I'm using an alias so that no one will know who I have fallen for. Basically I have an ATF that I have seen multiple times and over the last 2-3 visits have developed a real emotional crush for. Intellectually speaking I don't think it is fair to burden this young woman with my emotions. But obviously on an emotional level the temptation is there to try and make a connection and get her to reciprocate.
Aside from being afraid to look foolish (maybe I actually am) as a middle aged man having a mid-life crisis and a ridiculous infatuation with a young lady who could never reciprocate those feelings I am wondering if any of the providers could give me some insight as to how they feel about clients who become emotionally attached? Is it flattering, is it threatening or scary (I haven't done anything stalker like), do you laugh at us? I think the best thing is to not let on how much I care and keep it purely superficial and about the professional business but would appreciate any comments, either here or on a PM if you wish. Would it be nice for this young woman to hear how much of an influence she has or would that be intimidating or burdensome . . . .Okay... Simply put... If you're actually as you say a 'middle aged man', you're old enough to be done with high school crushes. Jesus, you're pathetic. Sorry, harsh but true, and I'm betting I'm not the only one who'll say it.
Just the fact that you've brought up the 'stalker' line, If you have to ask, you already know the answer. I wish I could tell this girl whoever she is to get a restraining order.
Do yourself (and her) a favor, quit before you do something stupid and cross a line you'll regret. Stop seeing her, take a vacation, and deal with some reality.
DkG
That is pretty much the internal monologue that I Have. I wouldn't say it is really that bad but I certainly take your point. I got into this hobby to have fun without complications or emotional entanglements. It is funny how you sometimes can't prevent yourself from feeling something however.
I am nowhere near doing anything that would require a restraining order or that would make anyone uncomfortable.
At any rate while I certainly expect some abuse similar to this, I actually asked for input from our lady friends so please don't clutter up the msg thread to much please. I actually would like some provider perspective on this.
I have been in this hobby now for 15 years. I have seen it all. I think DG was being a little hard on you. I think DG had some issues with someone he fell for about 9 years ago.
I have had many friendships / relationships with providers both in Vegas and LA. While it was fun, most of these relationships ended up costing me more money and a ton of extra stress.
Just the fact that you've brought up the 'stalker' line, If you have to ask, you already know the answer. I wish I could tell this girl whoever she is to get a restraining order.
Do yourself (and her) a favor, quit before you do something stupid and cross a line you'll regret. Stop seeing her, take a vacation, and deal with some reality.
DkG
I didn't really get butthurt by DG. What he says has an element of truth to it. I am not trying to create a "real" relationship with this woman, that would be impractical and as you say very stressfull.
Thanks for your thoughts.
Well, sorry if I came across a little harsh, but I was just trying to get you to take off the rose colored glasses. Try not to confuse the fantasy with the reality. Give yourself a chance to step back, and once the passion of the moment has worn off, some amount of perspective may come to you, I hope.
Not to lessen your emotional investment here, but really, I think you're letting your little head take over the thinking on this. If you need to tell her how you feel, by all means go ahead, but figure out what you expect to come of that. What is your hope? A relationship? A discount? And know that just in every relationship, what you want and expect and feel may be totally different from what the other person wants, etc.
Ultimately though, when you strip all the veneer away, this is a service business. And those who give the best service and connect best with their customers get more business than those who don't. She may just be really good at her customer service.
DkG
Try e harmony.
Honestly, it sounds like you are slipping off the edge. Stay away from her.... You are in a lose lose situation.
do not open your pocketbook to her!!!!
Aside from being afraid to look foolish (maybe I actually am) as a middle aged man having a mid-life crisis and a ridiculous infatuation with a young lady who could never reciprocate those feelings I am wondering if any of the providers could give me some insight as to how they feel about clients who become emotionally attached?
Is it flattering, is it threatening or scary (I haven't done anything stalker like), do you laugh at us?
I think the best thing is to not let on how much I care and keep it purely superficial and about the professional business but would appreciate any comments, either here or on a PM if you wish. Would it be nice for this young woman to hear how much of an influence she has or would that be intimidating or burdensome . . . .
Guys come on, give the man a break, it's happened to all of us at some point.
And yes i've been there with a client or two and my advice is do what i do. Take a break and centre yourself emotionally, move on with other girls and allow for the emotions to pass.
If you continue to see her and only her your feelings towards her will only enhance, which i'm guessing not something that she would want.
If you need more closure than that then tell her how you feel, but if you know it's one sided there's no point hun unless you need that gun to be fired.
My feeling is that you are more infatuated with her than actually falling in love with her and if that is the case then you need to run in the opposite direction.
Don't beat yourself up, just stop seeing her xx
Minx is right, that’s how you should handle it.
However easier said than done. I say go ahead and simply ask if she would like to hang out otc and take it from there, at least you will get your answer and would not have to wonder.
Something to consider tho, if you do get what you THINK you want and it will be more or less mutual, now what
If not, then all good things must come to an end.
I have had several, but sooner, or later the relationship ends because the guy feels since were, so close the compensation should decrease, then end. After time the maximum being 10 years it is time to move on this is TER not match maker.
-- Modified on 1/7/2014 10:30:51 PM
I have had several, but sooner, or later the relationship ends because the guy feels since were, so close the compensation should decrease, then end. After time the maximum being 10 years it is time to move on this is TER not match maker.
-- Modified on 1/7/2014 10:30:51 PM
-- Modified on 1/7/2014 11:00:45 PM
I think you may be worrying too much.
You may have a crush on her because of how great she is. Most guys have a favorite, and refer to them as ATF.
Love? Spending 1 or 2 hours at a time having sex, is no way to establish intimacy.
Maybe your small head thinks this is love.
On the other hand if you are married, why waste your time and hers by trying to establish a relationship?
I'm single, and if I were looking for love, I would be on eharmony .com. LOL!
My advice: keep it simple. Enjoy your ATF and pay to say goodby. Don't create DRAMA.
Seeing the same girl is like eating at the same restaurant. In a couple of months, you tired of it and move on...
For now enjoy the moment
Worry less
Life is short
Cc
maybe he will start to eat Italino?
-- Modified on 1/9/2014 3:07:33 AM
having sex is way way way different from having a relationship with these chicks.
out in the bedroom you see them eat, fart, dump, and be a lazy bum on the couch..etc...wakes you up real good.
and don't say your thing is different because you have an "emotional" connect and reveal and talk endlessly and know each other during your session. thats bedroom sex talk. get them outside and see them day to day and watch them be "real" its a different story.
do what i did. go bang some other hotter chick (and there will be...there always is) and you will forget the girl you "love" right now. power of the male genital cannot be defeated
out in the bedroom you see them eat, fart, dump, and be a lazy bum on the couch..etc...wakes you up real good.
Bobabear, you forgot to add be a lazy bum on the couch with a beer in their hand and playing with their balls
you chicks are the same...just have no balls to play wirh!
You sound sincere, but extraordinarily naive.
Your alias is perfectly apropos, and usually a case this acute is found in adolescence or those who never before experienced such longing for another. I wouldn't buy a ring or put a deposit down on a new house just yet. Pulling back and seeing some other providers as others have advised is a sound idea.
Always keep in mind that a "provider's" job is to fulfill a fantasy and/or temporarily fill in the missing puzzle piece in a client's life. The harsh and often disappointing reality is under the make-up, hair and attentive concupiscence she is just another breathing, pissing, pooping human with no more or no less faults than any other.
maybe try a week or multi-day 24 hour session with your crush provider. So you can see how it turns out outside of the bedroom.
-- Modified on 1/8/2014 9:53:47 AM
Thank you to all who responded here or in PM. Although lovesick is an accurate term for my feelings, I think my use of LoveSick as an alias may have magnified the apparent nature of my infatuation. I am not actually in love with this person and am not contemplating divorce or asking this woman to move in with me. I do have a pretty good sense of perspective and self-awareness about the situation.
I would guess that I am one of this woman's preferred clients but I have no illusion that I am anything more than that to her. It would be nice to be more to her but I don't think I am or could be. I really have nothing to offer her other than friendship and my patronage. I am not in a personal or financial position In which I could move this relationship to another level even if I thought she might want to.
My original post was really asking whether, given that situation, it would be appropriate to let this person now my feelings without any expectation that it would change our functional relationship.
Providers are people too and they have feelings. I was wondering whether this is something that would make a woman happy (knowing that somebody cares for her) or if would only serve to creep out this woman. I know that it will always vary from person to person and situation but wanted a general impression from the providers.
Given all the above, I agree with the prevailing advice to not mention anything. There is no real upside for me the only upside is maybe making this girl feel a little better (how much better can it make you feel to know that somebody you don't care about cares about you?) but at the risk of actually doing the opposite and ruining any chance of continuing to see her.
I will see her one more time at least and see if I can just enjoy the session without any excessive angst. If not I will have to follow the other advice and abstain from seeing her for a time.
Thanks again for the responses and different perspectives.
If what makes you happy is confessing feelings to her, then do it. Whatever happens , happens.
Some guys like women pissing on them. Some guys like to hope and dream.
If you're not mature enough to handle what happens, then she'll deal with you - she's a pro. If you are, then probably nothing will happen. But you'll have that warm feeling of hope-or whatever it is you are getting.
Just don't take it personally - it is completely ok for her to stay"in character" and I've you hope for years. That's her job and that's what you pay for.
I had one provider that I have seen at least 10 times that told me she bails on the hobbyist if they get too close or if she senses she is doing any harm to a wife or SO. I am far from the type of hobbyist that would cling or text excessively. She loves what she does for a living but doesn't want drama. (Nor do I for that manner)
it is foolish. aside from having fun, but you are supposed to have fun! like the scene from Moonstruck when Cher slaps Nick Cage in the face and says" snap out of it!"
-- Modified on 1/8/2014 4:01:16 PM
There has to be a little desire in it, attraction, or you might as well just sit there and play cards or checkers.
Jonathan
OK, so I came in late on this. Only been at this for a few years, and only got in it because of a loss situation. I 'like' most all of the ladies I've seen and try to be as natural and friendly as this type of situation allows. I'm also later middle-aged, and I was worried that I'd fall for one of the way-too-young ladies I've seen, but not even close because there's just too much of an age gap, little in common, the obvious reasons. I saw one very young lady for FBSM a number of times until she actually approached me with a confession that she had feelings for me. She didn't seem like the scheming type, and I thought, correctly, that this was just misguided. She knew a little about me, and had made some seeming jokes that I was the type of guy she would date (I was assuming she meant that IF I were 30 years younger). I left thinking it best that I never call her again, but I did, and spent most of the next session talking this out. She realized that what she really needed was to get out of the biz, which she did. Saw her in Costco a few months later with a knockout handsome boyfriend, about her age. I'd like to think he's the real deal. I ducked down the detergent isle so we didn't make eye contact. Just wanted to share a weird-but-true story that I'm sure will never happen again. But, probably the moral is that we're in this for fun and it's not a setting that's likely to result in healthy intimate emotional give and take. So, best just to keep it fun, be nice to each other and keep a bit of distance while still being friendly and human. We all deserve it.
-- Modified on 1/11/2014 5:52:30 PM