How To Be an Ally To Sex Workers

1) Don’t Assume. Don’t assume you know why a person is in the sex industry. We’re not all trafficked or victims of abuse. Some people make a choice to enter this industry because they enjoy it, others may be struggling for money and have less of a choice.

2) Be Discreet and Respect Personal Boundaries. If you know a sex worker, it’s OK to engage in conversation in dialogue with them in private, but respect their privacy surrounding their work in public settings.  Don’t ask personal questions such as “does your family know what you do?” If a sex worker is not “out” to their friends, family, or co-workers, it’s not your place to tell everyone what they do.

3) Don’t Judge. Know your own prejudices and realize that not everyone shares the same opinions as you. Whether you think sex work is a dangerous and exploitative profession or not is irrelevant compared to the actual experiences of the person who works in the industry. It’s not your place to pass judgment on how another person earns the money they need to survive.

4) Watch Your Language. Cracking jokes or using derogatory terms such as “hooker”, “whore”, “slut”, or “ho” is not acceptable. While some sex workers have “taken back” these words and use them among themselves, they are usually used to demean sex workers when spoken by outsiders.

5) Address Your Prejudices. If you have a deep bias or underlying fear that all sex workers are bad people and/or full of diseases, then perhaps these are issues within yourself that you need to address.  In fact, the majority of sex workers practice safer sex than their peers and get tested regularly.

6) Don’t Play Rescuer. Not all sex workers are trying to get out of the industry or in need of help. Ask them what they need, but not everyone is looking for “Captain Save-A-Ho” or the “Pretty Woman” ending.

7) If you are a client or patron of sex workers, be respectful of boundaries. You’re buying a service, not a person. Don’t ask for real names, call at all hours of the day/night, or think that your favorite sex worker is going to enter into a relationship with you off the clock.

8 ) Do Your Own Research. Most mainstream media is biased against sex workers and the statistics you read in the news about the sex industry are usually inaccurate. Be critical of what you read or hear and educate yourself on who exactly is transmitting diseases or being trafficked.

9) Respect that Sex Work is Real Work. There’s a set of professional skills involved and it’s not necessarily an industry that everyone can enter into. Don’t tell someone to get a “real job” when they already have one that suits them just fine.

10) Just because someone is a sex worker doesn’t mean they will have sex with you. No matter what area of the sex industry that someone works in, don’t assume that they are promiscuous and willing to have sex with anyone at any time.

11) Be Supportive and Share Resources. If you know of someone who is new to the industry or in an abusive situation with an employer, by all means offer advice and support without being condescending. Some people do enter into the sex industry without educating themselves about what they are getting into and may need help. Despite the situation, calling the police is usually never a good option. Try to find other organizations that are sensitive to the needs of sex workers by contacting the organizations listed below.

12) As you learn the above things, stand up for sex workers when conversations happen.  Share your personal stories if you so choose.  Don’t let the stigma, bigotry and shame around sex work continue.  Remember it’s important that sex workers be allowed to speak for themselves and for allies to not speak for sex workers but to speak with sex workers.

Realize that sex work transcends ‘visible’ notions of race, gender, class, sexuality, education, and identities; sex workers are your sisters, brothers, mothers, fathers, lovers, and friends. Respect them!
Get Active! Contact your local SWOP Chapter to find out what you can do or form your own in the city you live in.
This list composed by the members and allies of Sex Workers Outreach Project-Chicago. Visit us on the web at www.swop-chicago.org
Other Resources-
www.swop-usa.org
www.desireealliance.org
www.boundnotgagged.com

-- Modified on 3/25/2010 6:06:38 PM

#13 should be always respect and pay a sex worker's rates. They put there bodies out there to pay the bills and survive. That shouldnt be taken advantage of. Dont you agree that should be #13? I think so.

http://www.theeroticreview.com/discussion_boards/viewmsg.asp?MessageID=114256&boardID=21&page=

Unemployed hobbyists might want to be searching for a job instead of haggling or bartering for provider's services.

Unfortunately, the unemployment and underemployment rate combined is near 17% nationwide and most statistics show that men are being affected more (in terms of a job, not overall impact to families). Providers have the right to ask for a certain donation and in this economic climate men will ask for deals or discounts- its part of the business and you can always say no. If he doesn't respect that then you can refuse his calls or not respond to his email. There are many providers that are willing to work with clients on donations and feel that it is important to do. There are also many providers that want no discussion of the donation whatsoever and post it on their ad or website- that sends a clear message and the provider can direct the hobbyist attention to it. It's hard work and it's uncomfortable but so is coming into an appt and negotiating (whether directly or indirectly) bbbj vs. cbj or dkk/lfk vs. no kissing, etc- you get my point. Some providers are very open to negotiating donations because they see long-term benefits. However, I've change my opinion, it is best not to negotiate a donation for the first appt. I think that there needs to be some level of commitment to seeing the provider ongoing and many providers offer discounts for multiple appts in one month period....Its just that so many people I talk to tell me that they don't participate on the TER board because of the negativity and personal attacks, so I ask that you not take out your pet peeves here on a positive post about supporting sex workers. I for one want to see more people come to the board for support and help or offering ideas/recommendations/awareness of issues that affect all us, provider and hobbyist alike.

#13 should be Support sex workers when there suffering in this bad economy too.

Have you asked any of your lady 'clients' how they feel about you negotiating their donation? Me thinks you are taking advantage and you've gotten a taste for the needy.

Yes, there are ladies in need out there. But we don't have to be taken advantage of a 'perhaps'  addicted hobbyist to show us our way.

Free couseling is always offered to these ladies. It's never by a man asking for sesual favors.

As you can see from my reviews, I tend to see top-notch providers. Again, please...do we have to do this nasty thing on the board. You can pm me if you have concerns otherwise you're just attacking and trying to find a scapegoat. I have a very good reputation with the ladies I see regularly. I don't have a problem seeing any lady I want. I've seen Hilary, Elizabeth, Sweet Greenly, Tiger, Tuzdae, Avery, Kaylee, and Maya several times each. I understand you have problems with this- let me know who you are and I promise never to call you.

I'm sure they'll appreciate the spike in business from your shout out.lol

bargin pussy, you were pointing attenton to the ladies you reviewed. You did the a diservice because once everyone knows they can hit that for a lower rate they wont pay more for it. You did that to the ladies.I just pointed it out.lol.The lesson learned is if you get low to no cost services thru haggling, don't post it many times on the boards. Keep it a secret and enjoy the lower cost dates you negotiate. But posting several times that you see upscale providers at lower rates just left you open for the post I just posted.And I bet that doesnt make those ladies feel good that you told everyone you were able to bargin with them.that there not worth what the ask. You did that yourself. Your the mean persona nd you should have kept your free pussy ways to yourself or not come on a p4p board trying to get free services.remember #13 on the list above?

Don't respond.

but those deals are for me....not you!

You seem like an ok guy, but it also seems as if you really annoyed a few people. For every person that speaks up (against you in your posts) probably means there are 2 or 3 that don't speak up, maybe more.

It's good to know you get it your way, you know with with cheap bargained-for pussy.
I think it is devaluing.
But remember, it didn't work with me.

Here you posted this in this thread:
"As you can see from my reviews, I tend to see top-notch providers."...
"I don't have a problem seeing any lady I want."

Well LDM, your haggled price of $100 does not work and actually it annoyed me to the greatest extent.
I have been rated in the top five for performance in Minnesota since 2009 and you, my friend, will always have problems trying to see one of the 'top-notch providers' here in our fine state.

So my suggestion to you, your best posts happen to be your shills, so why don't you stick to what you know best?

--This post was made by me so LDM does not send me another accusatory, creepy, mean-spirited PM thinking I am one of these two aliases.

TTFN,
SG

What the hell is an Ally? I googled it...nothing.  I went on the newby board...nothing.  Wikepedia ....nothing.  Allys is what?

They say dont give favors or negotiate rates because guys backchannel and  say the girl isnt worth much more now that they know she gives it up for $100 but he didnt even backchannel he publicly posted those ladies give it up for his haggled rates. What an idiot. Now who wants to pay $300 for a "top notch provider" that goes for $100? IDM needs to learn to STFU. Other true top notch ladies wont see him either. good choice samantha. and Its best you set him to ignore on your pm mail so you dont have to read his drivel. Not only does he devalue the ladies, he publicly posts about it.only a loser would think thats ok.but of course were talking about idm. Loser fits. but I better stop posting because they say if you argue with a idiot those from a far can't tell who is who. And he probably thought he was doing them a favor with his post or it felt good to his ego to shout to everyone that he can get those ladies for low bargained rates but he doesn't realize he's didn't help. He just cheapeNed those ladies publicly. What a stupid little man.

This is the link from which I got the article.

I never said that I saw ALL the top-notch providers; would you like a list? I'm glad you're in the top five- obviously you are one of the best Samantha and a respectful person. I didn't try to haggle you (many month ago)s, I offered a certain amount for a reduced session that was different than what you generally offer and you said, "no." I was going through some serious ED issues that have since been resolved. I accepted your response and that was the end of the story as far as I was concerned- I never contacted you about it again. To me, haggling is a back and forth thing that did not occur with you. I do however, sincerely apologize if that bothered you.

I don't know why there is always drama lately about me. The drama usually comes from a few providers that use aliases and never identify themselves. Prior to the January thread, I don't remember any drama related to me. I posted a list a few days ago that I thought would be beneficial to hobbyist and started getting negativity that was separate from the list. I don't want to fight and say bad things about someone else, so I didn't- but I did defend myself without attacking others. Also, I did think that the post that commented on the ladies I see was mean (to them) but they know me and can stand up for themselves. I tend to like to see strong women that are fun to dialog with on issues that range from sexuality to interpersonal development. If I contact a lady I usually state what I can afford and we go from there if the asking donation is more than I can afford. Over 200 appts, I've probably averaged a 250 donation. The providers that I have seen the most (10 or more times) generally like to see me and have given me discounts so I can see them regularly and for that I am grateful. Some providers have been willing to discount me for services that I provide to them in my professional capacity. It they didn't appreciate what I offered as a professional then I doubt if they would have chosen to do so. Some highly regarded provider have even initiated the process with me if they think I can be helpful to them. I have had a number of providers use my professional services for free (I've even offered myself for free and honor it) and I am glad to be helpful but if it becomes something long-term then I expect some type of reimbursement or quid pro quo. I've been seeing providers for over three and a half years and I honestly feel like I have generally been able to see who I want to- if some have chosen to blacklist me, then I have been unaware and it has certainly caused me no distress (the only provider that I know will not see me for whatever reason is Bianca). I really enjoy being a hobbyist and seeing a provider probably three times a month on a tight budget due to the economy. Prior to that I often gave donations in advance to cover a certain number of appts with provider that I have had longer-term relationships. I don't know who the ladies are that have posted negatively about me so I can't tell you whether I ever saw them or they ever refused to see me. I've seen over 70 providers  and I can only think of a few that we didn't have a good experience. Sure, I've made mistakes and will probably do so in the future but they have never been made out of dishonest intentions or trying to get something on the cheap...I will continue to post when I have something to say or ask and I suppose that I will continue to get attacked by providers that use aliases until they get bored doing it. I will also defend myself by posting a response. I know that most of all they just want me to stop posting but unless Puck stops me for some reason I will continue to post.I have gotten many private messages from supportive hobbyist's responding to my questions or offering their opinion without the negativity that I get from providers that choose to use aliases. Thank you Samantha for choosing to be upfront and listing you complaints with me- I appreciate and respect you for that and offer my heartfelt apologies.

–verb (used with object)
1.to unite formally, as by treaty, league, marriage, or the like (usually fol. by with or to): Russia allied itself to France.
2.to associate or connect by some mutual relationship, as resemblance or friendship.
–verb (used without object)
3.to enter into an alliance; join; unite
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/ally

Here's another link: http://www.merriam-webster.com/netdict/ally

Basically, an ally is someone who is supportive of you. And while I think DiscreetFun's #13 could be added to the list (among many others), SWOP has presented an excellent list that we can all learn from.

Drama surrounds you, LDM, because you are insulting to the very women you claim to adore.  You come off as all-knowing and almost with a GOD complex. You come off to us ladies like your opinion counts for more than anyone else's and it simply is not true.  You believe you are ABOVE the rules the ladies set (i.e. rates) and should, therefore, get special privileges and special considerations.  I hate to be the one to point this out to you but you are just a guy.  You deserve nothing more and nothing less than the next guy.  And, just because some ladies give in to you because they need the money does not mean they want you advertising it and shilling for them all the time.  It is just plain bad business for those ladies. They know it. The other ladies know it. The men know it.  They are just too afraid to tell you themselves, for whatever reason.  

And lets not forget the Prettiest, Tastiest, Tightest pussy post.  INSULTING!!  It is insulting to the women you shill, the women you don't shill, the women you see, the women you don't see, the women who were included on your list and the women who did not make your list.  It is insulting to WOMEN period and to the MEN who truly adore and respect women...some of them are on this site.  Now you can tell me all day every day that this is a site for men about P4P SEX.  I don't care, the majority of the women don't care, and I would even venture to say that some of the GENTLEMEN don't care....you can still be respectful of the providers!   You can still make your lists and compare the ladies and all that but comparing how tight our intimate body parts are on the public board.  Come on!!!!!!!  That is a bit much!  You have enough reviews...can't you do that on the reviewers board where it is a bit more private???   It is insulting to most of us ladies.  

And while you are so busy insulting ladies, you are too busy to notice that your credibility is going down the tubes.  Why do you think some seriously questioned your review and shill of Greenly?  It is because of the constant shilling, the insulting posts, the GOD like complex, the "I-don't-give-a-fuck-what-you-peon-providers-think" attitude.  

You've been on the board for about 9 months now.  First, you told us you haggled because you had been unemployed for a year and now you haggled samantha because of ED problems.  Your ED problems are resolved according to your post.  Are you back to work yet?  If yes, Maybe you no longer need those special privileges that you believe you are entitled to?  What say you?  

Many ladies have tried to tell you in nice ways how they feel about these issues. Some of them behind the aliases may even be some of the ones you are constantly shilling.  However, you just don't want to listen.  That's why things have turned to the more dramatic flair.  I am sorry if I came off harsh, but,  Will you listen now?  

My .02 cents.
Belinda

I can't make you angry, it is the issues within you that make you angry. It's how you feel about yourself. I struggle with the same issues but I'm not going to use this forum as a way to vent my anger. I didn't haggle because of my ED problems. I merely stated that I made an offer to Samantha based on the fact that I had ED and wanted a different kind of session. She declined- big deal! I didn't mind in the least. During that time I had several providers accommodate me without issue. Let's clear something up. I negotiate; I don't haggle. Haggling is a back and forth that I just haven't done. I negotiate by letting a provider know what I can afford- if she says no, I move on. Besides, who is insulted- you, Samantha, and a couple of provider that I do not know their identities because they use aliases.

There are literally hundreds of good quality providers available in the Twin Cities and I'm sure not hearing that I'm offending them. Just today I got a text from a provider that I have seen several time offering me a deal- according to you I would be abusing her. When I see her, we usually sit and talk for an hour or so afterward because she likes to talk with an older man that can giver her perspective- she's 23yrs old and her boyfriend just left her. What is wrong if she calls and offers a deal and I accept. If she had called and asked me to come over to talk without the offer, I would have come over and talked with her and not had an appt with her. The women I see generally learn that I will be there for them and support them if the go through a rough time. For instance, getting arrested, leaving an abusive spouse, needing $1200 in an emergency for an appt, mother suddenly dying and needing support. I could go on but I have relationships with the women I see because they are more than a good fuck they are people I care about. Yes, they will make generous offers because of that- so what?

I've never thought I was above anyone, in fact I've enjoyed the friendships that I have had with many providers because they are generally very open minded people and more aware of the realities of life. I find them to be very challenging intellectually because of their life experience. I  am often humbled by the wisdom of many providers from the ages of 18 to 55. I am a good listener and not one to tell someone what to do. I think that if they have someone intentionally listen closely and reflect back what they are saying, then they can solve their own issues with support a phone call or text away.

And I never have been. Insulted by the pussy post...YES, definately. Because even providers are MORE THAN JUST A PUSSY.  You even just said so in your response!  You talk of sitting with a provider and talking to her, being supportive of her in difficult times, respecting her for what she goes through. Wow, now that is a gentle man and a gentleman!!!   But that is NOT the man you have shown us over the past 10 months.  I like this man much better. Please do show the softer gentler side of LDM more often. I think you would see less drama surrounding your posts.  

The post you just made makes me think I may owe you an apology!  Imagine that!  When you explained it the way you did just now, you came off sounding like a friend.  If the lady in question is calling you, that is a completely different scenario than when you are contacting a lady.   And, if you are talking with the lady and helping her to gain some insight to life's problems,  then you are indeed a good man.  Also, helping a lady when she is in a dire situation is very thoughtful.  I especially like that you do not try to FIX things for the lady but instead simply reflect back what she is saying and let her solve her own problems.  You are a smart man (don't let that go to your head, now!! LOL).   You, Sir,  are talking about relationships here.  Not just sport fucking.  That is a good thing.  That is respectful and not in the least bit insulting.  This is exactly what I wanted to see!  Thank you!  YOU ARE HUMAN!!!  

As for your comment about ME..I have never claimed to be all knowing and any smarter than the next person.  I just was tired of all these posts and it was bothering me so had to put in my .02 cents.  That's all.  And, if I insulted you, I apologize.  I didn't mean to...I wanted you to HEAR me and didn't know how to be heard without being blunt and to the point. I meant no offense.  Truly sorry!  I really am a sweetheart!!   Really, I am!!  

Belinda

I will take you words to heart and try to come off more respectfully.

I dont know who you are, and though I dont think you posted negatively or maliciously towards me....being that my name was mentioned I feel obligated to post. I thought your post was sweet and informative. i dont know who you are so I cant nor would, I publicly state what, led to my decision. I can tell you, that I dont do the drama, nor do i have the time, desire, or energy to attack anyone. I have never, and I can say never posted under an alias. If I cant stand behind what I say, its - not worth saying. I rarely get involved with these heated discussions or attacks. Im very selective in every aspect of my life. Thank you for being civil, but please dont include me in discussions where I dont belong. Also know that I dont believe in attacking people on these boards, I barely read them.