How finger puppets came to be!

I think this self appointed imam is giving you a Han job...

...there seems to be nothing in the Quran that specifically condemns masturbation but, it wouldn't surprise me to find a believer who would feel it should be forbidden for no logical reason. This is also the religion which believes that keeping dogs as pets and including them in your family and homes is not only filthy hygienically but filthy to the point that it stains your soul and is forbidden. Oh yeah, they also forbid building snowmen or the depiction of snowmen. I could go on and on....    

How about if I used safe masturbation techniques?