I have been lurking for some time, trying to learn the lingo and culture of the hobby. I have yet to actually engage in the hobby. I was in a six year relationship that ended recently. I'm into fidelity and monogamy, so I did not look to deal with my special needs until recently.
I know how this will sound, every guy brags about it, but for me it's a curse. I have a large penis. Boo-hoo, right? But, in part because I'm not a big guy (5'/9.5" tall, 155lbs) and Lilly white, it looks comical. Seriously freakish. I don't know if every guy measures their junk, but I know my size because I've had way too many unsatisfying sexual encounters where the girls would measure me. My erect penis is 11. 1/8" in length (measuring from my pubic area to the tip), the crown (it's widest area) measures just short of 8". Again, due to my height and weight, it looks even bigger.
So, my sexual history is one of curiosity and dares. I played soccer in HS, so there was the communal shower. The attention was cool at first (I first saw dicks in pornos, I thought most dudes were bigger). I was shocked that at a party I was basically seduced by a cutie, who was cool but definitely very slutty. She said she had heard I had a big one. This was my first encounter so my mind was racing and it really dawn on me to ask where she heard that. I still would like to know. I was so ready, I couldn't even contort it to get it out of my fly. She just laughed, like seeing something so freakishly absurd you just emote. She was really into playing with it, typical of the vast majority of experiences, she did her best to give me oral pleasure, but in the end, the combo hand/blow job how I lost my virginity. It wasn't until college before I was even able to attempt vaginal sex. It was maddenly frustrating. I was in a relationship and we tried and tried but it was just too much for her. I have had sex with 14 women, mostly in college and as me being an oddity or a personal challenge as to whether she could "take it." With only two was I able to have what I feel is regular sex, i.e., penetration. One partner was a very drunk, very heavy set "eager beaver" who said she knew how we could do it. It was basically, and I just learned the term here, "lazy dog." so, with her lying on her enormous belly and me balancing on large rump, I was able to experience my first vaginal orgasm. I didn't feel as though I was able to really go for it, the depth was not what I hoped for. And I didnt get see her either, look into her eyes. I long to be able to have just regular missionary sex, where I can see my lover, where our pubic areas touch (that's an erogenous area for me, for sure). My other experience, and I learned some new things about this, but it was anal. I met a woman while at a conference who turned out to be really into anal. She told me that once we passed the anal sphincter, and it relaxed, she said it could be two feet long, that unlike the vagina, which has a "bottom" the colon has more room. It was a passionate evening, she was a willing and able partner but I guess anal isn't my thing, and I kind of think her type is few and far between. I've learned too that having had a baby (or more) has little baring on my issue, that effects the girth issue, not the length issue.
I think sex is an important part of a relationship. I've heard of men being in a sexless marriage and ending it because of sex. My ex fiancé, I learned, was cheating on me for basically just that. She wanted sex but was unsatisfied with ours. I've learned to be pretty good at performing oral, since sex with me was going to end up that way pretty much anyway. She and I used to do missionary with her keeping her legs closed and me being between her legs. It was an adaption, one I would have continued because I really loved her, as I thought she loved me. She still professes to. She clings to her betrayal as being "just sex." I asked her how she would feel if I found someone just for sex and she said that she thought it could work! I couldn't believe it. She wanted, I guess it's called an "open" marriage. Yeah right! I'm to raise kids in this kind of arrangement? How would I even know if the kids are mine? No way. I'm not judging others, but that's not me. I'm pretty conservative.
So, I have a window in which I might be able to explore this special need through this hobby. I'm willing to go to an expert, someone that I find sexually attractive (I like petite girls, which I know is problematic. Thin and slender are nice too. I am not attracted to BBW or "thick" women) that won't make me feel like a freak, someone who won't gawk, or even act like its anything out of the norm, someone who won't raise the price once they see it, and a provider that can take it but also make me feel like I am a man having sex with a woman and not some perve with a china doll. I know it's possible, I've seen the porns myself.
This might all be way TMI, but seriously, what kind of thoughtful response would I have gotten if I just asked "I need a woman that can take a big dick, got any suggestions?"
I would also like to point out that I think about everyone here is respectful. This is a new world to me and I have been impressed by how respectful people are when they write reviews or the feedback providers share. It feels like a safe place. That said, please think before making a quip. I heard them all before. And no I don't want to do porn, nor send a picture, or behave in any other way than most people behave. I work in a conservative profession and discretion is paramount. I don't want to be with someone that will "give it a try." been there, done that. Honestly, I don't think I would have the nerve to try this more than once.
Okay, so that was like the longest question ever, any answers out there? How would I even bring the subject up with a provider prior to the face to face? I don't want to hunt, I would just like to have what most dudes take for granted.
...eom