give me some advice - I'd really appreciate it. I connected with a woman on an adult personals ad site and one of the first things she told me about herself was that she is a provider in the TC area. That set me back a bit but after I gave it some thought it also intrigued me (a whole lot actually!!) and I told her so. I asked her what kinds of services she provides and she was (I thought) quite up front with me. I stumbled across this site a few days ago and found a review of a session with her - it appears that at least for this guy, she did quite a bit more than she told me about. Also, she has been expressing interest for quite some time, but has never agreed to actually meet me, even for so much as a cup of coffee. I'm looking for a relationship, not a business transaction. She says she is too, but I'm wondering...

So - questions:  1) what do folks think about having a relationship with someone in the business - besides the obvious things like the risk of STD's and the occasional bout of jealousy, what else would I have to live with? Do you think it would be worth it? Is it realistic to hope for a real relationship? Ladies - do you leave your love at work or is there some left for home?

2) she said in her personal ad that she really values monogamy - but if she is a provider doesn't that sort of an obvious contradiction?

3) I've been reading about the MGC saga on this board - what are the risks that she would get busted (she is an independent)? And if I was her boyfriend, what would my legal risks be? I've looked at MN statutes and although I can't say that I truly understood everything, it looks like they are mostly aimed at people who are trying to exploit underage people or generally coerce people into the business. Couldn't find much that seemed to apply to her or me. Anybody have any insights into this??

4) Also, given the MGC saga, I'm wondering if she isn't laying low and putting me off because she can't be sure I'm not a cop. Any ideas on how to reassure her on this score?

I probably have lots more questions, but this is all I can think of for right now. Appreciate any insights people can give me.

btw - if someone died and made me king, the only rules I'd have for controlling people's sexual activities would be something like this:  1) Everybody involved must have consented to be there and must have the right to stop or withdraw at any time, 2) Everybody involved must be competent to consent (not underage, mentally or psychologically disabled, etc.), 3) No one involved should have any coercive power over any other person involved ("consent" under duress is NOT truly consent), 4) All activities should be in an appropriate venue - i.e. we shouldn't be out in public scaring the good citizens of Gotham, and 5) No harm (physical, emotional, psychological) should be inflicted on any participant through intentional action or inaction or by action that a reasonable person could have foreseen would lead to harm. If it fits within these guidelines, I think we should be able to do it. Any comments?

Reate a provider?

As the robot says, "Danger Will Robinson!".

1.) There are providers that use the adult personal sites to find customers. There are customers that use the adult personal sites to find providers. The fact that she told you that right off the bat is a pretty strong indication that it's business. It might not be. And I might look good in a thong. Chances are slim.

2.) Monogamy: probably not meaning the same thing. There is a whopping difference between what a provider provides and a serious relationship. Think emotional attachment, not physical. Without having a good handle on that, any relationship is doomed.

3.) There is always a danger-- the laws that you are looking at may look like one thing, but the reality is that anyone in the business can get busted. A lot of times, LE will "interpret" things (or even fabricate them) so that it looks like the harassee's intent is criminal.

4.) To prove you're not a cop: first, never, EVER show up at her door wearing a rented cop uniform. It's really not funny.

Okay. If you're really serious about dating this lady with the interest in a relationship, the best way is to make a committment for a period of at least six months NOT to have sex.  Get involved in the relationship as people first.

Reate a provider?

I would join Da Big K in advising you to be very wary, and, if you do decide to go ahead, make it both non-sexual AND non-financial. I mean, you can buy her dinner or take her to a show or something, but if you two can't strike a spark without sex or money being exchanged, then a real relationship seems pretty unlikely to blossom.

And K's point #4 is well made!  LOL  Reminds me of an actual experience I had. I had booked a room in a suburban motel for an encounter with an outcall provider. When I pulled in, the parking lot was literally packed to overflowing with State Trooper mobiles. I almost freaked!

I asked one of the cops what was up, and he said there was a big training session going on in the city, and this was the motel where they were all staying. Needless to say, I called to warn my Lady friend. We both got a good laugh out of it, and the evening passed without any unpleasant incidents. ... And with quite a few pleasant ones, as I recall

Reate a provider?

Hi Dajo,

"I connected with a woman on an adult personals ad site and one of the first things she told me about herself was that she is a provider in the TC area."

I don't think it is rare for independant providers to use adult personals like live links to look for business.  They obviously cannot say they are an escort so they post an ad and see what happens.  

"I stumbled across this site a few days ago and found a review of a session with her - it appears that at least for this guy, she did quite a bit more than she told me about."

Well, be careful with reviews.  The vast majority of reviews on TER are very accurate, but there are some discrepancies.  There is one review of NO provider that lists BBBJ.  He thought that since her shirt was off, she was 'bareback'!  This kind of thing is rare, but can happen.

"I'm looking for a relationship, not a business transaction. She says she is too, but I'm wondering..."

I would wonder too.  

"What do folks think about having a relationship with someone in the business - besides the obvious things like the risk of STD's and the occasional bout of jealousy, what else would I have to live with?"

I have never dated a provider, but I think you would have to live with quite a lot I think, it depends on how you feel about the person.  Personally, the providers I see, I like very much.  I think they are good people.  So, if a relationship started, it would be different, but since I knew the score going in, dealing with her being a provider would by my issue, not hers.  There would have to be a lot of mutual understanding and trust at the very beginning - which it looks like you might be lacking.  

"Do you think it would be worth it?"

In that very rare circumstance with the right person - I think it would!   Judging from what you have said so far (trouble dealing with her being a provider and *ahem* checking up on her story), it sounds like it probably would not work in your case.

"I've been reading about the MGC saga on this board - what are the risks that she would get busted (she is an independent)?"

LOL.  The "MGC Saga" is an occupational hazard of this hobby.   All escorts and clients are always under varying, but high degrees of risk.  Sometimes we get comfy and think those risks don't apply to us, but they do.   This hobby is NO more or no less risky than it was before the MGC situation.  It is and always has been high risk for LE and, possibly even more seriously, discovery by friends or family or co-workers.

"And if I was her boyfriend, what would my legal risks be?"

I would think you would risk possible harassment as an associate, but would be under low risk of conviction.  Unless you participated in her business at all by taking calls or providing transportation, your legal risks are probably very minimal compared to hers.

"I've looked at MN statutes and although I can't say that I truly understood everything, it looks like they are mostly aimed at people who are trying to exploit underage people or generally coerce people into the business. Couldn't find much that seemed to apply to her or me. Anybody have any insights into this??"

I think you are absolutely right there.  LE focuses on cases of underage, abuse, and drug use.  Those are the people they want to nail the most (and rightly so).  I once saw an interview with a Vegas Vice Officer who said "If people kept everything out of the public eye, I would never run into them.  I don't care what someone does in their own home."  But when activity occurs in public, LE will eventually notice.  But this is MN, and the ultra-conservative "community" here demands more from LE than street sweeps and hotel busts.

"Also, given the MGC saga, I'm wondering if she isn't laying low and putting me off because she can't be sure I'm not a cop. Any ideas on how to reassure her on this score?"

LOL.  I can give you one suggestion for reassuring her you are not a cop that works VERY well for me, but I don't think that greeting works as a "fine how do you do" in a social situation!  

Just hang out with her.  LE does not have the time or resources to go on multiple social dates with a single, independant escorts.  She will realize that.

As far as "The MGC Saga" goes - the only unique thing about it is that it has been played out in public message boards.  This was simply because MCG had a great website, ran a great bidness, and had VERY favorable (and well-deserved) 'internet buzz.'  

This is a risky activity we participate in and busts happen every day all over the place.  They just don't usually get displayed on public boards where every swinging richard can come in and post panicked rantings about how frightening it is.   Everyone needs to be careful at all times.

Honestly, it sounds like you have understandable difficulties with her being an escort and you mistrust her enough to check up on her story.   In my uneducated opinion, it probably wouldn't work out.  

You might want to try that "bidness transaction" thing and see how it works out!   ;-p

Reate a provider?

Okay, lets assume she's leveling with you and really is wanting to see you apart from business terms, because I know that can really happen.  Dunno how often, but hell anything is possible in my humble but loud opinion.  First off, you would have to be extremely open minded and not easily jealous or you will immediately assume that any business she is conducting is someone trying to take her away from you.  Jealous and possessive have to go out the window if you want to try that.  Do they take their work home with them?  Obviously they take their talents home with them, but my hunch is that the work stuff (which can be sincere because the good ones enjoy what they do for us which means a lot to hobbyists), is just as real as Tom Cruise singing You Lost That Lovin' Feeling in Top Gun.  I doubt seriously he does that when he goes home at the end of the day.  Unless that's why Nicole split.    I guess the long and short of it, no pun intended, is that you need to be a really open minded person...seriously open minded and not just talk yourself into being that.  There are great ladies out here who are providers.  They are great in their business role and as you get to know them are great in their personal lives too.  So find out for yourself if it's the real thing or business and take it from there based on what you two feel is right.  And more power to ya.  Enjoy!  

Bottom line part 2:  regardless of how many of us put our two cents worth in only you are going to know what's right for you.  So if you're sweating it now then maybe you should just move on to the other bazillion who post personals out there and find what you really want.  Peace!

Green