that knew me on the phone by my voice.  Started telling me all about myself...
where I worked...where we met...and that she knew me very well from a couple  
of years prior, from a strip joint we met at.  I played along with her (kinda scary)
since I didn't have a clue who it was even though she had all 9s and 10s for looks on TER.
Anyway, it took a lot of thinking that night and then about 1AM, I jumped  
out of be bed and remembered who it was.  Very strange since she had a face that
was hard to forget.

-- Modified on 11/25/2017 8:21:56 PM

Here are some of my favorite ones from the past. Fire sale in the hotel room, the damn hotel staff, EMT’S, fire dept. and LE were in our room. I’m trying to get rid of the power blue effect, by using ice. The second one is the hotel entrance was locked up because of time of the day or whatever it was, so the hotel security lets me in and I’m carrying a sex wedge.  

The third one is that I called for an outcall for only one escort, but 3 ladies show up at the door. They told me the reason why, it’s because in case I wanted to have some extra fun… but I’m short Franklins. So we went into negotiations and then we all piled into their car to go to the bank. In the end two of the ladies were on rotation…I’m not sure that I could have handled all three at once. The last one is I made a outcall date for a certain time, but also set up the exact same time for a utility guy to do some work in the house…the escort had no problem with the repair guy in the house. Most of the date was like this, I’m in my bedroom with her, and the guy would ask me something from my living room. I would have to put my clothes on, go out into the living room to talk to him…back and forth. I told her what she really wanted was a tag team…plus he was wearing a uniform…I think I have my old IHOP uniform in the basement?

So, it was my first time seeing this gent. He requested I wear a skirt. One of my girlfriends left this really really hot red dress at my place, so I brought that. I am a few minutes out from the session start, and I try to put it on. Well, I don't account for the fact that she is like SUPER tiny, waaaay tinier than I am. The dress gets stuck on me. Everytime I pull up it gets tighter... Same when I pull down. I start to panic. Only makes it worse, so I just stop struggling. So, he arrives. And, I answer the door with my arms poking out the top of the dress like a T Rex, a red face, and all I can say is PLEASE HELP ME. He was fairly new to the hobby, and I think it made him a little less nervous. But, I felt like a doofus. So, he helped me out of it, and I found something else in the incall closet, and threw it on. I will never try to wear someone else's outfit again, unless I try it on at home. LOL.

This last June I had a provider who was riding me reverse call girl fall asleep (or pass out) and face plant into the mattress. I had to extricate myself out from underneath her.  I roused her enough for her to say she was okay.  But sleep was her strongest desire after that.  I eventually left her snoring in bed, and covered her with the sheets.

If I pretend I'm attacking a woman, my dog will come after me and snap at my crotch.  On the other hand, he will attempt to hump women who are on their period or teenage girls.  So my ATF and I had just finished tearing into each other, and I said "Check this out. "  I picked up a back scratcher and swatted at her, yelling "Bad Mia! Naughty Mia!" Instead of attacking me, he ran up to her and stuck his cold little nose in her pussy. You should have seen the look on her face.  She didn't get mad, though; I think she saw the look on MY face and realized that wasn't the intended outcome.

END OF MESSAGE

...When I arrived at the apt. complex of a provider that I was seeing for the first time I discovered I had left my phone at home, the provider had told me the complex she lived in but asked me to call when I arrived to get her unit number, I did have her phone # written on a slip of paper so I went to a nearby gas station & called her. The session was incredible !!! Another time during a session with an A.T.F. provider I was unable to find my watch when I finished dressing as I walked out of her apt. complex I noticed a titeness in my right shoe upon removing my shoe there was the watch. I have had many years of experience in the hobby & each encounter is still enough excitement to distract me from my everyday behavior.

After a great session one warm Friday afternoon a few years ago, I was about halfway home when I realized the envelope was still in my pocket.  Normally I set it down right after walking in, but that day she was waiting just inside the door wearing her birthday suit (which looks mah-vel-lous on her) and, well, I got distracted and one thing led to another and...  Anyway, I pulled off the freeway and called her to see if I could go back and give her the envelope.  She said she had to get going in about ten minutes. I asked her what street she was parked on and told her to look for me at a specific corner as she started driving.  I got there in less than ten minutes, got out of my car and stood at the curb, and she drove up, opened the window, took the envelope and drove off.  

Fortunately, she thought it was funny also.  😏

New twist in the term"drive by"

My dog story is somewhat similar, most dogs like to stick their noses in places. What I started to do was before she gets here, is to put the dog/dogs in another bedroom and shut the door…that bedroom is next to mine. We are proceeding with the date and all of a sudden BOOM…BOOM. She asks me what the hell was that, then looks out the window…I said to her…wait for it. The dog starts to howl…

I told her that the dog is running into the door and then howls a little. Always have a rawhide or two handy so you can throw into the bedroom.

This happened last summer in Miami.  I saw a provider that resembled a Scarlett Johansson wearing a purple mini dress, purple streaks on her blond hair,  and purple lip stick.  Super fucking hot and could have been Scarlett's younger sister.  But she laid down the rules right away and no LFK or DFK on the menu.  

I was disappointed as she had the one of the sexiest face and lips I've seen and I was dying to kiss those lips.  Anyway....fast forward 10 mins while I'm slowly undressing her and kissing her neck, I ask for one quick kiss.  She hesitates then kisses me for more than a few seconds.  Then I ask for another......then another...next thing there is DFK until the end of the session.  Awesome session.  Best $350 i spent in Miami.   We went a little over our one hour session so I got dressed in a hurry and apologized for the long kiss.   She smiles, hugs me,  then said not to worry we are even.  And off to the parking lot I went.

Now it gets interesting.  When entering the hotel the bell boy looks at me and tells me 'Yo amigo.  Mucho gusto Miami" I smiled said yes and thought a bit strange.  But It is Miami, people are friendly.  Now past the lobby a few people look at me and smile.  At this point, fuck, I know something is wrong, but can't figure out.  My shirt is on, pants are zipped, etc. I walk past a couple that said something in Spanish I couldn't figure out.

As soon as I get on the elevator I look in the mirror and holy fuck I have lip stick all over.  My fucking face resembles Bozo the clown.  Purple all around my lips.   My whitish shirt also has purple lipstick streaks all over it.  How much lipstick could she possibly have been wearing....  It was one of the moments I literally said holy fuck out-loud and did not recognize myself in the mirror.   And as if I couldn't get more embarrassed a large groups gets in,  all wearing suites and tie, and seems like everyone was going to a different floor with my floor being the last.

Anyway - one of my top 10 lobbying unforgettable experiences.  I think she did it on purpose, but It was worth every minute.

END OF MESSAGE

... since there were no drugs, just an envelope!  😂

Maybe it was just a birthday card.  😉

You mean like the time I was doggy styling this girl and my cat came up behind me and started shadow boxing my balls during
my doggy styling. I had to withdraw to throw the animal off the bed. Ridiculous.

30 years ago, before the Internet and independent providers, I used to visit a brothel in NYC.  I got to know the providers pretty well there, as well as another client, a jolly, rotund Hassidic Jew by the name of Nelson.  It was about this time of year then, and Nelson and I got the bright idea of having a holiday party there.  We each booked a couple of hours, I got a load of cosmetics and "beauty aids," and wrapped them up, and we did the party, with Nelson, in his black suit and long black beard, taking the girls on his lap and playing Santa.

I was asked to accompany a client on business to London. As you can imagine I was ecstatic! The day arrives, and I arrive at DFW (I was based in Dallas at the time) for the first leg of the flight to Atlanta. We are texting and everything is going well - flirty banter, finalizing dinner/after work plans and what not. I board my flight for Heathrow and out of nowhere, this man calls me and says, "LJ, I can't find my passport. My flight leaves in "x" hours. If I miss my flight but find it, I'll take the next one out in "x" hours. If not, I'll cover everything before you land. No matter what, be at "x" location in Terminal 2 after you enter the country." Mind you, we are minutes away from the door closing. So, for the next seven to eight hours, I am trying to enjoy myself, while all the while in the back of my mind, panicking that I may be in London by myself for an extended amount of time. Which, in reality, isn't always a bad thing but I enjoy this person's company; so, I would like them to be there. Anywho, I get through customs, go to our meeting location, and wait. I kept checking my phone and my email - absolute radio silence. It was 8am in London and 2am on the East Coast - for all I knew this man was asleep.  

 
Two hours later, I see someone standing next to my table, I look up, and there he is. We had a legitimate "Love Actually" moment that included lots of laughs, smiles, and a few cuss words. So no, it didn't end horribly wrong but y'all, I was pretty damn sure it was about to.  

 
Oh, and to top it off, his passport was misplaced in the best place ever. A wine box haha!!

-- Modified on 11/29/2017 8:54:06 PM

END OF MESSAGE