Don't know if anyone can actually answer but insight appreciated. Things are bad at home. It's basically got me thinking divorce or staying together and moving into another room. Not rich and no assets to split. She is 17 years younger with her kids 16 and 12 now. Married 8 together 11. Alimony is a fear but to be honest, at 53 with no house or retirement.....I just might say I lived it the best I could.  Leaving for whatever reason is hard....it's essentially been a SD/SB relationship essentially without the benefits. I think she is beautiful and I am just a average guy......so it gets me to my question, psychological instability aside.

Hello,  

This woman's advise is very good.  You should talk with a lawyer and find out what it will cost you to get out of you SD/SB relationship.  She could claim future social security benefits, when you reach 70 retirement age....verify

Why do you not want to fall in love?

I don't know what the best options are as far as the divorce situation goes. A talk with a lawyer may be a good starting point.

I am speechless!  Have no idea where to begin.

If you truly are lonely and don't want to spend the rest of your life alone, have you thought about trying to date a mature woman equal in age and average looks?    

You should really talk to an attorney about divorce.  There are usually some low cost methods for finding out some basic information, like what the likely range of financial consequences would be.  You are 53, she is 36 and has 2 children from before her time with you.  You have been married 8 years,  since she was 28.  Given the circumstances I don't see it very likely that you would have to pay crazy alimony for a long time.  Unless you adopted the kids you probably won't owe child support  and the youngest child will be out of the house in 6 years, making it easy for wife to work and support herself.

I've heard 10 years is a magic number. So at 8, you don't have much time if you're gonna consider pulling the ripcord. I'd also talk to a therapist, or a few good friends, siblings, pastor, etc. You might be less unhappy just sticking it out - I don't know.

If you are not happy with  your life ...calling provider or get to new younger woman   won t help much..
Do not  try put band aid in a  big wound .. Will not heal..
start to beeing grateful with things u have ...your healthy  
U live in a  relative good country .
You are  not in small  boat trying save your life with your children ..
anyway  I can go on on..  
Is easy to say rigth..
you are not alone  I saw lot guys feeling that way lol
And one more thing ... 53 is  sexy age!!! enjoy..
Live life  
Life is short...
CC

But I think you have to look at the two fundamental questions:  do you still love her and does she love you?   If the answer is no to either you need to get out now. It's hard, because after 11years, it sounds like things have devolved to merely a comfort level where the pain and heartache is decreasingly tolerable.  If the answer to both questions is yes, them marriage counseling is your next step.  

Posted By: Nightowl805

Don't know if anyone can actually answer but insight appreciated. Things are bad at home. It's basically got me thinking divorce or staying together and moving into another room. Not rich and no assets to split. She is 17 years younger with her kids 16 and 12 now. Married 8 together 11. Alimony is a fear but to be honest, at 53 with no house or retirement.....I just might say I lived it the best I could.  Leaving for whatever reason is hard....it's essentially been a SD/SB relationship essentially without the benefits. I think she is beautiful and I am just a average guy......so it gets me to my question, psychological instability aside.  
   
 I have been with two providers and it was just.....a lot of money. Lots of performance/anxiety issues.....all the background voices are loud.  I have tried Whatsyourprice, SeekingAraingement, Backpage and of course here.  I am either too poor, very probable or haven't hit an emotional connection like I need....not trying to fall in love but am lonely and need a sense of being wanted, even just a short period of time.  
   
 So Vegas for two days for a class. I am trying to decide if I can come up with enough money for a 4 hour date and a very, very nice room. Would probably be 2 to 2 1/2 k but a bucket list type of date. Not even sure if that is enough money but I would be stretching it to get to that.  
   
 Whatsyourprice type of dates for 100 plus expenses and an average room....a different woman each night and see what happens. Just a different type of scam or up-sell.  
   
 Get really scammed and try BP with unknown menu and probably huge up-sell.  
   
 Just be a good boy and go to class and watch tv being thankful I am not at home for two nights.  
   
 Lots of issues, I have enough introspection for that. Just feeling like a broken man a a failure in many ways looking for a 2 day fix lol

My mamma always said to me  
When the  poverty  comes to the door
The love jumps trew the window
But was way too young to UNDERTAND  
lol..
Sound after 5 years
U are in trapped ..
Learning?
 

Posted By: Jinx_The_Cat

But I think you have to look at the two fundamental questions:  do you still love her and does she love you?   If the answer is no to either you need to get out now. It's hard, because after 11years, it sounds like things have devolved to merely a comfort level where the pain and heartache is decreasingly tolerable.  If the answer to both questions is yes, them marriage counseling is your next step.    
   
 If you decide to get out, then absolutely see a lawyer.   Divorce in California after 5 years of marriage gets a bit complicated.  Even though you haven't adopted the kids, you may still owe child support. There are a ton of pitfalls and surprises.  So see a lawyer and make sure they are a certified family law specialist.  
   
   
   
   

Posted By: Nightowl805

Don't know if anyone can actually answer but insight appreciated. Things are bad at home. It's basically got me thinking divorce or staying together and moving into another room. Not rich and no assets to split. She is 17 years younger with her kids 16 and 12 now. Married 8 together 11. Alimony is a fear but to be honest, at 53 with no house or retirement.....I just might say I lived it the best I could.  Leaving for whatever reason is hard....it's essentially been a SD/SB relationship essentially without the benefits. I think she is beautiful and I am just a average guy......so it gets me to my question, psychological instability aside.  
     
  I have been with two providers and it was just.....a lot of money. Lots of performance/anxiety issues.....all the background voices are loud.  I have tried Whatsyourprice, SeekingAraingement, Backpage and of course here.  I am either too poor, very probable or haven't hit an emotional connection like I need....not trying to fall in love but am lonely and need a sense of being wanted, even just a short period of time.  
     
  So Vegas for two days for a class. I am trying to decide if I can come up with enough money for a 4 hour date and a very, very nice room. Would probably be 2 to 2 1/2 k but a bucket list type of date. Not even sure if that is enough money but I would be stretching it to get to that.  
     
  Whatsyourprice type of dates for 100 plus expenses and an average room....a different woman each night and see what happens. Just a different type of scam or up-sell.  
     
  Get really scammed and try BP with unknown menu and probably huge up-sell.  
     
  Just be a good boy and go to class and watch tv being thankful I am not at home for two nights.  
     
  Lots of issues, I have enough introspection for that. Just feeling like a broken man a a failure in many ways looking for a 2 day fix lol

I feel for you my friend. I agree with everyone that said forget Vegas. That's not the answer.
Also, my opinion, forget the lawyer for now. They are in business for you to seek a divorce, not find answers.
Find a good therapist to talk to and discuss all your issues. A major part of the process is to discuss and seek out good advice. There will be a light at the end of the tunnel.
I wish you all the best. Keep your head high and believe me things will get better. Seek out the therapist.

Funny thing about questions is you probably no the answer already. I know Vegas isn't a solution or even close to helping what's really going on....perhaps a fun distraction but not necessarily the right choice. A lot like divorce or walking away....you know it's right but can't or won't.

Fake your death and move to Maui or Buenes Aires

You're asking the wrong question. Instead, ask the ladies how the men they meet stay happy in bad marriages. For example, I know a married man who keeps a crash kit under the bed incase his severely depressed, prescription pill addicted wife overdoses. It's guilt and fear of losing his money that keeps him in a loveless marriage with a mentally ill spouse. His secret to happiness is the way he copes: he socializes with friends, is active in his community, plays tennis regularly and spends time with amazing providers.  

Should clarify what 10 years being the magic number is that I believe ken_la08 was referring to. If I recall, after 10 years you could, in California, in theory be on the hook for alimony for the rest of your life, her life, or until she remarries, which happens first.  

If you get to the 10 year anniversary alimony could be for life, up until 10 it is for usually half the kength of the marriage maximum

For once in my life I have someone who needs me
Someone I've needed so long
For once, unafraid, I can go where life leads me

$1000 for each 2 hour session. Throw in some greek. Mix it up a bit. Refreshing!
No need to splurge on hotel, the girls care about the benjamins but they're hot!!