was a young millennial trying to curry favor with a particular girl and make himself look important and "in the know." Since many of the younger guys have no social skills with women, they don't have a clue how a girl might react when confronted with certain things. Women are just as likely to hate the messenger as they are the message when it comes to something unflattering. Its because they're women, not because they're providers. Perhaps the answer is "Don't trust any hobbyist under 40?" Don't know the answer. Still trying to figure it out.
In this case, the inside info was absolutely accurate (or I wouldn't have passed it along), but not something generally known.TER understands the importance of private communications between hobbyists and providers. This is why publicly disclosing the contents of PM's can subject you to banishment.
Many of us have spent years developing a network of trusted hobby brothers with whom we can confidently share information about our Kgirls, some are innocuous, some flattering, and some not so flattering because PM's allow you to be truthful with your fellow hobbyists without worry of blowback from a provider you are discussing privately, because its not on the boards. Even with some here I have had disagreements with over the years, any PM's we have are still private. Its expected that guys I share intel with that I trust may also pass the info along to guys THEY trust, with each one in the information chain expecting that their own network will not share what is said with providers that are being discussed.
Recently, I have had a couple of disappointments with a few that had earned my trust when they went to the subject Kgirl and disclosed what I had said. When the girl asked them where they heard that, they gave me up immediately as their source. If it were just me, I could deal with it, but many times, the info I pass on is from someone who trusted me, so a breach of my trust imputes to me a breach of HIS trust, in this case causing the loss of a valuable information source from a guy who is very close, or in some cases knows a guy very close, to several popular girls. If I lose a source, so do the guys that ask me for information, which I will no longer get from this source.
I don't know what makes a guy go crazy and start outing confidential information sources, but going to a girl and telling her who has information about her that is not yet public knowledge hurts the whole community in the long run. Once you burn a source, you don't get it back.
It would be interesting to hear other thoughts on this point. Even though we are anonymous to each other, do we have a right to expect integrity from our fellows with respect to information about providers we are seeing and sharing. or is it every many for himself, and some of us are just stupid for trusting other hobbyists with sensitive information? If I'm the naïve one, then I need a wake-up call, so please chime in with everyone's two cents. Trying to decide if I should quit sharing info entirely.
I would absolutely expect the content of my pm to be kept private by the recipient, just as I do with any pm sent to me. As you mentioned, TER has this as a bannable offense so I would think common sense and respect would tell us to not share with other people, especially outside of TER and especially providers. In case anyone wasn't aware, the girls definitely communicate with each other so when you tell one girl something you are likely telling her friends as well.
This reminds me of when I was growing up, all of the guys weren't necessarily best friends but we all had an understanding that certain things were not acceptable when it came to the ladies. I would hope we can all at least extend the same amount of decency and respect to each other that schoolboys could for the most part.
Exactly, it's called the "guy code". It seems to me that this code has lost importance in the last 10 years or so, kind of like the old NY "omertà" or whatever is was called. Jimmy in Goodfellas summed it up, "Never say a word, and always keep your mouth shut"
-- Modified on 3/6/2017 3:35:56 PM
The TER rule is against putting info from PM's on the discussion boards, and it is easy to prove because you have your PM as evidence. He didn't do that, he told a Kgirl directly by either calling her, texting her or seeing her in person.
But then people would merely reply, change the To names and....
I fully agree. If one is provided information in a PM and then wants to share to a different set of people just summarize the "facts" and send it as *your* intel and keep sources private.
Of course I cannot help but wonder about cdl's situation -- is that from stupidity or some type of payback. Why even mention the content of a PM with negative information to one of the girls. If they bring it up that's a different case -- but even then STFU about the who said part. The only exception would be if you know the claims to be false and meant to harm the girls business or feeling (and yes, I think that does matter even in this world) and it's not some isolated act by the person.
was a young millennial trying to curry favor with a particular girl and make himself look important and "in the know." Since many of the younger guys have no social skills with women, they don't have a clue how a girl might react when confronted with certain things. Women are just as likely to hate the messenger as they are the message when it comes to something unflattering. Its because they're women, not because they're providers. Perhaps the answer is "Don't trust any hobbyist under 40?" Don't know the answer. Still trying to figure it out.
In this case, the inside info was absolutely accurate (or I wouldn't have passed it along), but not something generally known.
Like I said, if it was just me that burned, it wouldn't be so bad, but this guy trusted me and I let him down. Because the guy I trusted screwed up, its a reflection on me. That's why its so important to keep the information flow solely among the guys and not let providers into the loop. That's WHY we use PM and not board posts for certain information.
I heard it from him first because the girl jumped down his throat, but gave him my name as the rat's source. The girl may not even directly know of me. She deduced it was my source because he was the one she originally gave the info to. So he's pissed at me now because she's pissed at him. It flows downhill, not up.
If I shared information with you, I really wouldn't expect to get fucked.
I remember asking for information about a woman and mentioning it's for a friend and you passed on sharing.
I'd expect the fellow who is upset at you to chill out and realize you had minimal expectation of the information getting out of hand. I'm sure you have learned some lesson too.
TER bans people for sharing PM information, and in this situation it doesn't apply, but the guy who shared to the woman should be fucking banned between the fellows. Big mouth motherfucker.
that I have had spirited and vigorous public debates with on the boards, but if we PM at some point, which we have on occasion, even discussing certain girls, private is still private. It should be a point of honor among hobby brothers to keep it private, whether the guy is like-minded with you about the hobby or not.
Personally, I tend to be cautious about sharing things from private conversations, period; and I think it's pretty much the norm on internet boards that you don't share anything from PMs without the other person's permission. I would think common sense, if nothing else, would tell anyone that that is especially true in this corner of the world.
No Outing Men Acquiring Asian Mistresses
I always thought PM means private message? It would suck for others if you freeze them out through no fault of their own. There is fun and camaraderie in sharing and receiving intel as part of a circle of trust.
At least now you know who not to trust and may want to PM your circle who that person is. Also, people may forget common sense, so it is good to request them not to share your info without your consent.
Stupidity it was then, not someone trying to get back at you about something (didn't really think that as I suspect you're smart enough not to give your enemies rope to hang you with) not did I suspect you, or think someone would infer, had been spreading unsupported (or any for that matter) rumors about K-girls.
when you reply, you can reply to the original sender.
AS they say, technically just about anything is possible. I suspect it would annoy too many people if set as a universal lock and probably forgotten in the one case it was really needed (Murphy and his clan).
Still, could not hurt to ask for something as an enhancement down the road.
for TER to post a warning on the mail site saying that any unauthorized sharing of PMs will be grounds for having the PM privilege revoked.
The same as people who share details of posts on the PO and RO boards with those not privy to those boards.
I've heard of fellows sharing private information, possibly out of desperation.
One time, it was to a woman that lost interest in them (possibly creeped out).
The guy turns around and shares to the women, hoping to get back in her good graces and look like a hero, while trying to make the other look bad.
I figure someone you have built long term trust with can be trusted, but someone new, I'd proceed with caution.
-- Modified on 3/6/2017 3:58:22 PM
You have a right to expect integrity under the circumstances you described, but if those who breach your trust are not accountable for doing so, then we have to expect that breaches happen and will continue to happen. I can't tell you what to do or how to account for potential breaches as you exchange information in the future, and I wouldn't presume to do so. Personally I think it is great you are willing to share information with those whom you trust, especially because you have to take the time and effort to confront the complications that come up in doing so, such as the one you raised in this thread.
I don't really get hit up for information much, but my practice is to only disclose what the girl doesn't mind being disclosed, all to avoid complications. Yes, if everyone does that then it is akin to the "every man for himself" scenario, which is not what I want but I am a lesser man that can't deal with the collateral stuff with which you deal. So while I like having intelligence, I don't require it -- at the end of the day one of the aspects of the hobby that I enjoy is finding out or verifying things for myself.
-- Modified on 3/6/2017 5:30:38 PM
Yes, there are assholes out there. Yes, the PM is a trust that some assholes will violate. And, yes, you're right to be pissed.
BUT, to give up on the TER buddies who you trust and who trust and rely on you, would be a blow to the community, and, I believe, a loss to you.
I hope you continue to be the same informative, sometimes abrasive but always informative, curmudgeonly funny hobbyist you've been.....
CR
I'm not much of a PM guy. My reviews are as honest and complete as I can make them and so have nothing to add in a PM. I've had people PM me with certain questions that I routinely refuse to answer. I don't really know who they are or why they want to know something. Anything I have to say about a provider either gets said publicly in a review, or not at all.
Info from a PM should stay private. It should certainly not be shared with a provider to gain points with her. That does sound like someone young...but what do I know? I am past the mid-century mark. 