You should continue to see her as long as you are in CONTROL of yourself. You have to come to the realization that she's never going to be all yours. I don't see any reason to stop as long as you maintain control.

If you leave from the sessions bawling, exhibiting jealousy, and anger, then I will call you an idiot and tell you to stop.  

I am more mature but feel that if there is a chance that her SO is not long term you could continue seeing her but really there are so many hot and engaging women to choose from that you don't want to waste time not meeting that really available lady. Hope all works out for you.  Kalina

Ok. I'm using an alias cause this situation sux and I'm confused Will be really thankful for all honest advice, particularly from providers, but don't need a bunch of smart ass comments telling me I'm an idiot. For more than a year I have been seeing a provider who is absolutely stunning in every way. Physically. Intellectually. Spiritually. I have fallen for her. We have been together outside of her professional environment and it was wonderful. She's always kind and open with me and has honestly told me she has an SO she loves. Should I continue to see her professionally or should I force myself to break all ties?

She has told she is not available.  You need to respect that.  If you can't then you should stop seeing her.  The odds are this will not go well for you; even if you can keep your feelings to yourself from now on, she may well decide it is too uncomfortable for you or you may no longer be able to enjoy her company.

What will you gain by continuing to see her within a professional relationship?    She's told you she's unavailable.  

Are you looking for a love interest?  Move on my friend.  Suck it up, accept the fact that she belongs to someone else and look elsewhere.  I don't mean to be a hard ass.  It just doesnt look like you will find what you are wanting with this woman.

I had a similiar situation except the woman kept telling me she liked me persuing her.  She was unattached.  Initally we had drinks, meals, nice engaging personal conversations, etc but only during "business hours".   She would never accept a social date or activity outside of her normal working hours.  Had my head all wrapped around being in love again.  Finally came to the conclusion that her refusing to see me outside the professional time really meant she had no interest.  Had to figure it out myself.  Call me slow and dull.

In your case the woman is clearly telling you she's unavailable.  MOVE ON.

Good Luck finding what you are really seeking.

The worst thing you can do is force yourself into oneitis Ie deciding there's only one woman you want.  Women sense this every time and some will take serious advantage of it.  If shes in love with someone else then your not anything but a source of money, fun or whatever.  Leave her bullpen and find someone who wants  a starting pitcher.   Shes also a provider and I haven't heard of too many instances where provider client relationships turn into a stable LTR.  anyways good luck.

That one way to approach it. I have a different view of addiction than many/most, however. For example, I don't believe most alcoholics need to go 100% dry. Just seems silly - an admission of ineptitude.

Same thing here: You recognize it's a problem for you. IF you can handle it responsibly, go ahead and see her as a client but keep it clean - no outside interactions, no harassment. If your feelings persist, keep them to yourself; it's an unpleasant burden to place on her if you don't.

If you CAN'T handle it responsibly, if you can't observe reasonable boundaries (now tighter boundaries), you've answered your own question.

I've had puppy love crushes on teachers, workmates, dancers, daughters, moms, all of the above and more, but have never, forgive the comment, been foolish enough to actually pursue someone when it made no intellectual sense at all. Save that stuff for the Jerry Springer Show. Playfulness, fantasy and the like can be fun, even exciting ("oh, if I were only 10 years younger, blah, blah, blah"), but there are clear, obvious lines that when crossed make it inappropriate, creepy.

I'm always disappointed when smart people refuse to use their brains. Step up and make a choice. (The advice is free so do with it what you will.)

Can you get pm's?

I fall for all of 'em! Okay, MOST of them....I have met so many spectacular women in my nearly 2 years in the hobby. Beautiful, sexy, smart, and engaging. I have to "disengage" temporarily with many of these fine ladies in order to keep me feelings in check. My antidote seems to be other women!

My advice to you would be to move on for a while, then revisit the situation when you are on stronger emotional footing.

Exactly what I was going to advise! Fall heavy for at least 2 or 3 at a time. When you really find that great provider that you get feelings for, get back out as soon as possible and go for another great lady and keep trying untill you are head over heels for at least two at once... That keeps it in check. I've got 5 right now!  I've told a Lady that I could not see her too often because I might fall for her and she laughed and said... Too late, your allready in love with me! She is almost right but she is so open and realistic that we can talk about other sexual expieriances and there is no jealousy.... Feels pretty healthy to me. And it is FUN. That is what this is supposed to be about.

I don't mean to insult anyone, but if you never have at least some feelings for these ladies, you need to wonder what is wrong with you. It is only human to have these feelings.... I would not want to be so krass (spelling?) as to not have some of these feelings. But you need to have the maturity to keep it in check with reality.

If you really want a SO of your own, look elsewhere. There are tons of men and women looking for that special relationship... You should not be hobbying for that reason..... It is no longer a "hobby" when you get to the point the OP is at.

I was in a very similar situation and had fallen in love with a very well-known provider and I knew her feelings were recipocal, but I knew she had a SO that was the safe route and she was going to retire and marry him.  She always would wonder if I was doing the hobby behind her back and I would always wonder if she had returned to that previous life, because of how we met.  It was extremely tough for me to let her go, but in the end it was the right decision for both of us.  Fast forward a few years and I heard via back channels that her marriage to that same guy was nearing the end of it's course.  I thought about contacting her again since I had her new UTR number, but common sense came back to me and I am at peace with my decision.  There is no way I could have gone through that emotional turmoil again.  A hobbyist trying to date a provider is like a Hollywood marriage, they are doomed from the beginning.  Trust me, it sucks having to walk away but take it from someone that has been exactly where you are and chalk it up to a life experience.

I was at one time absolutely besotted with a lovely local lady. I found it best in the end to remember her with fondness and move on.

I just thought I would comment one more time.  I don't understand why this is not going in.  IMHO it is better to realize that there are so many eligible hot women out there and the more you waste time on someone who is not avail. the more you might miss a great gal.  Hope I see this posted soon.  Kalina

You would not be doing yourself any favors by continuing to see someone who does not share the same emotional connection that you feel.   It simply is not fair to yourself nor is it fair to her.  She's already told you how she feels....why put yourself in the position of having to hide your feelings?   Most client-provider love affairs do not last anyway.   Better to hurt a little now than alot down the road.

Best of luck, Belinda

I have been in this type of relationship with someone for a number of years
and continued to get pulled back in constantly.  Remember, it doesnt matter if
you paint a zebra.. the stripes are always underneath...

I think you should remind yourself that your relationship with this women exists in a very specific realm, in a very specific context.

I have found myself having feelings for hobbyist.  After all, we're engaging in intimacy.  My feelings are sincere in that I care about them, don't want anything bad to happen to them, and appreciate the ways we excite each other.

Still, this woman provides you with a service.  Without implying in any way that anyone is being inauthentic, she is still behaving in a manner that she finds you to enjoy, because that is her job and she wants to do it well.  Imagine what would change if this were different.

Numerous relationships outside of the provider/hobbyist one still reflect certain contexts wherein people are only going to have their relationship successfully - within the specific setting it exists.  Such as when two travelers meet fleetingly, relationships that are just based on flirtation, mistresses or otherwise.

I would enjoy her as you already have, know the place where your connection lies, and leave it at that.

Best of luck.

xoxo
Arcana Morgan

that is if you can compartmentalize your life that clearly.  Many of us, I am one, have a great deal of trouble being that clear about separating the acting from reality during the sessions.  This is very difficult when you have some chemistry, real or imagined, and you do long dates or travel together.  I think one of the required elements of a providers success is the ability to completely compartmentalize their lives.  The men are not even aware of this need, and we are prone to falling for a lady that is just very good at doing her job.  After all, don't we pay the ladies sex and for GRE to experience the romance during the session?  Is it real, only the lady will ever know, the men will wonder is it me or money, knowing that the money very well be paramount to her in the relationship.

This hobby is filled with emotional landmines, many are created by the intimacy of or actions,  many are created within our minds.  Some feelings may be real but most will just be a road to sorrow and disappointment.

Many, many thanks to all of the kind and considerate people who have shared their insights and suggestions with me as I work to deal with this difficult situation. You've been more help than you can imagine. Thank you.

I have a whole story I could relay to you.   The basics are that I fell in love with a beautiful provider and she fell in love with me even more.  We were together exclusively thereafter for a long time.

Bottom line:  Don't do it.  There are problems inherent in this business that prevent a relationship to work, even if both parties want it to work and it seems obvious that she doesn't.  Don't get hurt.