I'll offer the first; you cowards!

Streamlined, Readers Digest condensed versions of our original visit(s).

 Working smart rather than hard is one thing. But when the clock in my car tells me upon my return that I've been gone for all of forty minutes, and I paid for sixty?

When I drop the towel and she stares in disbelief...

At least lie that it's the biggest thing you've seen today.  Don't look for a can of Vienna sausages to do a comparison.  Act scared, astonished, and horrified!  Ok, just act like I'm a rockstar who can play the drums with both hands tied behind my back.

Good thing I have a very anonymous alias and a roll of pennies!