At a couple of locations, I have run into some very hot looking ladies that I assumed were providers but proved to be actual residents. I have said hello to one and she responded in turn. If I wasn't married, I would have followed up but since having a civvy affair is one of those things that get complicated, I prefer to stick to the client  / provider set up where things are more clear and the relationship lasts that hour.

I know it sounds callous but in all honesty, it works out. Trying to justify breaking ones marriage vows is never easy and I am not doing so in this case. For me, it is easier to move on once your done.

Early in this hobby, I was very confused and ended up nearly being drawn into something that was unhealthy and would have proved to be disastrous if it were not for a few things that intervened.

My question is, where do you draw the line in a client  / provider relationship? With being a regular, you become familiar with a particular provider (s) and things can get complicated or they may not. Would it depend on the safe guards that you and the provider have setup to not get too emotionally involved?


Beemer sitting on the dock of the bay...

I've been divorced many years, so I don't have this problem when I see providers.  But the reason I got divorced was I got emotionally involved with another woman and couldn't handle the situation I'd created.  So I know it can be like walking through a mine field, and the emotional damage to everyone involved is just about the same.

The key is always to keep your perspective in the hobby, and that means keep your emotions in check.  We all know escorts are skilled at creating the ideal male fantasy.  But men who visit them, whether single or married, just need to remember that it's only a fantasy- and while you can visit as often as you like, you can't live there.

amen to that....


Beems

Sex for money does not equal love.  I can't tell you how many times there's been situations that guys fuck themselves up that I am aware of.  I've been at fault too.  Even if you become a "regular" it doesn't mean much if you are still paying for companionship.  It just means that it's a good fit, and it's a mutually beneficial client/provider relationship.  This is a job for these ladies.  That's just hard facts.  Money is being exchanged for a service.  That's a job.

Here's where you draw the line:  Once you're in the door, she is your lover and a play date.  Once you're out of the door, she's a fond memory.  Maybe to be revisited again.

Nonetheless, there are some UTRs that I've become friends with.  But I have no illusions that it is no more than a friendship.  I try to keep romantic emotions or involvements in check.  It can be difficult.  

of the boundaries that you set.  If you have healthy, strong and entrenched boundaries, P4P will remain just that no matter how much YMMV, if you catch my drift.

Unfortunately, no matter what your P4P partner does, short of being a Bitch-On-Wheels, will have an impact on the boundaries that you set.  Again, you are the responsible party here...

DD

in the words of the great charlie sheen...

"i dont pay hookers for sex, i pay them to leave"

that is as honest of a statement as i have ever heard to answer your question.

Oh where is Kimchi and High Roller, the ones so offended about married guys participating in the hobby. How offened they are about this subject. reality about this is I have run into a similar situation but the reality is unless you are willing to give up your current situation it is not a good idea, this is a way to help accomodate a need that is not provided on a regular basis.

Sorry.  Hit wrong button on my phone.  I have never had and don't think I could have an affair.  However,  I hobby and that works for me.  One reason I see k-girls is they provide great sex but not much more.  Given the language barrier,  etc, I think an  emotional relationship would be difficult, and anyway, they are not interested.

look no offense, but how do you know this kgirl wasn't acting?  when i was with my ex she had alot of regulars that she communicate to each separately that he were special and she cared about him.  then she came home and brought their gifts for me.  so you need to clear that up first.  don't assume she felt the same way about you. but if whatever reason you beat the impossible and she says she likes you as a BF.  well the way you can know for sure to test her sincerity is easy.   see if she sees you outside of work without charging you, when you guys go eat see if she tries to pay, and last most important whether she has sex with you for free and without condom.   so did she??  if not then shes using you.


anyway,  you don't need to draw the line.  the girl will draw it for you.  they have bigger priority then you.  they have debt and bills and need money.  they are having sex with 6-7 other guys later that day and then some guys they will see maybe 2-3 times a week as they have more money then you.  so the odds of them developing any feelings for one guy is pretty low.   and from what i can tell you don't speak korean.   and unless this girl spoke english...your relationship is and was never going to happen.  but then maybe you will get a girl who wants you but suddenly asks you to marry her.  well then you have bigger problems.

As I recall, a lot of their rants are about married guys coming on and explaining/justifying why they are hobbying.  Beemer didn't do that and specifically said he wasn't going there.

be such a big problem? I would marry my K-ATF if she said she needed to get married in order to stay in the country. Beautiful young girls should never be forced to leave the USA. In fact, ICE should make a new rule: "If you're hot, you can stay!"

Of course it was one sided. What else could I expect. But as I said, some timely things happened that helped me to recover and taught me valuable lessons in the hobby.

Being such a newbie then, I went in with rose colored glasses. But it happens to the best and the worst. I have learned in my experience to enjoy each hour and just that. I know that once I leave the next guy becomes the king of his own kingdom and that is that.



Beems and the pauper!

Genuine relationships do sometimes happen. Many of the veterans have learned their lessons from experiencing the good the bad and the ugly. B310 obviously has.

But  too often guys confuse or allow illusion and fantasy to appear as reality. The successful pros are successful because they are capable of making you think that you are their ideal lover and they adore your every move. They may even give extras to keep you hooked. 

The gullible guys believe it , never realizing that the K-dolls intention is to both give them a memorable experience and to generate repeat business with a client under her spell , who is safe , reliable and liquid. They will do anything and say more to build up a repeat client base. The smart accept what is offered but know better than to believe the sweet nothings uttered by the girls in the trick pad.   

It is worth remembering that the girls are well trained into parting a fool from his money. They can easily identify easy targets , impressionable guys and naive and use them to their own ends including as cosigners .

It may seem fine but it is not really that way at all.    

Approved!  

My brothers, let's not loose sight of the fact that the "trick pad" is in effect a portal to another world.  As much as you are not the same person outside of it, neither is the provider.  If you frequent providers, you are definitely wrong to stereotype them as manipulators simply after your money.  Rather, they are people at work.  Just like you are when you're at work, you're there to make money.  You may love your job, you may hate your job, but the goal of everyone's job is the same.  Make money.  And, of course, you have your "professional" personality and your "real world" personality.  Now when physical intimacy gets involved, it's easy to start getting things twisted.  I'm an old dog so I've been around.  I've had the good fortune to befriend past providers.  I've even has an old favorite regularly invite me over and make lunch for me.  We chatted quite a bit. And it was always very clear.  At lunch she was always just a girl in an apartment in sweats.  No sexy heels, no sexy eye makeup.  Just a chick you know making lunch and shooting the $hit.  She made it very clear. "I like you.  I like talking to you.  It keeps me from being lonely or homesick.  But I like my independence more than I want to be married or have a kid.  So I'm never getting married or having a kid.  I'm definitely not staying in the US.  I'm going to make my money and go home and open a shop and forget everything I don't want to remember about being here."  They're just people.  Some are good.  Some are bad.  Just like customers.  I suppose it comes down to being realistic about what you're actually looking for in the hobby and in life.  Whatever that is, please try to treat our providers and each other with dignity and respect.

It can only be one or the other - you are either a client or you are intimate friends. When you "draw a line", you are acknowledging these 2 types of relationships and you can only be on one side. You are currently a client and maybe "friends" with the provider. You may want to be more than "friends", but that obviously requires consent by the provider, who then also needs to no longer look at you as her client. So, it's not a matter of "drawing a line", which already exists, but "crossing the line" onto the other side, which is not a unilateral decision. I know it has happened to others, but one needs to understand that the provider is not suddenly going to become a "lover" (i.e., not charge for sex) just because she likes her client.

I don't know whether you are serious, but ICE looks down upon these types of marriages, and considers these as "sham" marriages which are subject to prosecution as federal crimes. Not something to take lightly.
http://www.ice.gov/news/releases/1107/110726sacramento.htm

because they are dumb. If you enter into one of these arrangements, you have to go all the way.

That means, when the ICE agent asks you: "What side of the bed does she sleep on?" and "Who woke up first this morning, you or her?" ... you better know each other well enough to give the right answers.

If someone pays you to put your name on a document, that ain't gonna cut it.

Well said, Gaijin. 100% on target.

Well said is all I can say.