SOS SOUTH GATE, CALIFORNIA—Cops and Rubbers!

  The Los Angeles Times printed the following notice yesterday, that I will summarize. “An off duty police officer was arrested on suspicion of soliciting an act of prostitution.”

  It seems Officer Ricardo Wannaeffer (names changed to protect the guilty) had the audacity, after his shift with the K-9 corp., to arrive on the street at 3AM and request that an idle street walker accommodate him doggy style. Big surprise! It turned out that the street walker was actually Miss Alexis Pooperscooper, a member of the South Gates vice squad, or so we surmise, because before you could shout “clean it up” Wannaeffer was being carted off to the hoosegow and amazingly booked with a million dollar bail. Million bucks for asking for a simple fuck? Is that possible?

  Anyway, it seems there is an advantage to being a cop after all, before his mom could wring out her hanky, Wannaeffer’s bail was mute and he was released without bond when the charges were withdrawn. I knew I should have joined the force. This gambit beats the fire fighters who were robbing stores and then setting them on fire to cover up the thefts.

  Wannaeffer was put on administrative leave, no doubt with salary(?) while the district attorney is investigating the matter. Which all goes to prove when you catch a cop making a hard effort probing in a honey pot, he is probably just investigating, maybe looking for eggs with salmonella or his lost set of car keys.

  This “cops and rubbers” story reminds me of when I was a young cock on the walk and I would run to my sweetie when ever my erection was uncontrollable. Unfortunately Officer Blumpkin was also in love with my honey and although I would always fight to get to her door first, when I would get there late and see Blumpkin’s black and white parked in her driveway I knew I was in for a long wait. Not because he had a sexual dysfunction or had lost his hand cuff key, but because that son of a bitch needed about twenty minutes to get his uniform off and another twenty to get it back on. God knows how long it took to get a rubber on his police baton but it sure was horrible having to wait until he finished and drove off in a cloud of smoke; don’t they ever smog those vehicles?

"...son of a bitch needed about twenty minutes to get his uniform off and another twenty to get it back on."  

Why take it off!  Damn, it is so much more exciting when he just unzips his pants!  A few years ago a friend who worked for the PD, mentioned to one of the hot, young officers that she had a cute little friend who happened to live in his patrol area.  So one day I heard a buzz on my apartment intercom and discovered that Officer Hot and Horny was downstairs in the lobby and wanted to know if he could come up and talk to me.  Sure.  It wasn’t like I had any outstanding warrants or anything.                            

Talk about a hot $*#&ing time.  Radio blaring on the night stand; 20#gun belt pressing against my quivering thighs; the smell of danger and intrigue.  Poor thing, I exhausted him so much he needed a little cat nap before he was off to get the next bad guy.  Plus the supervisor was wondering where the hell he was.  

Cuff me up!

One problem with vice is they are always wearing boring street clothes. I mean if they're going to go through the hassle of arresting you and all, they should at least wear their uniforms for the sake of effect.

And then there is backseat bail...but that’s for another time and discussion.