........who's 'that guy'?
.......I'll tell you who that guy is, for he is one who is dreaded by women everywhere
There i will be, out and about doing everyday things, tra la la fiddle dee dee and what have you. Maybe i'm with my homegirls at a baby shower, or on a civie date, who knows? But any way you slice it, I'm nonetheless unprepared for the horror to come, when suddenly, my phone rings! Its a text, who could it be? Is it my best friend with something funny to tell me? Is it an appt? Is it my granny telling me about her 'nifty' new shoes? I open the text and its.........
a dick pic.
There you are, I think you're grinning proudly like a possum eating shit, but i really can't tell because one hand is gingerly angling the camera in persuit of maximizing the amount of johnson in the frame and the other has a death grip on a very forlorn and abused looking penis that looks as though if it were able to talk, it would scream for help, and all this followed by some ludacrously cocky (no pun intended) rhetorical question like 'You wanna come take a ride on this baby?' ......I turn bright red and shut my phone embrassed as all hell as I'm sheepishly looking around to see if anyone standing nearby witnessed the horror, and my homegirls all like "OMG girl what happened are you ok? Who was it?"
it was the dick pic guy, thats who the fuck it was. You know who u are, guilty parties out there.....i'm here to tell you, never in my life have i seen a scenario where a girl says "You know i really had my doubts about what type of guy Ricardo was until he sent me a dick pic, and now i'm reconsidering the whole thing. That shaft made me realize how much he cares" Nope. never. not once
Listen fellas, the dick pic is a total deal breaker, most women hate em. If you want our attention, if you must, send a pic of your face , smiling naturally mind you, not the retarded lookin pursed lips with one eyebrow up douchey pirate smile. And if your hideously ugly, just send a pic of your wallet bursting with cash and a tagline that says something like "Hi Mae....i think someone as beautiful as you deserves a shopping spree today!" and just watch my face light up! I can't wait to call you back!
Just please, PLEASE, don't be the dick pic guy.
thank you.
