I knew it was 14lbs because when I got to the ‘check in’ my bag was 10lbs over weight.  Even though I had enough cash to cover five dates for this trip, no way was I spending an extra $25 for over weight baggage. So I removed the ‘tie sack’ containing all my hobby equipment and bingo, now my bag was 4lbs under.  I threw the sack into my backpack and marched off to airport security packing 14lbs of cock for week long Vegas vacation.  All I had to do was get through homeland security.  

No such luck.  Do you know what 14lbs of dildos look like in an airport scanner? It looks like a damn multi-color “penis bouquet”.  Now it wasn’t all dildos, there were two strap-ons (one was hollow), a two foot double dong, a set of handcuffs, 12 foot of Japanese “sex rope”, a fresh filled script of little blue pills, nipple clamps, a gross of condoms and a foot long battery operated “cock monster” that moved like a snake with a flick of a switch.  

The convo I the back room went like this:

Homeland Security:  this is quite a collection (chuckle)
Me:    I’m going to Vegas
Homeland Security: (Puzzled look)
Me:    It’s my first orgy
Homeland Security:  (contained laughter). And what about all these envelopes?

Before I learned the adult method of carrying cash,  a separate bank ATM card with a branch in Vegas AND Philadelphia, I used to carry cash on my person.  This year, with an especially busy schedule, I put it in a series of envelopes each marked a different day of the week.  

Me:    That’s my gambling money!!
Homeland Security:   Two of them are marked AM and PM?
Me:     I like to pace my self.  

Convinced I wasn’t trying to hijack the plane with strap-ons and viagra, I was sent on my way.  I had to open all the envelopes, cash is allowed, just not in sealed envelopes.  When my first date of the week got hers she thought it was for a different provider. Apparently there’s a local girl named “PM Tuesday” that’s a real spitfire.