Well....I went for a massage 3 months ago and have found myself in a relationship with a non-full service provider.  I played it cool for a few weeks and then I fell hook, line and sinker.  She has now cost me over 10k in fun and gifts along with a car I took a loan out for her as her credit is in the toilet.  While I'm not estatic over her profession, I am highly attracted to this woman.  I am more concerned about her non-work activities.  She is apparently on a sugardaddy site and has had several arrangements over the years.

Guys....I'm gonna b 40 in 6 months..I don't want to hurt anyone...I was just hoping to have a hot girl who turned me on.

Am I a total f'ing sucker or can a relationship like this ever work?  I have now gotten to the point where my emotional health is being compromised and have actually fallen into a fairly powerful depression over this.

She tells me she loves me, tells me I'm her man. Am I a total schmuck or can this work?

I thank each of you who happens to respond to my message.  I am in a place I don't want to be and would just like some advice from guys that may have found themselves in a situation similar to mine.

Thank you in advance.

$10K in 3 months plus a car loan?  Hmmmm, and you're coming here looking for advice?  I have heard of relationships such as this working out, but from what you're telling me, you are her new sugardaddy.  By now she knows she has you hooked.

It sounds like YOU cannot handle this emotionally.  My suggestion is to move on and break it off.

I fell for a provider a few years ago, and we dated for a few months. I sensed a special connection early - so I invited her to my house and said I wanted 'her real name' to show up - which meant - NO $$$. She showed up and we had the hottest sex. This was after 3 $$$  dates and continued 2,3 times a week for a few months.

Point is - without the donation, I KNEW it was real. You didn't do that - so you may never know. I would be asking for time off the clock - in a nice way - lunch, dinner, movie, etc. If she doesn't do that I would move on.


I have another situation now, where I want to give and give to a special lady and if not for having the real-off-the-clock experience, perhaps I would be trying to buy this second lady's heart.

Just doesn't work that way, there have been way too many times where lunch or dinner would've been easy - she just doesn't go there, with me.

So, no car for her, no other percs she would have - but I still enjoy being with her.

You know the answer, but it depends on how much you are willing to spend. The emotional commitment is all on your side, but whilst $10K over 3 months sounds a lot to some, to others it is not a lot, so it depends on how much you are willing to spend to support your emotional commitment. A rule of thumb, if you are worried about it, don't do it. Just like gambling, you've got to be ready to just walk away.

You're gonna hear it all day long. Textbook bad relationship elements are all over the place.

Rule #1 Never get emotionally involved.

Rule #2 When in doubt, refer to rule #1

It would be wise to test your relationship by feigning money troubles, and see if this affects her affection for you.

Well guy, truth of the matter is if you're paying for her time so far, they it isn't something that I'd exactly call a relationship...and if you're spending enough that it's actually a concern across the first three months, then it's not likely to become one.

Thanks for the input.

Let me clarify a few things.  We only hung out together on the clock twice.  Ever since then, we've hung out, gone out to dinner, movies, happy hours, take out with a dvd at my place, etc.  We even spent a nice 4 day weekend out of town recently.  When we don't see each other we are emailing and texting a lot.  I've know her real name/address/phone number etc since week 2.  I actually met her parents 3 weeks ago.

Anyway....keep the comments/recommendations coming.  They are helping more than you know.

"I am in a place I don't want to be".
You say........

If your health is being compromised,  you need to leave and get healthy. It's very difficult to date a gal that has this kind of job.

Trust me I know. Best thing for you is to find a civvie gal!


Very hard to love doing this or BE loved....

Take care, follow your head, not your heart this time, your big head.

Best wishes.

No need to ask other people..you know what you need to do.

Having a hard time my friends.  Does she just want me to put a bullet in my head? I'm hurting friends.

I'm with consensus. Be done. I fell for a "shop" girl half my age, helped her open a legit spa. God, I was in love! 4 months later I'm at the curb, heartbroken. Another sugar daddy experience with a "civie", 1/3 my age cost me $20K over 3 years. She used and abused me and left me heartbroken again.  No fool like an old fool. R U N !

I had a similar experience, except she was romantically involved with me. The one thing that makes this seem like it's a "pay to play" arrangement and not to expect much (and, if you're not willing to pay in that scenario, end it) is the financial aspect.

Even a money-oriented woman who really has attraction or seeks a relationship will not have you do all the work financially.

Again, it's up to you. If you can foot the bill, and want that type of relationship, then go ahead. If not, then she's not really into you, she's into the cash flow and presents. Your call, your life.