I don’t know who started the first strip club, but in ancient times they would send in naked girls to dance for the enemy, the night before the battle, with the hope of slitting the enemie’s throats as they toyed with the erotic showgirls. Distraction was the aim; lose lips sink ships and a little sexual excitement was a tricky way to get the best of a soldier with loose drawers. Somehow that ancient rouse has found it survival mode in the preponderance of strip clubs across the nation and it is just as tricky-dickey as ever.

   What is the dealeo with strip clubs? They rarely deliver sexual satisfaction unless you are a voyeur. Instead of great sex, we read of nightly variants of assaults where strippers nail customers with six inch high heals, smash patron’s mugs with beer mugs and abscond with rube’s wallets. Strip clubs have a bit of the hoopla and con of the sideshow where the dogface girl bares no resemblance to the illustrations on her booth poster and the hermaphrodite turns out to be a bearded guy hiding his cock between his legs. You go to these place expecting to be titillated and find some sexual release and by the time you are ready to leave, after getting loaded, if you can remember why you visited the club in the first place, you end up jerking off in the parking lot, or mugged while waiting for Big Bertha to perform her famous blow job.

    Assaults by customers, loan sharks, bouncers to enforce the “don’t touch rule;” tales of bookies who break your legs if you don’t pay off but disappear if you win, are legendary. The places I’ve visited look like something out of the Arabian Nights with a cast of heavies that would pass as terrorists if profiling was in effect. Unless you are lucky enough to have a strip club that functions as a brothel, it is going to be “look don’t touch.” When you flick the fish lure into the trout stream, the idea is for the fish to bite. What sick fuck wrote the rules for strip clubs?

   Of course, some guys think they are getting a psychological consult when Mamie and her triple D’s comes over to your table and knocks knees with you. You tell her all your complaints about your wives and girlfriends and she nods her head as you cry into her skirt and in the end you feel better and she get nice tip for her time and a table full or tea masking as whisky for ten bucks a shot. Still cheaper than a shrink until she tells you she needs her Mustang shod and like a fool you come up for a grand and then find out she drives a Chevy.

  Now I know there are some fab places for strippers, there was that club in NY that was held in high regard until the police busted them for tax fraud and since then they have regrouped under new management and even have a Vegas bar going for them. Atlanta is noted for high end clubs where you can eat well, get back room lap dances that will wet you crotch, and hear the latest hip-hop and rap before it even hits the mainstream, all the while hobnobbing with the local football heroes. In some small towns, the local “tittie bar” is about the only place you can go for a touch of the big time if you have to impress your guests. But most of the clubs are a bitter disappointment. If you don’t want to be disappointed, and you like “looky-looky,” maybe you want to head to Tijuana and check out the Donkey who demonstrates with his mistress, the unique qualities of a fifteen-inch penis.

   Call me old fashioned, but I think the best place to look at a pretty woman is in a bedroom before and after making love. I would much rather spend an hour with a pretty escort who knows how to make a man happy, then get sloshed in a stripper bar.  My wallet might be a bit lighter with the escort, but my balls will certainly weigh less after her input. About the only things lighter in a stripper club is your bladder and an empty wallet! Sure, to each his own, and if you have had great times in strip clubs then please educate me, maybe I have been cuming in the wrong places!

and this forced the girls to constantly hustle your ass to make some money.  The last club I went to was 10 years ago for a buddy's going away party, so I'm not really an expert.  But I do remember what they used to be like and I know why I quit going.

In the 70's or 80's you could go to a club after work, have a couple beers, watch a few girls and be on your way.  No one got in your face for tips after every damn dance, or tried to drag your ass into some bullshit VIP room so you can drop huge money on a cheap bottle of champagne, and even bigger money on a not so cheap lap dance.  

Once the club owners realized they could squeeze more money out of the girls, and in so doing, turned them into constant hustlers, I lost interest in going to clubs.  Apparently, making obscene amounts of money on alcohol wasn't enough for the owners.  But believe me, it was actually much better when hot girls just danced for you and then left you alone to enjoy your drinks with your buddies.  To me, there's nothing more pathetic than some girl sitting at your table and pretending to give a shit.

Plus, back then, they'd at least pull aside their G-string for you before their last dance was over.  Unless things have changed drastically in So. Cal (I lived in OC), the only thing you can see now is your wallet getting thinner.

TER gets you what you really want anyway, so leave the strip clubs are for the wannabe players.

It sounds like you, Mr. Beagle, have been trying the strip club equivalent of clicking on the hottest fake pics on Backpage's sidebar and feeling perplexed at what possible appeal there could be in bait & switch non-GFE service. As with choosing an escort, you need to do some homework. Most strip clubs suck. New York and Atlanta clubs are the worst. So bad they almost make the joints in Las Vegas look good. Any places with a lot of tuxedoed gorillas taking up space are strictly for clueless tourists and suckers with too much disposable cash for their own good. As a rule, I avoid clubs with precious metals in the name or with much fake of same in the decor. And it goes without saying that chain strip clubs are a very bad idea. There are exceptions, but not many.

I never went before stage fees, but it doesn't sound like I missed much, and I never go with "buddies". (Isn't that what Hooters is for?) The worst effect of stage fees I've seen is the trend for even better clubs to lower their standards and let anyone without a Y chromosome who pays the fee to take the stage. For me, that defeats the idea of a strip club as a place that puts a bunch of hot girls all in one room for you to choose from, so you don't have to seek them out one-at-a-time. And I don't see how a stripper pretending to like you is any more pathetic than a prostitute pretending to enjoy having sex with you. It all depends on how good an actress she is.

So all I look for is a place that hires mostly hot girls, then cuts them enough slack to allow us to, um, interact spontaneously. I don't go to strip clubs to score, although some guys do and seem to enjoy the success they have. I go to have superficial fun with my choice of a roomful of half-naked girls, all acting like they'd like nothing better than to rub their luscious young bodies all over mine. Once in a blue moon I even score, but of course that's not the point. If that sounds like hell to you, then I don't know what to tell you.

(Not a lawyer)

I think we are actually in agreement, strip clubs are for ogling the girls, with an occasional rub-a-dub and that is fine if that is what you enjoy. Let's look at what you said, let me quote you,

"Most strip clubs suck, avoid clubs with precious metals in the name or with much fake ... decor.  even better clubs... lower their standards. a stripper pretending to like you is any more pathetic than a prostitute pretending to enjoy... I don't go to strip clubs to score, although some guys do... half-naked girls.... Once in a blue moon I even score"

So we are in agreement with most of your observations, some of us love to fuck and others love to look. You must be pretty cool also if you score! I guess it depends of what a man enjoys. And you are entitled to what ever you enjoy.  
ps. If you have some favorite clubs pass them on...



-- Modified on 3/31/2011 5:51:25 PM

In the erotic scheme of things, I think strip clubs do have their place, like when I just want to relax and be a looky lou.  

I have been known to run off to the local club here in the valley after a stressful day of work.  This place features gorgeous nude ladies who know what erotic dancing is all about and what to do with a 30 ft pole.  I get cozy in a favorite spot away from the tipping rail, feet propped up, with a non alcoholic drink, and bleed off the stress of the work day while watching a beautiful naked lady seductively prance in front of me and remind me that I am human again.  

I doubt I could hang out at a dive club, and I have seen my share of them in my time.  I would also not setup a date with a dive escort, same reasoning.

I totally agree that strip clubs are not the place to go if you're looking for other more hands on activity.  If that's your mood,  you would check out the escort ratings here for that, of course.  My motto is never hire an electrician when you really need a plumber, always select the right professional for the job.

As a diversion for me, the clubs have their place in my erotic puzzle.

Thanks, but if I were cool I'd score more than I do (without trying, of course). Good thing I'm a journey-and-not-the-destination type of fellow.

Whet cities or regions would you be interested in? The places I know best are Michigan and parts of the Midwest and the South, but I've been around some.

If you're from that area, you may still have better clubs.

Those were the clubs I was talking about- you could go have a cheeseburger and beer with a couple guys from the office and only pay a few bucks more than you'd spend somewhere else.  Nobody would be shaking you down for "tips" back then.

It was possible to stretch your lunch hour a little bit and get a nice view of some first-rate pussy (either American or Canadian) before going back to your existence as a corporate drone.  When you got back, the only way anybody could tell what you were up to was the smile on your face.

Nowadays, that same lunch would cost so much money it's not worth it (at least where I live).  Plus, going on a one-hour trip to Canada might arouse some suspicion from Homeland Security.

The readers here are from all over the country. How about a top 10 or at least 5? I don't usually patronize these places but it sounds like you've been to some good ones.

in the mid-90s, although I lived outstate. By that time, Windsor clubs were in steep decline, after the city had banned lap dancing. The Million Dollar Saloon and Jason's were still getting by, but coasting on their past reputations. Then, post-9/11 crossing issues and the weak dollar took them down another notch. Windsor must have been something else in the earlier decades, cause it's amazing how long the belief persisted that it was the place to go when in Detroit.

Meanwhile, Detroit-side clubs were some of the best anywhere. The ones around the airport became destination stops for both strippers and high rollers. Although they've taken a hell of a hit in the last few years for obvious reasons, it's still quite a playground, a lot sleazier now than in the heyday of expense account outings.

Some Detroit clubs serve excellent food, or so I'm told, however I don't think you'd find the prices very reasonable anymore. Not if drink prices are any indication. And I take it back in your day they didn't yet have shot girls peddling test tubes of colored goo, or you would have mentioned them before the tip shakedown. LOL

I wonder if you're talking about strippers making the rounds asking for dollar tips, or asking if you wanna buy a lap dance? Because you don't see much of the former in most Detroit clubs, but the latter is a fixture just about everywhere. I'm not sure which came first, but my guess is that the advent of lap dancing is what made the stage fee/independent contractor setup possible. While I'm often less than delighted with the looks of some of the girls who pass the stage fee threshold, their need to circulate and hustle dances is what sets the fun in motion for me.......and, apparently, kills the fun for you.