I'm using an alias so that no one will know who I have fallen for.  Basically I have an ATF that I have seen multiple times and over the last 2-3 visits have developed a real emotional crush for.  Intellectually speaking I don't think it is fair to burden this young woman with my emotions.  But obviously on an emotional level the temptation is there to try and make a connection and get her to reciprocate.

Okay... Simply put... If you're actually as you say a 'middle aged man', you're old enough to be done with high school crushes.  Jesus, you're pathetic.  Sorry, harsh but true, and I'm betting I'm not the only one who'll say it.

That is pretty much the internal monologue that I Have.  I wouldn't say it is really that bad but I certainly take your point.  I got into this hobby to have fun without complications or emotional entanglements.  It is funny how you sometimes can't prevent yourself from feeling something however.

Try e harmony.

do not open your pocketbook to her!!!!

No, I'm not quite that far gone.

Guys come on, give the man a break, it's happened to all of us at some point.

If not, then all good things must come to an end.

Minx is right, that’s how you should handle it.

-- Modified on 1/7/2014 11:00:45 PM

having sex is way way way different from having a relationship with these chicks.

You sound sincere, but extraordinarily naive.

I think you may be worrying too much.
You may have a crush on her because of how great she is.  Most guys have a favorite, and refer to them as ATF.
Love?  Spending 1 or 2 hours at a time having sex, is no way to establish intimacy.
Maybe your small head thinks this is love.
On the other hand if you are married, why waste your time and hers by trying to establish a relationship?
I'm single, and if I were looking for love, I would be on eharmony .com.   LOL!
My advice:  keep it simple.  Enjoy your ATF and pay to say goodby. Don't create DRAMA.
Seeing the same girl is like eating at the same restaurant.  In a couple of months, you tired of it and move on...
For now enjoy the moment
Worry less
Life is short
Cc

maybe try a week or multi-day 24 hour session with your crush provider. So you can see how it turns out outside of the bedroom.

-- Modified on 1/8/2014 9:53:47 AM

Thank you to all who responded here or in PM.   Although lovesick is an accurate term for my feelings, I think my use of LoveSick as an alias may have magnified the apparent nature of my infatuation.   I am not actually in love with this person and am not contemplating divorce or asking this woman to move in with me.  I do have a pretty good sense of perspective and self-awareness about the situation.

it is foolish. aside from having fun, but you are supposed to have fun! like the scene from Moonstruck when Cher slaps Nick Cage in the face and says" snap out of it!"

-- Modified on 1/8/2014 4:01:16 PM

maybe he will start to eat Italino?

I have been in this hobby now for 15 years.  I have seen it all. I think DG was being a little hard on you. I think DG had some issues with someone he fell for about 9 years ago.  

I didn't really get butthurt by DG.   What he says has an element of truth to it.   I am not trying to create a "real" relationship with this woman, that would be impractical and as you say very stressfull.  

you chicks are the same...just have no balls to play wirh!

I had one provider that I have seen at least 10 times that told me she bails on the hobbyist if they get too close or if she senses she is doing any harm to a wife or SO. I am far from the type of hobbyist that would cling or text excessively. She loves what she does for a living but doesn't want drama. (Nor do I for that manner)

There has to be a little desire in it, attraction, or you might as well just sit there and play cards or checkers.

-- Modified on 1/9/2014 3:07:33 AM

Well, sorry if I came across a little harsh, but I was just trying to get you to take off the rose colored glasses.   Try not to confuse the fantasy with the reality.  Give yourself a chance to step back, and once the passion of the moment has worn off, some amount of perspective may come to you, I hope.

OK, so I came in late on this.  Only been at this for a few years, and only got in it because of a loss situation.  I 'like' most all of the ladies I've seen and try to be as natural and friendly as this type of situation allows.  I'm also later middle-aged, and I was worried that I'd fall for one of the way-too-young ladies I've seen, but not even close because there's just too much of an age gap, little in common, the obvious reasons.  I saw one very young lady for FBSM a number of times until she actually approached me with a confession that she had feelings for me.  She didn't seem like the scheming type, and I thought, correctly, that this was just misguided.  She knew a little about me, and had made some seeming jokes that I was the type of guy she would date (I was assuming she meant that IF I were 30 years younger).  I left thinking it best that I never call her again, but I did, and spent most of the next session talking this out.  She realized that what she really needed was to get out of the biz, which she did.  Saw her in Costco a few months later with a knockout handsome boyfriend, about her age.  I'd like to think he's the real deal.  I ducked down the detergent isle so we didn't make eye contact.  Just wanted to share a weird-but-true story that I'm sure will never happen again.  But, probably the moral is that we're in this for fun and it's not a setting that's likely to result in healthy intimate emotional give and take.  So, best just to keep it fun, be nice to each other and keep a bit of distance while still being friendly and human.  We all deserve it.

-- Modified on 1/11/2014 5:52:30 PM