Minnesota
If you are selfish in a helpful way, you might just get what you want -- that is, be up front and tell your chosen provider exactly what you're looking for and see if it's a possibility.
I don't mean to play shrink, but just ask yourself how much of your with-provider behavior is mirrored by your normal-everyday-pullquicker behavior. Are there any similarities, such as nervousness, stage fright, strong fear of embarrassment/failure, more of a big-picture guy, things are black/white no shades of grey...? Maybe addressing these will help your provider time. Just a shot in the dark.
The handjob thing sounds very familiar to me as I relate it to people I know with similar issues. I think if you have the resources, take the time to let a provider know up front about the sensitivity, maybe book a little extra time than normal to give yourself enough leeway, and build up some trust with a provider. When it gets to much, have a subtle signal to back off, so you both don't make a big deal out of it.
I haven't seen many, but it sure sounds like there are a bunch of ladies here who would be willing to give you an assist. Maybe you just need to tell 'em slow and steady wins the race. 