Yes I know... but 12yrs is hard 2 walk away. I don't have a place or car nor money 2 do anything. I'm stuck .. I have walked away many times be4 and was never happy when I did..
What do u do when u luv ur partner 2 death but yet resent them. U want to stay with them. Yet wake up every morning just thinking about how much they did wrong 2 you...
I knwo you have been a provider for a while now - you are a strong woman! I seen you in some very hard times and you always seem to come out on top.
Is you partner really OK with what you do or is he/she just 'going along' and what you might be seeing is some bad attitude coming out in them. It must be really hard to 'share' his/her partner with others.
Just the way I see things but remember, you are a survivor!
They are fine with what I do.. but since the beginning of the year have been upset I don't get as many clients as I use to... and it gets taken out on me. I am over the fighting and the hurt feelings...im a very happy calm person and they are total opposite of me..but they also have bipolar
If your partner is treating you like a piggy back it is time to move on.
I know easier said than done
You already know the answer just by posting how you feel about that person. You have to make yourself happy first and foremost and you are not happy in that situation. The hardest part is trusting your instincts, follow your instincts!!!
It took me 4 years to realize my instincts, the same scenario and I knew the answer for 4 years! My biggest regret, not following my own instincts!
Yes I know... but 12yrs is hard 2 walk away. I don't have a place or car nor money 2 do anything. I'm stuck .. I have walked away many times be4 and was never happy when I did..
Annie,
I returned to the business after a failed engagement. Try looking for a civvie job while "working" on the side. There are plenty of places where you could "buy here, pay here" dealerships.
Give it some more thought and everything else will fall into place.
Good luck!
You have to give yourself time to get over that individual or you will feel like you are unhappy when you do walk away. Take time for yourself and patience to get over that individual and you will reap the rewards. Trust me, I ran back too many times as well.
No car? No money? Start today: get your own bank account and invest wisely (he does not need to know). Save a percentage of your income every week, no matter how little you make. I bought my first home with cash, after working in retail for years! You CAN do it. Independence feels good. Warm wishes...
Annie, you mentioned your partner has bi-polar. If your partner has medication for bi-polar and if they ever mix any other pills or alcohol with it, it can lead to many side effects including anger, violence and inabilities to reason with any normalcy. Also, if they don't take their medication it can also trigger similar side effects. The human mind is very sensitive and can easily be altered by many things. If your heart is to try and make a go of things with your partner, a good start would be to get their mind as balanced as possible. Back to the basics of proper diet, exercise, proper sleep, refraining from illegal pills, drugs, and alcohol. Encourage constructive normal conversations. This sounds so simple but can be overwhelming and difficult for some to follow. First thing Annie is do whats right for you, take care of you. The board here on TER cares for you.
I don't give up.. I wasn't raised to.. yes he is on meds. Sometimes they work most of the time they don't. The doctor is stuck with only giving him 1 kind of meds. When there are so many new ones out there. I have found 420 works best 4 him. Yet can't always get our hands on it 4 him. Plus I'm not a fan of drugs anyhow but seems it works for him. Taking 1 step at a time and working my hardest 2 move forward..
Each relationship is unique and cannot be summed up in a paragraph on paper. I have been married twice. My first was very vanilla sexually, and in other ways. We fought (bickered) a lot about a variety of things, but the bottom line was that I was bored and was tired of mothering him, and wanted someone to take care of me. I was with him for 12 years, until I left.
My second and current marriage is infinitely better. He is much more wild and kinky, does a lot to take care of and support me emotionally, etc. We fight (bicker) all the time, but we love each other and rely on each other. We can't stand to be apart for more than a few days.
My point is, fighting in a relationship is normal. People get on each other's nerves when they live in the same house, and things that were once cute become annoying after some time. That does not mean that you don't love each other.
The best way to function in a relationship is to know what is in your heart and every now and then sit down and discuss differences and reinforce your love for one another.
As for him being bipolar...this is a big issue. Yes it can be controlled with medication. Knowing and understanding that this is an underlying issue you also need to make some allowances and say to yourself "he didn't really mean to be that hurtful".
Only you can decide if the relationship is worth staying in. Do your best to understand and support him, talk to his doctors if necessary, and yes...make sure he takes his meds and does not mix alcohol or other substances that will exacerbate his problems. Then decide if you can do this for the rest of your life.
Communication is key
Imago dialogue is helpful in communicating your feeling, wants and needs in a relationship
You have to determine what your top relationship needs are and see if they can be met
Decide what you are willing to compromise on and not willing to compromise on
Create boundaries and stick to them
Have faith that all will work out for the greater good of all parties involved
Build trust in a higher power ask them to guid and direct you, meditate or pray about it
....it might be time to try some kind of mediator like a professional couples therapist (I know sometimes folks like to call providers therapists of sorts but sometimes you need a fresh and impartial ear).
If that doesn't work ... might be time to end things.
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