A friend of mine recently busted his wife cheating on him. He seemed ‘disillusioned’, as he believed that mainly men seeking extramarital erotic encounters. He claimed to be depressed about this, while he visits working ladies frequently. He even mentioned to file for divorce. Of course, his wife does not know about his ‘hobby’. I asked him whether he ever knew how manipulating or deceitful women can be. Was this the end of romanticism for him? Was this the end of his idea of a ‘perfect marriage’? I said I believe that women and men are equal in their needs, emotions, thoughts and curiosities, to a great degree. Therefore they might be equally secretive at times. ‘Omitting’ prevents us from losing our partner, because we fear our partner’s jealousy, the most destructive emotion within a relationship. Nobody ‘omits’ tings or possibly deceives his/her partner with bad intentions, as we usually try to protect our partner.
Besides, I cannot count how many married women I met over the years, who actively sought casual erotic encounters outside their marriage. As we know there are many websites out there, which specialize in dates amongst married men and women. However, I believe to have seen more hesitance in married women than in men to actually enter a sexual contact. This means that they often search and meet up, but back out finally. Often the curiosity is satisfied then. It is about experiencing the sexual interest of another man, experiencing compliments or the confirmation as a woman, often for the first time after many years.  
And this is what men are seeking primarily in extramarital encounters a well, the FULL and SPECIAL attention, the confirmation of (still) being  sexually attractive and of (still) being a great lover. Of course, there also is the need for touch and intimacy.
The difference between women and men is HOW emotions, fears, needs and thoughts are expressed, coped with or suppressed, I believe. Is this not about the never ending conflict with ‘eternal’ monogamy

negotiable. )  BUT if one spouse violates those terms, they are in breech of their contract.  So prior to the breech a spouse should try to re-negotiate those terms.  Anyone, doesn't matter what gender, who is spending marital assets w/o the consent of the other is again violating the contract.  (aka being a Hobbyist w/o spousal knowledge).   So...  what is the cost?  Ask yourself that.  Is is it measured in $$$$?  Is it measured in having children's lives turned upside down?  Is it measured by the War of the Roses that ensues?   IDK  Me, not married, no girlfriend, nada.  I'm what's referred to as single and available but "Who would want that guy?  If he doesn't have a wife or girlfriend then there MUST be something wrong with him."  Let me know what that(something) is and I'll see what I can do to change it.

Jonathan

I don't mean the recession.  I mean the fact that increasingly over the last 60 or so years women have become more a part of the work force.  That means a few things.  First they just have the opportunity to meet a lot more people.  I imagine that whatever impulses women may always have had were a lot easier to control when they were chained to the stove. With the physical freedom they now have women will meet as many new and attractive potential partners as their male counterparts.  

Women also have a great deal more financial independence now than they ever did. When your entire life and livelihood depended on a patriarch I imagine there was a very powerful incentive to not piss him off.  Obviously that way of life is a lot less common in the 21st century.   As a result the economic penalty for cheating may be less of a disincentive today.  

I can imagine also that this financial liberty may easily translate to a feeling of empowerment that includes a sense of "hey why not get a little something extra for myself".  After all men have used the justification of treating themselves to a little something extra for eons. And if the male half of the couple earns the same or less as the distaff side I suspect some very interesting power dynamics come into play.  

 
Recent studies suggest women are cheating at rates never seen before and at least within striking distance of men. I don't think my suppositions above would explain it all and that was not my intent.  But I think it's a pretty significant factor. Combined with your thoughts about similar emotional and physical needs amongst men and women and the increased attention to physical fitness and well being (not to mention substantial literature and other media dedicated  to self gratification) I hardly expect this apparent trend to turn around.  Sauce for the goose.

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Your friend is depressed for catching his wife cheating. Was he depressed too when he cheated on her???

As women have became more self sufficient and less reliant on males, we have naturally begun to let go of alot of the social and sexual mores and taboos that have been drilled into us since the beginning of time. The change was inevitable as society evolves and becomes more balanced and equal

a society that is more balanced and equal?

... as he sounds clueless.

END OF MESSAGE

Yes, marriage is a 'contract' somewhat, somehow. But I do NOT think it is a contract like any other, 'legal' contract, because re-negotiation involves emotions and centers around a 'complicated' relation ship between two persons, (because any long term relation ship is complicated in a sense that it needs to be constantly 'updated', re-negotiated and actualized). It certainly is a commitment to each other, and extramarital encounters most of the time do NOT change the love relation neither the INNER, emotional commitment to the partner neither do they change the commitment to support the partner on all levels possible. Going into the 'open' most of the time inserts an unnecessary destructiveness into relationship, oftentimes not in proportion, because people remain committed and often are still very good partners within their relation ship. So, I guess it remains a matter full of different aspects and contradictions?

Maybe I'm being overly generous but I would assume that this statement was made tongue in cheek and not seriously.   The internet demands an irony or sarcmark punctuation symbol.

Without said irony or sarcmark punctuation symbol, it was a fail. And if it was intended as a serious statement, then it was an epic fail.
 

It would be exciting for me to find out she was having an encounter. Because there would be hope for our sex life. I would then definitely ask if she would be interested in a 3 some . MFM or FMF Let the fun begin! Divorce is always a bad option. Never get married! Everyone looses in divorc

I'm not sure how reliable or scientific this information is, coming from Ashley Madison;  but I think it confirms some of the statements I've heard before about the differences between men and women in adultery: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/06/02/infidelity-study_n_5420664.html?utm_hp_ref=divorce&ir=Divorce. As usual, men are more physically oriented, while women focus more on relationships.

EOM