Minnesota

A little humor - long but worth it.
lavalite 2 Reviews 14207 reads
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Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are
 from Venus"? Here's a prime example offered by an
 English professor from the University of Phoenix:
 
  "Today we will experiment with a new form called
 the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person
 will pair off with the person sitting to his or her
 immediate right. As homework tonight, one of you
 will write the first paragraph of a short story. You
 will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send
 another copy to me. The partner will read the first
 paragraph and then add another paragraph to the
 story and send it back also sending another copy to
 me.         The first person will then add a third
 paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to
 re-read what has been written each time in order to
 keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely
 NO talking outside of the e-mails and anything you
 wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story
 is over when both agree a conclusion has been
 reached."
 
  The following was actually turned in by two of my
 English students: Rebecca (last name deleted), and
 Gary (last name deleted).
 
 

----------------------------------------------------------------
  THE STORY:
  (first paragraph by Rebecca)
  At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea
 she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her
 favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her
 too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times,
 that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now,
 at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His
 possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought
 about him too much her asthma started acting up
 again. So chamomile was out of the question.
 

-----------------------------------------------------------
 
  (second paragraph by Gary)
  Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of
 the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had
 more important things to think about than the
 neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named
 Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over
 a
  year ago.   "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17,???*??
 he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar
 orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..."
 But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam
 flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through
 his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit
 sent him flying out of his seat and across the
 cockpit.
 

----------------------------------------------------------
  (Rebecca)
  He bumped his head and died almost immediately,
 but not before he felt one last pang of regret for
 psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever
 had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped
 its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful
 farmers of  Skylon 4.  "Congress Passes Law
 Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie
 read in her newspaper one morning. The news
 simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared
 out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days
 had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no
 newspapers to read, no television to distract her
 from her sense of innocent wonder at all the
 beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose
 one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered
 wistfully.
 

---------------------------------------------------------
  (Gary)
  Little did she know, but she had less than 10
 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the
  city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first
 of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy
 peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace
 Disarmament Treaty through the congress had left
 Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien
 empires who were determined to destroy the human
 race.
  Within two hours after the passage of the treaty
 the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth,
 carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire
 planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly
 initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion
 missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded.
  The President, in his top-secret Mobile submarine
 headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of
 Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion,
 which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and 85 million
 other Americans. The President slammed his fist on
 the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm
 going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the
 sky!"
 

----------------------------------------------------------
  (Rebecca)
  This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery
 of literature. My writing partner is a violent,
 chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.
 

----------------------------------------------------------
  (Gary)
  Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious
 neurotic whose attempts at writing are the
  literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have
 chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of
 FUCKING TEA??? Oh no, I'm such an air headed bimbo
 who reads too many Danielle Steele novels."
 

----------------------------------------------------------
  (Rebecca)
  Asshole.
 

----------------------------------------------------------
  (Gary)
  Bitch.
 

--------------------------------------------------------
  (Rebecca)
  DICK!
 

---------------------------------------------------------
  (Gary)
  Slut.
 

---------------------------------------------------------
  (Rebecca)
  Get fucked.
 

----------------------------------------------------------
  (Gary)
  Eat shit.
 

---------------------------------------------------------
  (Rebecca)
  FUCK YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!
 

----------------------------------------------------------
  (Gary)
  Go drink some tea - whore.
  **********************************************
  (TEACHER)
  A+ - I really liked this one. Only group to get an
 A.

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