just curious,

if I genuinely want to meet with a provider, just to have lunch or coffee, is it wrong of me to presume that she won't charge me as if this was a date or session ?

How do i ask her, and at the same time assure that it is not meant for us to do anything afterwards, without insulting her ?

Do not know what is the proper protocol. Or is this one of those things that only she can initiate, while I wait in the lurch ?

thanks.

What makes you think that spending an hour or more with you for free would be more important to her than spending an hour or more than a paying client? Time and money is the issue here not company. This is a business last I checked. If you want to meet providers and not pay then I suggest that you check into the Meet & Greets in your area.

There is an exeption though. If you have seen a particular provider several times and the two of you have an established friendship, then feel free to ask her. I have had dinner and enjoyed off the clock activities with providers that I have become friends with. However, every time we have been intimate, there has been compensation given, and I would not want it any other way.

If it seems like as I flamed you, that was not my intention.

Sweetheart,

When you ask a provider to meet you (off the clock)  for coffee, she rightly assumes that you are sizing her up as a potential paying date.

Therefore she will feel compelled to dress up, do her best makeup, hair and other feminine tools, so that she will impress you and draw you in.

Now she has spent just as much, if not more, time and effort on you as she does as a paying client.

You have the fun of the OTC date... and she has the fun of going home empty-handed.

Yes, you might end up booking her. Or you might turn out to be one of a long line of "gents" who make a game out of wasting a lady's time and goodwill.

I'm sure you see the problem.

we are escorts.  we are entertainers.  as such, we charge for our time and companionship; we do not charge for anything that may or may not happen during the time we spend with you.  to charge for any type of sexual activity, as an example, is illegal...so of course, that is not what an escort does.  again, she charges for her time and companionship only.

take it a step further, then.  if an escort were to charge for "some" dates and not others, the implication could be made that what she's charging for is certain types of activities - that may or may not take place during those dates - rather than merely her time and companionship.  if she charges for private time, but not for a coffee date...one could ask, what is it about private time that requires a fee?  if there is a fee for every single date, whether it's coffe, lunch, dinner and dessert, or simply private time, then the escort is indeed charging for her time and companionship - and not anything else.  capisce?

sometimes a gentleman likes to meet a lady before he commits to a longer amount of time, say a four-hour dinner date.  what i will often do in such circumstances is offer a short coffee date at perhaps $50 for my time and companionship.  should the gentleman then be interested in booking a four-hour (or longer) date, i will gladly apply the fee for the coffee date to the fee for his second date as a courtesy (remember you heard it here first!).

bottom line, we are not trying to be difficult when we tell you there's a fee for that meet-and-greet you want before you commit to a date.  as both tabu snd 808transplant pointed out, our time IS money - if we're not having coffee with you, we could be entertaining some other gentleman.  plus, as i said, all an escort CAN charge for is her time.

i hope this helps.

-- Modified on 8/5/2012 9:55:03 AM

if it is a first meeting.  I have spent otc time with some of my favorite providers that I enjoyed out of the bedroom as well but it was after we got to know one another.

thanks for the responses. I should have been a little more clear. I don't mean as a 'first time' scenario. I understand that here time is as valuable as mine, and respect the business aspects of such things.

I meant in as much a capacity of having seen each other over multiple visits. I've always been curious how that bridge gets crossed. If there is mutual interest, on a friendship level, I want to make sure to approach it without putting my foot in my mouth, or making her feel uncomfortable.

I don't want to misread any signs, and I cannot always assume that she is feeling the same thing that I might be.

I can see a professional relationship still being maintained. But I have noticed over the years on this board, between experienced posters and moderators, how they talk about having had lunch with or meeting up with for coffee; with some provider. nothing more.

I understand the time spent for the usual physical enjoyment. but on those rare occasions that the provider is actually someone of intelligence, and with actual things to say, how would one continue such conversation, if only over a friendly sit down.

At some point both parties gotta eat, or have a coffee. I have noticed many providers post here and there about having lunch with a client, that was just that. So yeah, how was that first done. Who made the first move?

I would hope if I did get the chance to have a coffee or whatnot with a provider i've known long enough, that she would not have to worry about being "on the clock" when we meet. and that she wouldn't have to feel the need to "dress to impress", unless she was doing it for herself. I would want to be meeting with the real person behind the woman who has already so thoroughly impressed me with her "night job".  

Thought it might be nice. But I appreciate all the responses thus far. Want to get views from either side. I am not taking any of the advice or thoughts as negative or personal

hey, its cool. I appreciate the thoughts and advice. I posted a clearer understanding of what I was trying to get at. I was not trying to dismiss any real world or business concerns. but I've noticed that providers and hobbyists alike do seem to meet up from time to time for such things. and not just on a 'meet and greet' level. these occurences seem to be more 'one on one' and on a friendship level.

thought people might let me know how they first attempted to ask, or how cautiously they treated the matter.

all good.

exactly. i meant to stress as an 'after the fact'. after having seen them for a while, and established the trust and whatnot. how does one first approach it? do you just shoot from the gut and ask, hoping they understand, or is there something more delicate involved ?

thanks.

you make a very good point. it is something that doens't need to be shared out loud, should it happen.

but yeah, it did seem like many hobbyists were mentioning it. many not a lot, but enough times that it stuck in my mind as a possibility. though I am not actively seeking it, I was curious to know how to go about it, should the urge to really pursue it ever really arise.

one has to be careful separating the illusion from the reality.

but it's strange really. from either side (Provider or Hobbyists) you can't really expect it to always be purely THIS or THAT. you could argue, its just a business transaction, nothing more. so from that standpoint, a crude hobbyist could expect a 'step & fetch' kind of girl, and needn't be concerned about being polite or courteous. he would then think he has the right to just order her around and command sheer obedience, without being remotely courteous or gentlemanly.

at the same time, if a provider expects that outward courtesy and politeness, then a man might think that as long as he's not breaking the "sexual line", and he's just continuing the courtesy and friendliness with an OTC coffee/drink, then provider shouldn't be too shocked to see that the guy also enjoys the genuine mental interaction, and can control his physical urges; until such time he's ready again to compensate her for that aspect of their professional relationship.

but you're right. if it does happen, rare as it should be, though not posted as such, then it should be kept on the down low, and between the interested parties.

thank you for the thoughts. greatly appreciated.

For a first meeting you are engaging her services and she will (and should) expect to get paid.  Some providers offer intro packages with lunch and a session following, but it is a business meeting for her.

There are a couple of providers I will have lunch with from time to time with the understanding that there is no charge.  But these are gals I have been seeing for years and we have something specific to discuss, travel plans, a personal issue one of us has, etc.

Always remember she is providing a service and you are paying for her time.  I have been asked to have a drink in the lounge before or after seeing a lady.  Even go out for lunch, coffee or dinner also.  Being single I and never worried about time myself when enjoying the hobby, it's my pleasure to agree and enjoy the company.

I recall a very well known lady on this board and myself meeting for coffee when I was passing through her area, but I didnt have time for an appt.....we had a very nice meeting, and when I was passing back through her area a few days later, we did have time for an appt, and it was a great time.  Now, this is far from normal, and I doubt many ladies would do it, but in this case, it was a very nice time.

Now on the flip side, I have had several ladies join me for a bite to eat or a drink AFTER our appt has taken place...and this was off the clock as they were either done for the day/evening, or simply had a gap of time, in which case they would have done the same thing...only I was buying.  If we had nice time together, and felt that "click", then it was simply someone to enjoy a drink or meal with, with nice conversation....no expectations of more time on my part as we parted ways when the meal was done.

My experiences may differ from others, but like I said, it can happen under the right circumstances, but its all up to the lady.

Cheers

I would have to say that most if not all providers would not but down for this....

I have gone to lunch with a few providers, but it was after quite a few visits (paid) that it even was a possibility... An fit typically happens if I see them around lunch time....

I don't pick up the phone and ask them to Starbucks...

My 2/100 of a dollar

Loved !

Is this a personal invite for dinner and drinks Elle?

I do need to get away for a weekend sometime soon here....New Orleans isnt my favorite place to have to hang my hat, but its where work is keeping me for the near future.....bummer for me.

Cheers babe.

Although I agree with 90% of what you said, this stuff about the guys strokg their egos by bragging about providers need not be compensated for spending time with them is downright silly. I am not bragging about how much of a stud I am and if you ask any provider that I have been with I am sure she will tell you that I am far from a STUD. Unless you have liquid nitrogen running through your veins or are just too cool to actually become friends with the Lowley John patrons,  it is impossible to be intimate with the same people as often as some of us are and not even develop even the slightest friendship.

One thing about me that I will devulge here that I never have to anyone. I usually hobby in the late morning around 10 AM. When my 60 or 90 minute appointment is winding down and we are getting dressed I ask the provider if she has eaten. I know exactly if she had breakfast or not by her breath. Yes, a stomach full of acids with no food in it is easy to recognize no matter how much mouthwash or brushing. If she gets defensive and replies with "Why do you ask" I usually say nevermind and roll on out. If she says that she has not eaten I usually give her some $20s for lunch and roll out. If I did take her to lunch it was because she invited herself.

You make it seem that it is wrong to even suggest something OTC. Maybe it is, but ultimately it is up to the individual provider to decide and there is no set protocol.

I can empathize with that rational. It is very fair, and to the point. but at the same time, this website exists because of what we all know is really going on, but have to act like it is not.

I completely understand the "time is money" argument, which is why I would not be offended if a provider did say, "sure, we can have coffee, but it'll cost you as well". I just wanted to know if there was a situation where she might not be charging for that time.

The wholesale across the board idea, that every minute she is doing THIS with one hobbyist, she could be doing THAT with another hobbyist, is also a bit to severe. Most of the providers here seem to point out that they are not high volume. I assume that is a reflection of how they wish to market themselves. For purposes of comfort, or to put at ease hobbyists who worry they are getting something of "inferior quality" or other such nonsense.

I just think, all things being equal, if both the hobbyist & provider have had multiple encoutners, and the hobbyist were to suggest grabbing a bite to eat, or a coffee, or a drink. just for shits and grins. just to talk. then the provider, being a sound human being, capable of using her time, at her discretion, might agree to such an offer, without thinking that she had to also have that be on the clock.

I understand lawyers charge by the hour, but even some don't charge you for a 15 or 30 min sitdown over coffee, especially if you are not discussing anything regarding legal matters. poor example maybe, but its late

I think one response here put it best, maybe it makes more sense at an hour of the day where its more than likely she would take up your offer. say around lunch time. or even after a regular paid visit. assuming she's not shuttling off to her next "ambiguous encounter".

I was always amazed at how some moderators talked about these kind of OTC moments. it never came across like it was something they felt was owed to them, or that the girls were doing it out of some sense of obligation, or to size up for next encounter. just a mutually friendly sitdown. to sit and talk the shit, over whatever your poison might be. at whatever time of day might have been convenient. maybe it was spur of the moment most of the time. or maybe, just perhaps, the provider and hobbyist knew it was one of those rare moments where they would both just be catching up over a bite or a drink. to act like regular human beings. and that there would be nothing afterwards. and only if there were, that it would be under a completely different, and paid for arrangement.

I trust that any provider will do as she pleases, at her level of discretion. She is ultimately the boss, and she can call the shots regarding her time and whatnot. Like any owner of a business, she knows when and where she can bend or break her own rules. its a matter of her discipline.

I dunno. It's a strange topic. But I'd be lying if i said it never crossed my mind, or felt the opportunity may have been there; if only I had just seized it, said the right thing. But I am a man, can't read all the signs. if i could...then i'd be a woman

Or the displeasure of going home empty handed. Time is time and cost in meeting is just that.
Some have other rates to meet .

ooooookay, i'm sorry, i misunderstood your question; i was thinking strictly "meet-and-greet".

since you are asking about OTC meetings occurring once the provider-client relationship has been established for a period of time, i'll offer a couple of comments directed to that question, if i may.

i would suggest you leave it up to the provider to offer OTC status for an outing, rather than requesting it yourself.  that's a li'l tacky.

i will also caution you to never assume subsequent, similar outings are OTC as well, just because she offered it once.  here's an example to crystallize my meaning, because this is an important point:  one of my most regular (and most favorite) clients invited me to dinner for a special occasion, and i accepted.  he arrived that evening and presented an envelope, as per usual.  i handed it back to him, saying, "no, i don't need this tonight because you're treating me to this nice night out for [occasion]".  he thanked me and told me he hadn't wanted to make any assumptions.  so far, so good.  we had a nice evening, and he dropped me back at my place with no "private time".  a few weeks later, he invited me for a similar evening out, with no special occasion to mark.  again, i accepted, but did not mention any expectations regarding a fee.  we again had a nice evening, no private time...and no envelope.  hmmmmm.  that hadn't really been my intention - but my bad for not bringing it up!

lastly, as others have pointed out - please keep the favor of OTC time to yourself.  when offered, it IS a special favor whether because the provider wants to give you a little perk for being loyal client, or because she just plain likes you and enjoys your company.  it's a gift for YOU, treasure it as such.

or open their mouths and remove all doubt. How many times did you go home empty handed?

Your feeling will get hurt when she turns you down and she maybe afraid to see you again.

On the other hand if she ever brings it up.....then go for it but expect that there maybe future ramifications if things dont go well-as in she may also be afraid to see you again

I am only taking from experience as in years and years of it

bagman