When I was quite young and I was just learning about sexuality, I remember that a complaint that women used to have about men is that they were discourteous lovers and they just got on and “did their business” and got off.  They didn’t pay attention to whether the woman was having a good experience.

Well, times have changed and so have men.  I have witnessed that, in general, today’s man, is a much more sexually thoughtful man. They truly care if the woman they are having sex with is enjoying herself too. They want to please her.  They want to make her come.

However, I have noticed that the pendulum has swung in the completely opposite direction.  I have often encountered the fact that many men have attached their self esteem, in relation to sex, as to whether or not they make a woman come, rather than being in the moment and just enjoying whatever unfolds.  I have experienced that men are often plagued with performance anxiety.  They think that they know what they need to do to make the woman happy, and when they don’t perform to the ideal in their head, they feel bad about themselves.

This is what I called goal oriented sex, or performance oriented sex, and it can really ruin what could be a wonderful sensual experience.

I have come to discover that often, when I’m with a man, he has the idea in his head that what will please me is if he can perform sexually the way my co-workers and I perform in my movies.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  The sex that I have on camera is a formulaic performance sex, designed to stimulate the watcher.  But the kind of sex that I have on camera is not the kind of sex I enjoy when I’m off camera.

When I am in private with a man, I like to think of sex as a full body massage that includes the genitals.  I like it to start slowly and sensually.  One of my favorite things to do is to give a man a wonderful cock massage with my mouth.  This is much different than the kinds of blow job that you see on camera, and if I did this type of oral sex on in a movie, it would be boring to watch because it is not obvious from the outside what I am doing with my mouth on the inside.  

I touch my warm wet tongue to his cock.  I slowly and gently explore his cock with my tongue and I get his cock nice and moist with my mouth.  I subtly massage his cock with my tongue.  I gently swipe my tongue back and forth across his frenulum, which is a very sensitive part of the cock.  I intuitively explore his cock with my mouth.  There is no formula for this type of massage, it is all about responding to the moment.  I can sense what is pleasurable to his cock in that moment.  I pay attention to my tongue, and if it feels pleasurable my tongue, it is highly likely that it is pleasurable to him.

I allow the moment to direct me as to how this gentle cock massage will go.  Sometimes it progresses to a more vigorous course of action, either sucking harder, or using both my hand and mouth in an up and down motion to give greater stimulation.  And sometimes it stays soft, subtle and quiet and the man floats in a state of orgasmic pleasure.  Some times it ends in orgasm, some times it does not.  Sometimes it leads to sex, sometimes it does not.

What is important is that we both stay in the moment, let go of any preconceived ideas of where this should lead and enjoy the pleasure that we are giving each other in each moment.

Like I said earlier, often men will have their sexual self esteem connected to a preconceived goal in their head, which is usually that they want to give a woman an orgasm - and in this case I’m talking specifically about me.  I have found that because of this desire to give pleasure, men sometimes have a hard time just laying back and being a good receiver.  Well, I’m here to tell you that you are naked in bed with me, it is totally ok, to relax and allow yourself to be a good receiver for some of the time we are together.  I get a lot of pleasure out of giving you pleasure.  So when you relax and allow yourself to be a good receiver, you are also giving me pleasure.

Once I was with a lovely man and I was giving him one of my wonderful cock massages with my mouth.  He was having a wonderful time, writhing in an orgasmic state. The energy passing between us was wonderful.  And then he expressed that he was disappointed because he really wanted to make me happy sexually, and he felt like he was failing to please me because we weren’t having sex like I have in the movies.

I was so heartbroken for him.  Here we were in the moment having an absolutely wonderful time.  The last thing I wanted in that moment was to perform sex like I do in the movies.  The warmth and sensuality that we were sharing with each other was absolutely exquisite.  I wanted for nothing more than what arose between us in the moment.  I felt that the evening was perfect and I was completely happy, satisfied and content.  I felt so bad that he was criticizing himself for not performing for me the way that he thought I wanted.

So my lovely dear men, I invite you to let go of your preconceived ideas of what you think will please a woman, and focus on the experience in front of you.  Allow it to unfold organically and just do what feels good in the moment.  

I invite you to let go of goal and performance oriented sex.  Goal and performance oriented sex often leads to performance anxiety, which leads to an inability to perform.  I think that it is wonderful that you want to please the woman you are with.  But let go of your preconceived ideas of what that should look like and pay attention to how she is responding in the moment.  Pay attention to her sounds.  If she is making sounds of pleasure, then do more of that.  If she is not making pleasure sounds then maybe try something different.

Start with slow subtle touch and just see where it goes.  Sometimes it will end up in really hot sex that resembles what you see in the movies.  But sometimes you can give each other amazing pleasure to each other in a softer, more subtle way.  I believe that most people on the planet completely underestimate the exquisite pleasure that can be derived from soft subtle touch.  You never see this type of sexuality on camera, because, frankly, it would be very boring to watch.  What feels good, doesn’t necessarily translate to being stimulating to watch, and what looks great on camera and very stimulating to watch, often is not what feels good in private.

Also, I feel it is important to share that when I am with a man, I am not comparing him to any other man.  The two of us are creating a unique sensual experience that only the two of us will share, and it is going to be completely different than any other experience that I have created with any other person.  So there is no reason to feel that you have to perform like the men that you have imagined that I’ve been with, or the men that you’ve seen me on camera with and are comparing yourself and your performance to.

I truly don’t want you to perform.  I want you to relax and allow us to create a unique sensual, sexual experience that will not be compared to any other, it is unique to us.  We can focus on bringing each other pleasure in the way that unfolds for us in the moment.  And that may not look like any thing you have experienced before, and it may not look like what you have seen in the movies.  What is important is having a energetic sensual connection and responding to the moment and doing what makes us feel good in that moment.  Each time we are with each other, it will be a unique expression of sexuality, not to be compared to anything else.

Lots of Lust,
Keisha

-- Modified on 1/26/2012 5:21:45 PM

I did not read it all (sorry) but from what I did read your writing skills are pretty good.

I post on the wrong board sometimes. I think he is saying its on the wrong board because you provided your link. I don't think us girls can post are links on the discussion boards. Only on the AD boards once every seven days.

It probably makes no difference...and i guess this can be considered brown nosing [altho what i benefit from that, i haven't a clue]...but i agree.

Any time a provider says something in this section that makes us like her, or turns us on, it is a subtle advertisement. Sometimes it is not subtle at all.

But that is not the same as an actual advertisement. Nor is this.

This is someone with interesting experiences; someone who knows a lot about the topic; sharing those thoughts and experiences with us here.

That is the point of good conversation anywhere.

attest to the fact that this is one very sexy and incredibily intelligent women.

Her post certainly did NOT come off as an ad. It made for very interesting reading.

I agree, I don't look at this post as an advertisement at all.

Thanks for sharing!

rates as they are posted on your website or on your TER profile?

granted, keisha did post a link to her site (which beat poet above said was ok), but before that, she wrote a long and thoughtful musing on sensuality and approaches thereto.

i for one applaud her writings and plan to attempt to implement her attitude in future dates.  no more worrying who came how many times, i'm just going to laugh and kiss and enjoy my date's company.

i wish i had this attitude 30 years ago!  lol!

Because I am always satisfied. LOL

I completely agree and wonder sometimes if the same isn't true in reverse ...

It has been a while since I've posted here on The Erotic Review, so I'm just learning all the new rules.  Fortunately, there is a gentleman who is very familiar with the boards that is giving me pointers, so bear with me while I go through the learning curve.  I'm just trying to let you guys get to know who I am and what I'm all about.

I can't expect that just because I post an ad on the ad board that you will all flock to my website and get in line to see me.  I know that you need to get to know me and see what I'm all about before you decide that you want to see me.  

I've not been very active in the last few years, so I know that I need to re-introduce myself to all you hobbyists.  I figured one of the ways to do that was to share some of my writing with you.

I am working on creating a line of videos called "Sex Education for Grown Ups."  And in that process, I am interviewing a lot of people about their sex lives and what they want and need and what they would like to improve.

I have discovered that one of the things that is epidemic is this whole goal oriented sex.  I think it's wonderful that the consciousness of men has been raised to the point to that they are very eager to make a woman orgasm.  But I have found that what is happening, is that women are faking their orgasms just so the guy won't feel bad.  One woman that I interviewed who has been married for 30 years and is 68 years old and she said that she still does that.  She will often fake her orgasms for her husband so that he won't feel bad about not making her orgasm.  

The bottom line is that men and women both want to please each other and that is a good thing.  But what is happening is that women will fake their orgasms just to please the man and so that he will feel good about himself, because he really wants to please her and give her an orgasm.  It's a bit of a catch-22.  I am working on creating some awareness of this phenomena and encourage people to be in the moment an not be so goal and performance oriented when it comes to sex.  There is so much sensual pleasure to be had if people can just be real with each other.

I do a lot of research on sexuality and one of my favorite books is called "Great Sex - A Man's Guide to The Secret Principles of Total Body Sex" by Michael Castelman.  It is an amazing book.    

Here is a quote from the introduction:

"Stop trying to imitate what you see in pornography--the rushed mechanical sex that's entirely focused on the genitals.  Instead, cultivate the opposite of porn: leisurely, playful, creative, whole-body, massage-based lovemaking that includes the genitals, but is not obsessed with them.    

"Porn is all genital, all the time--and it wreaks havoc on men in bed.  When you stop trying to imitate porn, most of your sex problems disappear--in particular, involuntary ejaculation, erection difficulties, and trouble ejaculating.  The reason is that our bodies work best sexually in the context of relaxed, full-body sensuality.  Unfortunately, the approach to lovemaking most familiar to the majority of men is pornography, and familiarity reeds imitation.  Mimicking porn also hurts men in another way: It makes them lousy lovers.  According to the "Sex in America" survey, one-quarter of women have difficulty expressing orgasm during partner sex, or can't come at all.

"The sexual approach that I advocate happens to be the way most women enjoy making love.  Every major sex survey agrees that the vast majority of women would like men to expand their erotic view beyond the genitals and adopt a love style based on whole-body, massage-inspired sensuality.  Most women consider the entire body--every square inch--one big erogenous zone, and can't understand why so many men explore only a few corners of their vast erotic playground.  Many women find it impossible to become sexually aroused with only the limited, largely genital touch that men provide."

When I'm with a man sexually, I encourage him to not be goal and performance oriented.  We both end up having a better time.  When ever a guy is "trying" to make me orgasm, it makes it very difficult for me to orgasm. I feel pressure to perform and he feels pressure to perform and that's not what sex is supposed to be about.

I was dating a guy and before he went down on me for the first time, I told him, "whatever you do, don't try to make me orgasm.  Just be in the moment and really enjoy exploring my pussy.  That will allow me to relax and if an orgasm arises spontaneously in the moment then great!  If not, then that is ok to.  I don't need to have an orgasm to enjoy having my pussy eaten.  I can just enjoy the deliciousness of having a soft warm tongue exploring and massaging my pussy."

Anyway, I just wanted to share this information with all of you here.  I think it's a good conversation to be had.

-- Modified on 1/27/2012 2:08:46 PM

Hi Kate,  Thanks for the vote of confidence.  I'm looking forward to meeting you at the luncheon.  Bond has said some wonderful things about you.  I checked out your website and you are a lovely, elegant and classy lady and I can't wait to meet you.

Keisha

Thank you zorbaelgreeko.  I appreciate the compliments.  I hope you are having a lovely day.

When you say you wonder if the same isn't true in reverse, what exactly do you mean?  Do you mean about women having the goal of making the guy cum?  If so, yes, that can be a big problem too.  

For me, the best orgasms happen when they arrive naturally rather than pushing for them.

yes, the whole idea was to share my writing and to strike up a conversation.  Of course, I want you all to book a date with me, but a little aural foreplay is necessary.  Don't you think?

Some are just more creative than others. But the overall message especially with a link to a website is an attempt to gain attention.

And sounds like you're new to LA Board, where to get any guys' attention, they typically had to use that buzz word -- kgirl, kinda like "Open the door Sesime". (lol)
Congrats, you have achieved some records here.

On that theory, no provider could ever start a thread on this board. Please cancel my TER membership if we ever get to that point!

Seriously, if we discourage providers from contributing to the regional boards (as distinguished from the regional ad boards), the regional boards will become extraordinarily dull. We need contributions from hobbyists and providers alike to keep the discussions alive and interesting. If there is some subtle advertising aspect to that for the providers, that doesn't bother me in the least.

Hi Ejwu077,

Yes, I am new to the Los Angeles TER Board.  

I started escorting in  2001, but I never worked much in Los Angeles, I was always touring in places like San Francisco, New York, Washington DC, etc.  

Then I was back in Los Angeles in between touring, I didn't do much escorting here because I was working on other projects like making movies or working on my website, or just resting.

For the past few years, although I've been retired from touring and staying in Los Angeles, I haven't done much escorting here.  But now I would like to start escorting more here in Los Angeles.  So I'm trying to familiarize myself with the LA hobbyists  and find out what they want and need in an escort.  I can only give people what they want if I find out what that is.   So I really appreciate all the answers you and everybody else have given me.  

Thanks,
Keisha

That's exactly what I mean ...  I love the french term, suggesting orgasm is "the little death," le petite morte, and sometimes I feel that way myself.  Sometimes I love to have a sexual encounter without coming.  It leaves me feeling invigorated rather than tired.  To be sure, there are times when relief is necessary, but not all the time.  A woman's reaction when this is the case is always interesting to me.  It is as though something is not complete.

So yes, both ways.