Department of the Treasury
Internal Revenue Service
Washington, D.C.

To: All Male Taxpayers

RE: Notice of increase of tax payment
Form 1040 - P

The only thing that the IRS has not taxed yet is your pen's. This is due to the fact that 40% of the time it is hanging around unemployed, 30% of the time it is pissed off, 20% of the time it is hard up, and 10% of the time it is in the hole. On top of this, it has two dependents and both are nuts.

Accordingly, as of April 1, 1998, your pen's will be taxed according to size. To determine your category, please consult the chart below and confirm this information on page 2, section 7, line 3, on the Standard Form 1040.

       10-16 inches Luxury Tax $50.00

       8-10 inches Pole Tax $30.00

       5-8 inches Privilege Tax $15.00

       4-5 inches Nuisance Tax $5.00

Please note: Anyone under 4 inches is eligible for a refund. Please do not ask for an extension!

Additionally, males exceeding 12 inches must file under Capital Gains.

Sincerely,

Peter Checker
Internal Revenue Service