I Hate F@cking Christmas! F*ck It! Lets Enjoy a Beer, a Saucy Blonde, and Some Holiday Debauchery

I hate christmas.

Hate it.

I just wanna punch carrollers in the face and laugh about it. Then run away get some coacoa, perhaps.
With marshmallows....

I wanna burn your christmas tree with all your retarded looking homemade ornaments still on it.

I wanna sit on santas lap and lecture his fat ass about his cholesterol for an hour. Then tell all 8 reindeer where to get off. Except for Blitzen. He's cool i guess.

I wanna go to polite christmas dinner parties and say inappropriate things in an obnoxiously loud manner across the table like,'Well, Bob, hate to break it to ya, but thats not eggnog! Mwa ha ha!'

I wanna corrupt elves that 'make toys' all day and just so happen to be at the perfect height already.


But most of all this season, i want you.

Yes, you.

I see you lookin all vulnerable over there, stressed out from relatives you'd rather not be associated with in public and your shitty xmas bonus that got 'lost in the mail' again ths year. Mae sees you, fella, and its gonna be alright. C'mere..... there there.

I got just what u need to get through it, other than a shotgun and a scotch on the rocks. So give me a call.

949 278 1303

Independant, reputable, extremely low volume, and of course, beautiful. I look just like my pics, And just between you and me, I'm actually pretty well behaved and lovable. Don't tell anyone though, k?


45min = 230
1hr = 295
90min = 395
2hr = 540
3hr = 650
overn = 1000

Text me now and prebook when possible... don't miss out!


And remember this holiday, fellas, that Mae loves you.
Everyone else thinks you're an asshole  

Feliz Navidad

PS .....please tell you're loved ones I said 'Santa's not real.' Thank you