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Question about monogamy?
ElComanchero 1365 reads
posted

Is there anybody out there that if you got a chance to be with that you would be completely and by that I mean mentally and physically monogamous. So no more hobbying/providing, no more wondering eye, no more porn, no more TER, no more boys/girls night out, Etc.  

If there is such a person, please let us know and why?

DirtyDaego874 reads

Definitely, positively, and without ANY doubt.

Won't go into detail as my opinions regarding this piss people off but here are the bullet points.

* Sex is not a "need"...it's a want. I went without dating and sex for 10 years to focus on working and raising my son.
* Monogamy IS possible if you are with the right person.

Anything I say other than that would be considered judgmental by many....which it isn't. I have strong opinions but think everyone should live their life as they see fit. Just as I do mine.

Just sayin'
DD

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GiaMoore1180 reads

But im sure ,after 4 years of being with the same person, Ill be kind of bore in the sexual aspect!!!!
after 4 years of doing something...it gets Bored!!!!!   Changes are good!!!!! its better to have and open realtionship.. or like me Be Single and Mingle!!!!! :)

Nov be smart!!

-- Modified on 8/10/2012 9:54:11 AM

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onemorefortheroad2834 reads

Very well said.  I agree with you but you have to find your soulmate.  I know plenty of people who are faithful to each other but they have that rare connection, something that most people are searching for.

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Icanttakeitwithme813 reads



for how long

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SoftlySarah1283 reads

much into being a free agent to subscribe to something I feel is against human nature. I am not against a permanent relationship with one human, but we both have to have the option to roam where we will (with full disclosure, of course- I believe in complete honesty with a significant other).

Posted By: ElComanchero
Is there anybody out there that if you got a chance to be with that you would be completely and by that I mean mentally and physically monogamous. So no more hobbying/providing, no more wondering eye, no more porn, no more TER, no more boys/girls night out, Etc.  

If there is such a person, please let us know and why?

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Hardwood469824 reads

Complete honesty, unless I do something I'll get a lot of shit for. Some people just can't let it go.

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SoftlySarah780 reads

If I were with someone who "just can't let it go" I think I would have to just let them go. Harder done in a marriage, I presume.

That's why I think marriage, as most people understand it, is really damaging to our souls. It makes us all try to fit in some stupid monogamy box that we aren't made for. Again, I think some people can do monogamy better than others, but it's the exception rather than the rule; and those who can't do it well shouldn't be made to feel like lesser humans for it. It's like saying that if you sneeze, you're a bad person.

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Hardwood469647 reads

I like a relationship where a hand down her panties while giving her a welcome home kiss finds a sloppy mess with a bleach odor. "I've been a naughty girl," is my favorite mating call.

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SoftlySarah630 reads

That's a pretty fascinating proclivity there, hardwood. :)

You're a perfect swinger type! :)

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golmgo735 reads

I have been, and still can be monogamous. I can do w/o hobbying. However, the rest of your parameters don't seem very healthy to me. Why can't I admire another person's beauty? I can't watch a little porn? I can't go out with the guys? That's unreasonable and I wouldn't want to live my life like that. I don't care how wonderful the lady I'm with is, or how much we are in love...it's not normal or healthy to live like that...for me or my partner.

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haywoodjablomi2775 reads

Menage a trois on an occasional basis - makes us a better couple. Our personal relationship is stronger for it. The sex is more explosive everyday - 8 years into it.

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Icanttakeitwithme802 reads


and it's all good with the love of your life?


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ElleVegas1033 reads

Posted By: wishfulthking

and it's all good with the love of your life?



-- Modified on 8/11/2012 2:34:29 PM

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Icanttakeitwithme874 reads

to make a buck


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ElleVegas744 reads

Posted By: wishfulthking
to make a buck


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SoftlySarah737 reads

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anonymousfun845 reads

To expect human creature who are capable copulation at will to be monogamous. This whole concept was
created by the Christian church men who had erectile dysfunction in the ancient time. If they Viagra, Cialis type of ED medicine the western world would have escaped this curse. It also would have helped the puritans with their sex life and
saved them from the sex is sin belief do they don't have to feel bad after a very enjoyable act or confess.

Bottom line human creatures are not made to be monogamous, it was forced on the western
Church leaders.

No, I am not kidding. If you do a bit of research you shall find out.

Posted By: ElComanchero
Is there anybody out there that if you got a chance to be with that you would be completely and by that I mean mentally and physically monogamous. So no more hobbying/providing, no more wondering eye, no more porn, no more TER, no more boys/girls night out, Etc.  

If there is such a person, please let us know and why?
M

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SoftlySarah807 reads

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ElleVegas938 reads

Participating and sharing together can keep the fire down below alive.
Just have to get the word jealousy out of your head.


French kisses to all my sexy friends and couples ;0)

Keep that fire burning!


Elle Vegas

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ElComanchero1081 reads

Elle,

it is perfectly normal human nature to be jealous and to want a lover all to one's self. Yes, there are some people who can live just fine as swingers or have a don't ask/don't tell relationship but those are the exeption and not the norm.

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SoftlySarah939 reads

only because of our socialization. Which, granted, has been happening for millennia, so we're almost unaware of it. It was definitely started by religious people in order to control society.

And that ownership thing... not liking it too much. I learned early in life that while a little jealousy was quite charming at first, it got really old really fast and never stayed just a "little". I'm nobody's tree to piss on. ;)

And the only reason swinging-types are not more common is because we are socialized to think that anything outside of monogamous heteronormativity is aberrant and therefore worthy of persecution (either socially or legally). But I guarantee you that it is the exception- and not the rule- that people are happy in monogamy. Most people want a little strange, even if they don't act on it.

Posted By: ElComanchero
Elle,

it is perfectly normal human nature to be jealous and to want a lover all to one's self. Yes, there are some people who can live just fine as swingers or have a don't ask/don't tell relationship but those are the exeption and not the norm.

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ElComanchero976 reads

There is a lot of truth to what you said. One thing that you failed to address is the fact that jealousy is a normal characteristic and all of us have it. Maybe my girlfriend won't mind me spending time with an escort every now and then. As the matter of fact she may want to participate. I do know that when I tell her that it is gonna cost between $350 and $700 per hour, she is gonna blow a gasket. Is it jealousy, frugality, selfishness? Maybe a little of the three. One thing is for certain, that if I continue to see escorts it will irreparably damage the relationship.

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SoftlySarah939 reads

Yes, we all have a certain amount of jealousy, but I think it is probably a more base emotion that we're better off without. We can learn to eliminate much jealousy with practice. I have almost completely eliminated it from my emotional repertoire, and have found that less jealousy serves me better. I have eliminated so much of it that it really surprises me when I find myself feeling any. Being someone who is into multiple partners, I have learned that there is plenty of pleasure to go around.

Being guarded about resources is something else. I don't think that's jealousy, exactly. I think it is a feeling of deep injustice; a primal feeling that someone is compromising your survival for something that is not necessary. What do you think?

Posted By: ElComanchero
There is a lot of truth to what you said. One thing that you failed to address is the fact that jealousy is a normal characteristic and all of us have it. Maybe my girlfriend won't mind me spending time with an escort every now and then. As the matter of fact she may want to participate. I do know that when I tell her that it is gonna cost between $350 and $700 per hour, she is gonna blow a gasket. Is it jealousy, frugality, selfishness? Maybe a little of the three. One thing is for certain, that if I continue to see escorts it will irreparably damage the relationship.

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ElComanchero782 reads

She has this selfish attitude that her money is her money (and she has an OK job, but could not maintain her lifestyle on her own) but my money is OUR money. I own a small business, don't make millions but have never been short of cash, late on my bills or ever asked Mom or anybody else for that matter for money. I see it as that she does not care that I may be having sex with providers but that I am giving them money that can be spent on her.

That is the reason I started this thread, because I wanted to hear opinions if it was worth it to even pretend to be monogamous. Now I can rest assured that monogamy is a waste of time and energy and nothing more than a overexaggerated forced idea that misleads people into having unrealistic expectations of each other, extravagant wasteful weddings, hostile and broken households.

Time to start planning the breakup.

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SoftlySarah729 reads

says a lot about monogamy and you, no? But like I said, some people do monogamy just fine. I'm not one of those. ;)

But as to your assessment, "monogamy is a waste of time and energy and nothing more than a overexaggerated forced idea that misleads people into having unrealistic expectations of each other, extravagant wasteful weddings, hostile and broken households", according to the divorce statistics, you've a 53% chance of being right.

A lot of guys here make their relationships work while seeing escorts on the side. But you have to be ok lying about it. If you're not, then indeed, don't pretend. But maybe pretense isn't necessary? You said she might be ok with you seeing providers, but the money thing bothers her. Is there a way you can avoid the money conversation and open a little "play" account she might not know about?

Posted By: ElComanchero
She has this selfish attitude that her money is her money (and she has an OK job, but could not maintain her lifestyle on her own) but my money is OUR money. I own a small business, don't make millions but have never been short of cash, late on my bills or ever asked Mom or anybody else for that matter for money. I see it as that she does not care that I may be having sex with providers but that I am giving them money that can be spent on her.

That is the reason I started this thread, because I wanted to hear opinions if it was worth it to even pretend to be monogamous. Now I can rest assured that monogamy is a waste of time and energy and nothing more than a overexaggerated forced idea that misleads people into having unrealistic expectations of each other, extravagant wasteful weddings, hostile and broken households.

Time to start planning the breakup.

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ElComanchero635 reads

Like I mentioned hostile households. Those are couples that are not divorced but stay together although they hate eachother. Some stay due to the kids, money or they simply have nowhere else to go.  

About money ,I am a 44 year old man and i find it downright embarrasing to have to explain to anyone what I choose to do with my money.

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