wallet's a little bit lighter, smile's a little bit brighter.
I've been planning this trip for six months, and in preparation I assembled a small arsenal of toys and lingerie, enough so I had to ship it all out in 3' x 3' box. The airline wanted $50 for an extra bag, and FedEx ground gave me a deal for $35; besides last time I traveled with this many dildos I had to answer to Homeland Security (apparently anything over 6" is considered a weapon). I had the whole thing spread out on the floor Friday night which included: a cop outfit, four sets of garters and nylons, two bodystockings, three dildos (I like variety), two restraint systems, a small whip, a six pack of enemas, two dozen condoms, three bottles of lube (one flavored, one regular, and one extra smooth), a jar of 20 little blue pills, pharmacutical grade testosterone booster, and an herbal supplement that's supposed to make my penis larger (I have a tendency to over prepare).
The young lady was nice enough to clean up before she left (I fell asleep exhausted), but the next morning when the housekeeper arrived with breakfast I had to slide the dildo bag down the bureau top to make room for the tray. The bag hit the floor and out popped my battery operated rotating "cock monster". The on button clicked, and monster boy started gyrating with a loud electic hum. It looked like a giant penis snake "coming to get-cha".
Terrified, the housekeeper screamed, dropped the tray, through her arms up in the air, and started screaming some crazy shit in Spanish. The coffee and oatmeal spilled everywhere. I picked up monster boy and tried to turn him off. The housekeeper must have had an pocket alarm or something because within seconds hotel security burst through the door packing a taser, and there I was holding a 9" rotating dildo pointed at a screaming housekeeper.
"SIR, PUT DOWN THE PENIS, PUT YOUR ARMS IN THE AIR, AND STEP AWAY FROM THE HOUSEKEEPER."
Needless to say, I was fined $100 for room damages and they confiscated my comp card.
OK, part of this story is embellished for humor, but as most of you know I'd post anything for a laugh. It was just a regular dildo, no batteries, and the housekeeper didn't scream or drop the tray; but she did give me a very dirty look. Then, as she left, she mumbled something in Spanish that did NOT sound like a complement.
