And I say that after having had the experience of dating two escorts on a long-term, personal basis.  One was for six years and the other was for two.

We had our good times, but in the end, what Legal_Beagle says is true- it's only a matter of time.

The key is what LB says in the 3rd paragraph- "When you pay a gal/guy for sex, you have formed a precedent..."  You can't understate the importance of that comment.  That precedent becomes the unspoken, 800 pound gorilla that's always in the room for as long as you date.  It may remain in the background for a while, but it will always rear its ugly head eventually.

LB knows of what he speaks and I'll say it again, this should be mandatory reading before you can play on TER.

The basis of our relationships with escorts is always one of money.Playing with escorts is an expensive game and it lasts for a finite time. Do not expect that you are buying a long term relationship. What you are paying for is good service for that hour. Sure, some of us have long term relationships that are loving and pleasurable but they are almost always based on the money flowing from us to the escort.

The problem is that often you/we think that a gal who is fuckable is also lovable. Some times it is hard to separate love from sex but there is a difference when the love comes after you have stuffed her pocketbook. Believe me, it is easy to fall in love with a gal who is a good fuck. I remember telling a really great girl, in the heat of passion as i came, that I loved her. Her response was, "That is what everybody says." ...and we do!

When you pay a gal/guy for sex, you have formed a precedent, i.e. that with sex comes money. It is very difficult to turn a pay for sex relationship into a loving relationship that is not based on your forking over cash. I know that many marriages seem like a pay for sex relationship but most are not. In fact the problem with most marriages is the lack of sex, however this does not mean that the primary relationship is not there.

In most cases when we try to get/find a personal loving relationship with an escort, it does not work that way, that is why is is called sex/love for pay. Romance is best found outside the halls of where we bed our ladies of the night or afternoon. We may delude ourselves thinking these relationships are not monetary but they almost always are. They may love you and your money but not you alone. If you want to sit at the poker table you have to be able to buy chips... And if you are bothered by the thought that your true love is fucking other guys, remember that fidelity is something you are never going to find with an escort, it is just that sex for money just comes too easy for them and they rarely will give it up for a "normal" loving relationship, especially if there is room in their pocketbook for some extra cash and some guy is willing to fill her vagina and pocketbook in the same hour. So long story short, try to keep your dick in but your heart out and remember to keep your wallet open....that is why it is called sex for pay.

The only way to tell if there is anything "real" about the relationship is to take the money out of the equation, you'll find out very quickly where you stand. lol

My luck with dating providers is really no better or worse than my track record with women of any other occupation. There are unique challenges that come with dating a provider, but so are there when dating anyone.

The biggest problem I see is guys imagining love where it doesn't exist, pushing an escort into a relationship is the biggest mistake a guy can make, and he is likely to pay both financially and emotionally a very high price.

I know that this is the Legal Corner Board, and this may be more germane to the Erotic Highway Board (But does anyone ever visit that board these days?), but I wonder about that statement.

We live in a material world, and money is just a convenient way of diviing up that material.

What I love about the hobby is that the money makes sexual relationships much more simple than either dating, SO, and especially marriage.

Anyone who thinks that marrage relationships are not based on money hasn't been in divorce court, that's for sure.

Love involves a concerted effort to do the right thing all around with another person.  Money, somehow, is going to get into that equation in a big way.

At least on this world.

Your other two points are right on.

but on very rare occasions. I have had a couple of LTR's with providers where money had nothing to do with our relationship. Keep in mind this is two relationships out of many, and obviously neither of them worked out either. lol

I am currently involved with an ex provider, thirty years my junior, we have gotten to the point where we call each other BF/GF, but I am under no illusion that money is not a huge part of the equation. It is what it is, and you have to keep your eyes wide open. That's where most guys get into trouble, they refuse to be honest with themselves and that is their first and biggest mistake.

Of course, it's true that all women use sex as a means to an end.  After all sex is the fundamental source of female power, just like money is the source of male power.  It just takes different forms depending on the type of relationship and whether she's a wife, GF, casual acquaintance, escort etc..  

In my experience, the problem with dating escorts is that when sex becomes equated directly with earning money (and not just getting what they want out of the relationship), then having a non-paying dating relationship can result in a slowly building resentment because the woman sees herself as giving something away that she should get paid for.  Of course, all women 'give it away" to some extent to get what they want in the relationship, but not all women also get paid on top of that.  

Getting paid for sex is the female equivalent of having your cake and eating it too.  It allows escorts to basically double the power sex gives them, compared to other women.  And it basically makes OK, everything that might otherwise be a problem.  I've had several escort tell me this in addition to the ones I dated.

When escorts give this up in a dating relationship, it's easy for them to feel that they're making the bigger sacrifice.  And usually, it's only a matter of time until that results in a resentment that bubbles to the surface.

In both of my dating relationships with escorts, I was shocked to hear the things that were said as the relationship was ending.  Even after SIX years in the one case, she carried on about how she should have never dated a client, how she should have known better, how clients are always a problem, how she should have had her head examined, and all our problems started when she stopped making me pay etc.  These are almost quotes.

Now, of course the worst always comes out in these situations, but the fact that these were the things she felt caused problems in our relationship, not the normal sort of dating things, was very telling to me.  Even after six years, she still viewed me in the context of me being a client, and more importantly, by not charging me for sex, she felt she'd been victimized!  There were a lot of other things we could have argued about as a couple, but none of them were ever discussed- just the fact that I used to be a client, with the very clear message that she was both generous and stupid to have ever fucked me for free.  Yeah, she was a real Mother Theresa!

So that's why I think Leagle_Beagle's main point is right on.  If you learn to associate sex with income, then a relationship is the equivalent of working for free, and you will eventually become resentful toward your BF or husband.  Since escorts give sex for money, rather than love, the normal underpinnings of that support a relationship don't exist, and usually never can.

I'm sure there could be exceptions, perhaps more likely after a lady retires, but I think the two women I dated were very typical of escorts in general based on others I've known since then.

Money, social stature, power, lifestyle - its important not just to providers, but to guys and gals everywhere - I suspect most of us at least considered the advantages, money or otherwise, of the marital relationships we've been in (thoseof us married that is) - and my sig other once found evidence of my recreation - but chose to forgive it - I'm sure at least in part because of the significant loss of wealth, income, power and social stature that would have come with leaving me.

I wanted a long term commitment and hoped to always be with the woman from the 6 year relationship.  I would have asked her to marry me, and had talked about it, but she said didn't want to get married again.

I asked her if she'd move in with me instead, since I had a large house.  She considered it, but since she was still working, wanted to keep an apartment of her own anyway.

The fact is, she controlled the relationship to HER comfort level, and since she was emotionally stunted (by her own admission) she simply couldn't make that the sort of commitment to another person. I hung in there for 6 years hoping she'd get over her fear of commitment, but she didn't.

So before you go telling me that I had no intention of making it a LTR, you need some facts, not just your assumptions.  The fact is, I obviously loved her more than she loved me, and I was willing to make a commitment she wasn't willing to make.  So don't use me as an example to prove whatever it is you're trying to prove.  If anybody was used, it was me.

Oh, and it wasn't just a matter of being used emotionally.  We were collaborating on a book project, and I spent months researching and writing the proposal.  After she concocted this bogus breakup with me, she took my proposal and sold it as her own!  I had no idea what had happened until one day, a couple years later, I was walking through Barnes and Noble and saw the book sitting on the table!

So I think I'm on pretty solid ground when I say she was always going to get paid, one way or another, no matter what you call our relationship.

than I.  
However, providers are female people too.  It would be wrong to think that they do not desire LOVE...  on some level & at some time in their lives.  Can a provider LOVE a former client?  I don't think we dare paint with a broad brush because there are always exceptions.  The road to convert a provider / client relationship to BF/GF is a veritable minefield...  in general, it is unlikely to work out.  If you think you are the exception...  proceed with great caution...  keep close guard of your hear & your wallet.  But it may indeed come to pass...  there are many former providers who worked their way through school, graduated with no student loans...  go on to successful civie carreers or even become the best skilled wives in town.  
H

I was well employed going in, owned a small home & was living within my means & had accumulated some savings.  She had an factory job, owned a larger home from her divorce, with high costs.  
We went too fast & I ignored the warning signs.  I had never learned to separate sex from emotion.  She later told her daughter, that she had never loved me...  that I was a solution to her financial troubles.  There was once a month sex just to keep me from walking out.  (I found out later she was cheating the whole time with her former lover.)  
The business was sold & new owners brought in their own people & I was out of my well compensated job.  When the money ran out, she stopped pretending...  acted out until I left.  

Seriously it was all about money...  at least on her side.  I would have far better off to have hobbied to fill my needs.  I would have gotten more sex & had money left...  and not had my heart broken.

First things first ... I have seen two ... count em TWO providers ... on about a once every 4-5 months basis for about three years ... not exactly a welath of experience, I grant you.

One is pretty standard p4p; the other is different.  Had long online and phone exchanges long before we ever met (live on opposite coasts).  How'd that happen?  She was in a legal bind (twice) ... knew I had some knowledge and both times my advice worked like a charm so she was grateful and did not have the problem just chatting with me that some do (there is an issue with guys who just want to talk with them .. off the clock ... endlessly make lans they will never follow up on).

Girl 2 is former porn star ... makes most of her living escroting these days ... anyway, first time we did actually meet was in Vegas .... she had been comped to a suite and after literally months of busted plans for one to fly east or other to fly west, we decided to meet halfway (ok .... Nevada is a LOT closer to her).  I picked up her airfare.  I was more than a little surprised when she suggested I just stay with her?  I booked my own room to be safe but she insisted i spend both nights with her.  The financials? Well, sort of played the game that I was staking her gambling instead of paying for sex but the bottom line, what money I gave her would have bought about 2 hours of her time and I had 24/7 for two and a half days (caveat, I am not as young as springtime so that only meant actual sex twice, but a mutual bath and a massage were some of the other stuff).

Bottom line: it was this weird "quasi" date but money changed hands.  Second and third time I saw her (also Vegas), she paid her own airfare, I was comped to room and we stayed together and again, I fed slot machines for her and handed her an envelope at end which she tried (did not try too hard) to decline.  Even got lines like "I wish YOU were my husband" ... and the ever popular "I love you" from her.

So ... did we date or did I hire an escort?  Well, there is no guy more pitiful than the guy who thinks the girl in the strip club actually "likes' him.  My attitude is I hired an escort.  When would that ever change?  Simple - when she saw me with no expectation of $$$.  I am enjoying the experience but its critical to keep a level head.    

Funny thing, she will talk at length about how freaked out she is by the many many cliens who tell her they love her - and her reaction is usually harsh and cynical ... "They all 'love' me when they just want to fuck me!".  She's also offered that if she gets the sense a guy is really getting loopy over her, she will cut them off and not see them again or even answer phone/emails "It gets very very weird when they say they love you" she said.  Has said she could never "date" a client for real, though she has gone on unpaid dates (birthdays, etc) with regulars to keep them happy/interested.

Have probably lost all focus over the course of this little screed but maybe some will find the insights inside the mind of at least one provider toward this situation interesting>

I would state that money is always a part of the equation.  Women want to be around men who can provide.  (No pun intended).  Actually, there is nothing wrong with that.  Once you get into the hobby, you think about money you wasted on dates that ended with no sex and no relationship.  If you could have invested that money...It is just a part of life that we all try to idealistically forget about.   There is always money coming out of your pocket in some way when you are in relationships with women.  It is part of being a man.

Very good point.  Most men who get in this hobby are in strong financial positions.  As a result, the risk of what might happen if the SO finds out is a risk that can be handled because for many, the SO would actually stick around if she found out.  Why?  Because she realizes that her financial status and lifestyle will likely drop and you will still go on with your life and enjoy providers.

I was very successful for 25 years, then had a change of fortunes about in the late '90's.  When I finally put my beautiful (and no longer affordable) house on the market in 2002, all the women I knew abandoned me like rats off a sinking ship.  They wouldn't even take my calls.  I never had another date with a civie woman after that and it really changed my view of the world- hence my presence on TER.

I figured, if it was just about the money all along, I'd rather give my money to women that were both honest about it, and better at putting a smile on my face, as opposed to the ones that pretended to care about me.

I realize it was worse for you because you were married, but the list of men that have been used in a similar fashion would be in the tens of millions, so don't beat yourself up over it.

My two cents in reply would be to affirm that this someone "with very limited experience" has brought a good deal of common sense to the situation and thus learned a great deal.  Despite the grammatical errors and / or typos, sceej56 understands the dynamics of the "p4p" situation and expresses himself well.  He is thinking with both heads.