"Son, people will always try and fuck you. Don't waste your life planning for a fucking, just be alert when your pants are down."

out of the blue, my dad said...

"how do you make a hormone?"

I said, "I don't know...how do you make a hormone, pops?"

"Don't pay her!", he chuckled.

He was joking of course and didn't have a clue but I almost died!!

What shitdoesyourdadsay???????????

This could be a really really fun thread folks........what say you????

If you have the choice between a woman that knows how to cook or one that is frugal with your money..always chose the one with the bigger breasts.

"You're lucky when the right combination of cool people in a great mood, with some great weed, a never ending supply of booze, hot chicks, and the alignment of the stars, combines to create a great party. I just try not to fuck it up by worrying about how I'm going to get home or if I'll be able to find my pants."

"Ruh? Dime not runk!"  

"Wanna see a magic trick? I'm gonna turn this bottle of whiskey into piss."

"Some people see the glass as half-full, but people like me just wanna know who the fuck was drinking my beer."