I love when guys write in reviews that they start out the session chatting with the provider; getting to know each other. How can you possibly get to know each other when everything the provider tells you is bullshit. She’s not going to share anything out of her real life; to me it’s really just a masquerade. That’s why I always go straight for the fun part.
...but some of the rest of us enjoy the "get to know you" part of the session. It's kind of like meeting someone on a blind date. It adds alot to the session.
If you don't like it and are super cynical about its legitimacy then don't do it. You're not here to judge or question anyone else's motivation. Enjoy your sessions on your terms and we'll all do the same.
At the level of pessimism and resentment towards providers. Heaven forfend some of us consider providers to be fellow humans with whom we might share a few moments of genuine connection. I realize some may choose to live their lives like Jonathan from Carnal Knowledge (yeah, I’m dating myself), but I’m with you—I like what a little getting-to-know-you adds to a session.
…just by asking a question when I saw a poster in her apt. We got to chatting about the subject matter depicted and became friends outside the provider/client relationship. Anyway, how could it hurt?
Not to mention you might learn something. About her. About you. About sex and sex techinques. About how to please a woman (years ago a provider taught me the tricks that can make a woman squirt). About the city you're in if you're not at home. About business. It's endless what one can learn from talking and LISTENING to a stranger. I try to learn something from every provider I meet. I also avoid politics and religion.
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I remember seeing a provider a couple of years ago. At the time my business partners and I were in the process of launching a triathlon clothing company (trust me I knew nothing about triathlons!!!). I saw a triathlon kit/uniform hanging at her incall, asked her some questions to find out that she was a triathlon enthusiast. Before, during and after the session we talked about triathlon kits and I learned a shitload about what worked for her in terms of fit and functionality of triathlon clothing, which I shared with our designers and professional triathlete consultants and ultimately we incorporated some of her ideas in our products.
That this is bullshit—For You!
There’s absolutely no reason a sex worker can’t have an honest discussion with a client. I don’t expect a woman I just met to share with me what she would with a therapist. But we can certainly talk about travel, what she does outside the hobby, what makes her happy, and so on. I don’t have deep and penetrating discussions with everyone I meet at my friend’s holiday party, but I can get a little insight into what their lives are like and make at least a modest connection.
One of the absolute joys of this diversion is that I get to fuck beautiful, sexy, 3-dimensional women. A few minutes of conversation can be quite revealing and can lead to genuine, if not permanent, engagement with another human being. I find it makes the sex better—less like fucking a blow-up doll. And it makes the memory longer-lasting, less like “Did I fuck number 279 or number 280 last night?”.
I’ve been in phases of my player career where it was all about the numbers. Nothing wrong with that if it floats your boat. But now I prefer to take a little more time and to repeat more with ladies I like. What I find harder to understand is the cynicism, derision and bitterness bordering on nihilism. Live and let live, fuck and let fuck.
Chemistry and I enjoy the interaction!
IMO, you get back what you give/bring to the session!
Only takes 5-10 minutes. There is no better ice-breaker at the start of a session with a new girl than a playful co-ed shower. Even if I had just showered in the apartment next door, I would still want to start the session with a shower with her joining me. There is something about slippery soap and water that just makes for a fun introduction.
How can you have an honest conversation with a provider when they say on their websites that they have careers outside of the hobby yet they won’t discuss it. Nor will they discuss their childhoods. Basically the conversations are small talk or what’s in the news. There’s no real exchange of personal information. So you’re not really getting to know the woman on any meaningful level.
Try harder.
Again, I don't expect ANYONE I just met to share the most intimate details of their lives. But even chit-chat can be enlightening if you learn something about the other person's likes, what makes them happy, some life experiences they've had (including some amountof familylife), etc.
No--I don't expect "details" of a lady's worklife outside of P4P in our first meeting. Why would I?
I have honest conversations with strangers I've never met before on a new daily basis and don't talk about their private lives or family. I think you have a really narrow definition of what it means to get to know someone. Just because some provider tells me what their day/real life job might be or something about their family I may still know little to nothing about the persons character or personality. However, I can also have a conversation with one and never broach the question of what "real" job they might have or what their family situations might be but still get an honest insight to their personality and character. I would call that meaningful.
I have no reason to lie. I love getting to know my friends! We may have lots in common & that makes us compatible, plus the intimacy is always better. I have quality connections. Maybe because I am a mature woman of leisure, and have no need to be fake.
But will you share details about your civilian life or personal history?
Yes.
opening up about their personal lives is relative to the level of familiarity you are at, so not so much the first few sessions, but after you become a regular customer over a period of time, they can be quite forthcoming about their personal lives and details.
What some hobbyists don’t seem to realize is that some time spent chatting is the key to enhanced pleasure, and it is the polite and inherently human thing to do.
I guess some guys are looking forward to one of those Japanese sex dolls…..
Thanks for this ..
I just realized you're the one who recently questioned why a guy would bother to shower before a session, so maybe you're just trolling or maybe you're just a minimalist who just wants a fleshlight with more parts, but let me try to put it this way:
I spent many years traveling for a living This meant being on the road 3-5 nights a week, sitting in airports, taking flights, driving hundreds of miles in a day and crashing in a different hotel every night. Whether I was in the First Class lounge at Chicago O'Hare, unwinding at a Marriott hotel bar in Harrisburg or making a 2am stop at a rural Virginia Waffle House, I always took the time to chat with the workers and others sitting around me. Was I looking for lifelong friends? Did I expect to make some deep connection? No, but is sure beat sitting there thinking about being far from home or the next day's work.
When I move to a new area the first friends I make are usually local shop owners and bartenders. Of course you can say they're just schmoozing me for tips & business, but I'm happy to say that some of my best friends today are people I met as workers at my local hangouts. Even if the relationship never develops beyond business, I can think of many drinking, dining and shopping experiences that were made into happy memories just because of a few minutes of interaction.
It's called "human connection" and is often the reason why so many on both sides enjoy this hobby. If that holds no value to you and you find such talk tiresome, maybe a site focused on street walkers and quickie massage joints would be more to your liking.
"human connection" and is often the reason why so many on both sides enjoy this hobby.
There is no real human connection because most of the time any biographical information or work related stories that providers tell us is fabricated because they want to keep their civilian lives private. So they fabricate. I worked for a big agency in New York in the 90s and we always told them to make up stories to keep their lives private. Have you ever gotten a provider’s real name? Has she ever told you where she really works for what she does for a living other than providing? No. It creates the illusion of a human connection just like Facebook creates the illusion of having friends. Friends of the people who you correspondence via website. They are people with whom you share genuine experiences. Conversations with providers really doesn’t amount to anything more than small talk about current events or movies or television. They never share anything about their personal or emotional lives with clients. Good luck getting a real name out of them.
most times on the second or third time I've seen them. Obviously you have never flown anywhere with a provider. When you're buying airplane tickets, you have to know the provider's real name.
Has a provider ever told me where she really works? Yes, many times. I've visited providers at their jobs. I even became friends with the president of one provider's company and we'd go on double dates with him to dinner, movies and sports events. He knew that she was a provider too.
You really shouldn't see providers because you look at them as hunks of meat, good only for fucking. You should invest in the woman shown below...you wouldn't have to listen to her talk at all:
I'm reminded of a trip I took to Italy years ago. While standing in line at a museum, I was drawn into conversation with an American father who was near the end of a 10-day trip with his daughter. She had just earned a fine arts degree back home and her "dream trip" was her graduation present.
I asked him how he enjoyed Italy and he said "Honestly, I'm not really into old stuff so I wasn't too impressed." When I said "Ok, but the food alone was worth the trip, right?" He responded "Meh, don't you get tired of pizza and spaghetti every night?"
The conversation ended at that point. There was no reason for me to make my case for Italian culture or cuisine. Doing so would've been like trying to push a copy of "War & Peace" through a HEPA filter.
Human relations are a lot like travel - you only come home with the things you brought and the things for which you made room in your bag.
Who knows, maybe you would have played "hide the cannoli" with her. Then it really would have been a dream trip for her.
I love all the responses, and agree with them all. Providers are real people and deserve your respect and consideration. Beyond the basic decency of trying to make a connection when you interact with another human being (no matter how shallow or brief that interaction may be) it can be particularly valuable to do so during a provider session. A little of emotional intimacy can only enhance your physical intimacy (and vice versa).
It’s possible your presumption of falsehoods, and shallowness says more about what you bring to the interaction than the provider….
I don't mind the small talk and interaction before the bedroom part of the session. What I don't like is if the provider flips due to a bad day and proceeds to give an awful session even during the small talk. Like starting ranting about their ex's , taking pot in front of me, badly dressed or rather not dressed for the session. On starting to kiss and such saying I'm doing it wrong while on the couch, then being a bitch in the small talk to me, wanting to snap at me in everything I saw is somehow wrong or I'm wrong as a person. Like wtheck getting away with this when I'm trapped by the donation and also our past nicer history of visits??? Then during the session quitting every 5 min, and saying I'm being "abusive" when obviously she doesn't want to bother giving me services, not bothering to please me, like the five or so times before when she was a regular fine lady and escort to me during the session. Ironically saying she's a pleaser, when she's obviously ranting and denying pleasing me. What a crap session from supposedly a 9/10, 10/9 average rated top 25 provider. I'm sometimes the target of these "bullshit" bad days, even from a highly rated provider for several years and hundreds of clients, yet I'm targeted for one of the worst sessions I ever experienced, and a ripoff of my time and donation, and the time I spent driving to get there.
so the 'moral' of my post above related to the topic of this thread is , it's not going to always be great or good when a provider reveals or relays their 'real life' during a session whether small talk or at other points during the session. One may find out the 'atf' provider actually disdains said client and would never meet up with in rl, or think of the client as a joke and 'lvm'(low value male) if in rl consideration of dating prospects. My example where she kept going on about her ex-, ex-hubby , then mentioning she had 'celeb' clients While having her drinks and pot too and not bothering to dress up, while hounding or snapping at me in whatever I said after a point in the session, then refusing the services, pushing me away or getting up and waiting for me to leave while she said she had another client coming, yelling at me shrieking at one point. It's an ongoing trope about this 'business', where plenty of guys think they would get along well with their favored providers in real life. And certainly plenty do. But plenty of clients also would be disdained and dissed by providers as lvm and updateable in their opinion or even loathed if you really know what they think of you as a client eventually.