is the sources are not always reliable
There are certain high powered people who hobby who can't/won't share their work phone number because of the risk they face if they do. In a certain scenario recently I tried to set up a double with another provider for a particular gentleman I've known and seen for over 7 years. We we're pushed to share his real name, job information etc. You can google him and pictures come up everywhere as well as his work/business name with reference to a major banking institution. He filled out every question on her interview page (and there are a lot!!) including his cell number but didn't want to fill his work number/extension in.
The other provider still refuses to see him. It says on her website that she checks all Driver's Licenses when clients arrive. I told her that he could/would also show a business card and would clearly be able to see that he's the one in the photos she googled but none of that's enough. She absolutely refuses to see him based on her google findings, my solid reference or the information he shared minus his work number. Not that this is part of the point but he's one of the most stellar people I've ever met and has always gone above and beyond to take care of me and to ensure my life is stable and safe. I was the first provider he ever met and to my knowledge the only one he has seen since. When he wants to change it up and add some spice to our time together he always goes through me in order to provide another layer of discretion and safety and because I guard his identity like a bull dog.
I know there are many more gentleman out there who are just as important as the person I'm talking about and am wondering what they do and how they feel when someone they *really* want to see refuses to without that phone number? Did you eventually give in and give it to her or did you move on to someone who's a bit more gracious about *his* needs as well as hers?
Happy Sunday!!
xo LL
That level of information makes the relationship one sided. Too many things can go wrong. Nobody in a position like he is in should trust enough to allow that kind of access until a great level of trust has built up, like the two of you share, even then nothing in writing.. He has shared too much already... find someone else that he really wants to see.
Last week I wanted to play so I made contact with a provider on p411, provided my TER info as well my P411. her assistant reply that needed a copy of my id emailed as well work info. WTF ? 25 REVIEWS, White listed as well p411 clearance w plenty ok's not enough ? I asked her assistant if she wanted my social and checking acct also. with recent events I learned to play it safe and there are plenty of providers out here. I know this been discussed here before, but I guess just wanna vent a little. I declined and went out shopping.
Don't get me wrong, we want each side to be comfortable with one to another but what you going to do with my info afterwards ? ru really going to tossed ?
The fact that you know him for seven years is fine with me. That says it all right there.
...first but she's now located in D.C. : ( I reached out to a few ladies from Eros but haven't heard back from anyone else.
xo LL
Every provider & hobbyist has different levels that they will go to for verification. We should all be in agreement that safety for all parties is paramount & some providers have different verification levels that make them comfortable. As hobbyists, we need to respect the ladies wishes. If a provider requests information that a hobbyist is uncomfortable or unwilling to give, then move on to someone else. TER offers the whitelist as a referral & we all know of other verification sites. When choosing a provider, take the verification process into consideration.
A quick story: I recently contacted a highly rated provider about setting up an appointment. She is VIP on TER & on other verification sites. She asked me to fill out her form on her website & when I looked at the info that she requested, I chose not to provide it & therefore not to see her. This was entirely my choice & I never considered asking her to have me skip the information. This is respecting the provider's wishes & not taking anything personally.
Move on & only deal with people that you can be comfortable with- before & during the appointment.
Just my 2 cents.
Good post HobbyDave. Totally agree.
Placing your employment at risk during a depression when being out of work in a high paying profession is a REAL possibility.
Move on, the provider is not worth it. Information at work is power and the man will always loose.
If ya loose your job, you loose the ability to care for your family !
where privacy is critical to many. I am guessing everyone here uses an alias.Why make so much of this? Move on; not everything is such high drama. Easy solution unless one's need to raise the drama is greater than the ease of the solution.
...where healthy conversation is encouraged not to mention keeps the board active. I think it only gets dramatic when people start naming names, resort to name calling or flaming the postee. I think as long as one leaves their personal feelings on the side when creating a post it should be OK to talk about whatever it is that's discussed.
xo LL
with respect until they want to fuck with me. A normal reaction from any human being.
of course you do - unless your parents were very creative 
having seen him for over 7 years. Laney has cred as far as I and many others are concerned. If this is a double, Laney's word should suffice.
If this is a single date with the guy and the other provider and Laney's "reference" of this guy is not enough, then the guy needs to move on. The guy wins and the other provider loses.
that should be good enough. I have seen many High profile hobbyists and never had any issues with communications because they wish to keep their identity secret, they are more than happy to make the lady comfortable and secure, you should not have to ask them to sacrifice their first born so to speak. Now I am however going to play Devil's advocate, Each provider has a website that clearly states her procedures and that should always be respected whether it is a single or double situation. As you all put it "move on" ok having said that gentlemen, I understand your position but this is a very crazy world right now, people are out of work, they are desperate and they seek providers to either steal services, rob (happened to me very recent) Had I caught this perp in the act I would have fought (That is what I am trained to do) and he would have pulled a gun, mace, which he did to my friend which this incident was posted on this board last year, a knife anything. There is an ominous rash of people who are on the prowl and we have every right to ask that our procedures are respected. I am very easy going and no one that I have communicated with has done anything that I ask. Fair to me why should I risk being hurt anymore? truth be told the last few dates.....if you call it that have been chock full of nuts and we as providers ask that you understand that we all want to conduct our businesses and you have your privacy but there are rules that have to be put in place for our safety, because when it comes to it the LE ain't gonna do a damn thing ask me how I know just my two cents.....
Providers PM me for further info on what has happened to me this never made it to the forum of course now it has.
....I respect the other provider's position even if I don't agree with it. Thank you for helping me make that point. You're also right about more and more people trying to pull maneuvers on us so safety and comfort are always first - for both parties (as everyone has already mentioned).
xo LL
xo LL
... but we'll see what happens. His little
That being....there are three sides to every story.
Recall that one?
As usual, people are quick to judge and spout an opinion. Let's look at this though, based on what has been given.
One guy wants to see two women. He's seen one...so she's cool. The other woman has screening she would like to do regardless. There's a hiccup in the process (as can sometimes happen) and then the other woman wants to take it to the board in public.
Anything I've said here incorrect so far?
So my question is........why.
Why take it to the board?
Don't we know what happens here?
One woman simply wants to screen her way...to make herself feel comfortable before being in a room with a stranger. Anyone think this is wrong?
This is an arrangement between three people...and three people ONLY. But taking it to the board makes it a whole other drama situation.
Now people are PMing the original poster like crazy. "Who is it...who is it...who is it?????" Because the male drama queens of this board just HAVE to know everything to make them feel important and 'in the loop'.
So now the OP tells one or two or who knows how many......and some other woman's name is now being spread around in a drama circle........when ALL she wanted to do was feel safe and comfortable.
Again.....stop me if I'm wrong here and anything is incorrect.
None of us know *exactly* what communication took place, word for word, yet now we're all drawn into this and someone's name is being bandied about as being difficult....when we have no idea what happened.
Does she deserve that?
Would any of us like to be put in the same situation with our names being passed around backchannel?
I have absolutely no idea who this other woman is...and some of you don't....and unfortunately some of you do if you've been digging, questioning, and involving yourself in something that has nothing to do with you. The bottom line is that, whoever it is, she didn't need to be brought into something in public............simply because the OP didn't like how things went.
Now Laney.....I like you. Met you at an M&G and think you're pretty cool. Don't take this all personally....but my thought is that something like this never should have been brought public to people that it doesn't involve.
If you've told even ONE person who this other lady is.......you have affected her name and reputation in a way that, I'll bet, you wouldn't want done to you.
This is a behind-closed-doors proposition we are involved in. To bring anything into the light...unless *absolutely* necessary for safety reasons.....is irresponsible, self-serving, and only creates drama that everyone says they "hate"...yet FEED off of.
Not cool.
My opinion.
Just sayin'
DD
is the sources are not always reliable
Before I begin, it's no secret that at one time, when I rejoined the Florida group that peopled PM'd you like mad trying to get me pushed off the board. Whether you believed all (or any of it --- I've honestly never known what I did or what the issue was because no one ever came to me directly via PM, email or discussion post) you have to admit your opinion was swayed. I guess my point is that the stories and gossip people shared with you (at whatever point they did so) is pretty much an example of what you're accusing me of above. I wanted to mention that because I do feel "double standards" are often the case on TER.
Getting to the actual point - people can say what they will but this is a discussion board and well, sometimes I like to participate. I'm not creating drama and I don't feel like I should be bullied by people (especially those hiding behind an alias) because I do so. I left my personal feelings out of my post and I most certainly respect the other provider's choice. I was interested in the guys who have been in similar situations and what they're opinions are. Maybe this has been discussed before but if you don't log on or participate on a daily basis maybe you don't know. I'm certain this isn't the only time something has been mentioned twice on the boards.
More importantly - I'm not hanging *any*one out to dry and I'm not fueling a "hate" campaign (hate is a harsh word and not one that motivates me). There has been no rush of hidden PM's and I'm a lady (whether you personally agree or not) with too much dignity and class to go around behind someone's back talking about them. *Because* I've been around the block before and because I was the target of a mean girl and the mean guy group I usually try to tread lightly around here so I don't become someone's target again. What's the point of me telling others who the provider is? I don't see one and have always tried to live by my own mantra - the girls in the business are my sisters and I should always respect them -- from girls on the streets to the girls visiting the Ritz.
Truth be told, I did sit for a second and think about whether I wanted to bring this up or not and to be even more honest - perhaps I was motivated by my personal feelings. I know this isn't the first time someone has posted because of something they felt and questioned inside. I haven't mentioned it in any of my posts but I did feel disrespected, dismissed and condescended down to by the other provider. I was shocked that she wouldn't have trusted me more as we do work on the same level and move in the same circles (so to speak). Maybe because I do have such strong feelings about mutual respect and trust between providers that I took her attitude personally -- but there again, I did leave my personal feelings out of my original post. As for everyone else's posts and as far as I've read, everyone's post has been pretty even, non-accusatory, not mean and no one has asked for details that aren't pertinent to the point. Take a minute to read every single post including my replies and you'll see what I mean.
People's opinions and thoughts (even if negative) are fine. You can tell me off, kick me in the gut and maybe even sucker punch me but please, please don't accuse me of things that you aren't 100% certain of. To reiterate --- I swear on my life and the lives of my cherished kitties that I have not and would not tell *any*one who I'm referencing. I don't like it when people mess with my money so I make a point of not messing with theirs.
I do have a couple final questions? How does a thoughtful, well-written post differ from any other provider who goes on the board, curses throughout their posts and then accuses other ladies (without naming names of course) of posting pictures that are too graphic on theme days or that their phones aren't ringing because some ladies like to click on the girls photos as much as the guys do? I think I've even read "so and so has a life and doesn't sit around posting on the board all day". Do these kinds of posts create any less drama than I'm being accused of? Is it a popularity contest? If you're an "it" girl you can trash talk and call other women out on the board for doing absolutely nothing wrong as much as they like but if you're not anything you discuss on the board (sans cursing and blasphemy)is creating high drama? --- Hmmm. Can you clarify or is this perhaps another double-standard in the works?
I respect your opinion DD but I'm just sayin' too..... : )
xo LL
Since you cover topics outside the one at hand....I think it bears response.
I've covered the first topic with you....twice.
Once in PMs...and once, in person, at the M&G. Apparently neither time did any good so, like an idiot, I'll try again and hope third time is the charm.
When you started posting.....I had no idea who you were. I got PMs saying "this is so and so...she used to be here with another name and got banned. You can't let her post".
I told anyone who sent me a message that I had never heard of the other name in the years that I have been here....and....my decision was that you would be allowed to stay and I'd watch and see how it went.
That's it. End of story.
People tried to have you gone and I said no, we'll give her a chance.
So....you stayed and went on to post without issue....because of me.
Yet....you STILL say my opinion was swayed....and there's a "double standard" here.
I'm not going to lie....I find that personally insulting and offensive.
I stood up for you, someone I didn't know, yet you still cling to this notion (made up only in your head) that I had some opinion from it.
As I often say...don't let the facts ruin whatever 'reality' you've created and can't let go of.
Regarding your final questions.....those posts you mention do indeed promote drama. They are disliked...and recent threads on this very board prove that. I'm really not sure how you're trying to tie that to your post....or how you think a "popularity contest" comes into play.
The women who engage in cattiness either on the board...or the real sneaky ones who don't post...but do all sorts of evil shit via PMs (yes...we know who you are)...are not as popular as you might think they are. It comes back to haunt them...whether they realize it or not.
Guys talk and share info. We generally don't show our ass on the board like some choose to.
Every time I see someone write about "it" girls, or "cliques", or popularity....it's usually from someone who is paranoid and thinks it's reality. It isn't. Never has been.
Anyone can post anything they want. What people REFUSE to understand about boards is:
If you post something stupid...you're probably going to get called out on it.
People have opinions. They are going to state them. Just because you don't like their opinion does not mean they are part of a different "group".
If someone doesn't automatically think what you say is fantastic...don't get all butt-hurt and assume there's some plot against you.
(these are general board thoughts...and not directed at Laney personally....in case anyone wants to get all bent out of shape and can't comprehend simple English).
The point of my message was that I thought your particular situation was between three people...should have been kept that way...and should not have been brought public to potentially create drama.
Was that missed? Apparently.
It's an opinion...and I'm entitled to it.
I also said that I had met you and thought you were cool. That part got conveniently zipped right over. Go figure.
This post is uncalled for and here's why….
This is the last time I'll respond because I feel like my time is better spent on other things as opposed to going back and forth all day….
One - the post was not dramatic and never even suggested I was talking behind the other pro's back. You accused me of spreading rumors etc. and I've commented each time to tell you that wasn't the case. I was under the impression that this was a free-thinking discussion board so forgive me for "discussing". Trust me when I tell you that I'll be making a point of NOT posting for a while since everyone you know seems to hate me and my posts. It's all so silly really!!!! The political crap that happens here is a mess and I'm sick of people accusing me of things and trying to make me seem like I'm a crappy person. If you or anyone else who believe that sat with me and talked to me for a while I think you'd find me to be one of the most sensitive, compassionate, empathic persons you could ever meet ----- but,,,, I know that would never happen. You would never give me a real chance. It's easier for you to stay in the boys club if you call me out (even for ridiculous things) every chance you get.
Two - It seems to me that you (and possibly others) wait for me to post something just so you (and others hiding behind aliases) can flame me for my "dramatic posts". I asked you what the difference was between my well written and non confrontation posts and the ladies who go on the boards cursing and calling out other ladies on the boards for the things they may or may not do. THAT would seem more to me like someone who's creating drama but you go up behind that person and support her posts left and right.
Three - and this references back to point one where you accuse me of turning the other provider out but yet you sit here and bring up *really* old history that you really don't know anything about. You accuse me of trying to hurt the other girl and expose her but you go and splay my information out on the board with no hesitation???? You made a point of my being temporarily banned *years* ago over something really trivial and something you know nothing about. How is that any better than what you're accusing me of??
In my 12 years plus on TER the Florida board is the ONLY board that I've had troubles with. I had trouble because one of your boys from the mean men club placed a target on my back for whatever personal reason he had with me. The truth is - the story goes both ways and the person that was primarily responsible for my troubles is mean and manipulative and since TER has changed hands his privileges were taken away and he's no longer on this board. Apparently, he left you to fight his mean guy fight.
Four - you say weren't influenced by those rumors but the truth is you've been chilly to me since I've become part of the Florida crowd. To say that you like me and think I'm cool is a stretch. You tolerate me at best.
I'm a feisty redhead and will always stand up for what I think is right. I'm sorry if you don't agree with me.
NOW I understand why I got PMs when you came on the board....warning me that you were an incessant drama queen.
You've been pretty quiet since you started...but this whole ridiculous episode has shown your true colors......and it's not "feisty redhead"....it's pink paranoid queen of the drama princesses.
The only reason why I brought up what happened when you joined the board...is because YOU did.
Can you grasp that concept??
Everything else in your post is complete paranoid drivel. Seriously....you've got issues.
Three times I've told you that I'M the one that ALLOWED you to stay and post on the board....yet your twisted mind keeps saying I have something against you.
You say you asked about different kinds of posts and the ladies who post them. True.
I answered that. Are you not capable of understanding that answer? I told you that I don't support them either...asked you to look at my posts that say that......yet you STILL say that I support them?
Honestly....what is your problem?
Bottom line is that you posted on the board asking for opinions.
You didn't want opinions.
You wanted support.
You're obviously WAY too thin-skinned to handle anyone saying anything other than what you want to hear. When they do....you go into victim mode and blame everyone else.
There's no club...you aren't the target of anything...no one thinks about you at all, frankly, until you go into "rant mode" on the board.
You can keep pulling your Stuart Smalley routine and tell yourself how victimized and innocent you are...and people just don't like you because you're "feisty"...............but understand that you've shown yourself, in public, to be anything but that.
If people call you a drama queen....it's because you need the title and the throne like you need air.
You are right about one thing though.....this topic is over. Congratulations on showing your ass for the whole world to see.
Wonder how much business it's cost you.
Have a lovely, feisty day.
...made a point of taking a simple post -- not intended to create this much negativity --- and twisting it into all sorts of unneccesary name calling and dragging my name through the mud over and over.
Sorry - what can I say? I've never been a suck up and not starting now.
My Stuart Smiley approach is really the only way to participate on these boards unless you discuss cotton candy, puppies and sunshine. You handle yourself as you see fit and I'll do the same.
And, any business lost is because of you trying to make me look like the devil on the boards and because of what *you're* spreading around back channel as you're probably guilty of your own paranoid accusations.
Feisty Drama Queen with a DD tiara on is out!
Pretty sure I know who you are talking about.
I actually did give in and shared more information than I was comfortable with but I'm sorry I did as I became more convinced as time went by that I really didn't want to meet this person. And that is the rub to me - it's like give me all your information and I'll decide if I want to meet you and then we can talk about whether you want to meet me or not. Doesn't seem like a fair playing board to me.