How protection saved me and can save you too... (gatorjimmy check this out too!)

True story:

"After a 3 year relationship I finally had to do it. I proposed on January 27th 2007 to a beautiful Puerto Rican blond (there's a few of those). I was 25 and she was 22 years old.

3 weeks before the wedding, her father had to go to a business seminar in Atlanta. My fiancee was also out of town- she was in the city-island of Culebra (east of Puerto Rico) finishing a marine biology project with her girl friends.

The unexpected call came at exactly 6:09pm on Saturday. My mother in law wanted me to come over to her place for dinner and an opportunity to get to know me "even better". Sure, I could have declined... But this is the "home stretch" and it's NOT the time to piss off my future mother in law. Latino woman, especially mothers get PISSED if you decline a dinner invitation, ESPECIALLY if they are the ones cooking. The house was not that far away and I was there by 9pm.

I should have known something shady was going on... When she opened the door she was dressed up in a tight, long, beautiful dress that still left room on the side for her to show off her amazing legs. She was in her mid 40's... But these were Diane Lane type 40's, not "lady who works as Wal Mart greeter" 40's. She is HOT...

Second clear giveaway that trouble was brewing? Her other kid, my future young brother in law was staying over his friends house for the night. There were just the two of us... Me on my khaki shorts and my hot, long legged, busty and completely gorgeous future mother in law. For dinner? A succulent Mofongo with mojo isle~o: fish that is believed to entice sexual vigor in men (or so they say in the island). Suffice it to say the food was delicious...

I could bore you all with a long list of moves she made, but the fact is this: she was flirting with me and I had a massive boner. Here is the most beautiful 40-ish year old woman in the town, maybe the whole island, with a ridiculously provocative red dress, feeding me fish w/ plantains and now bringing out a bottle of "Canciller del Diablo" Chilean wine (Sauvignon Blanc of course).

Up to this point, there had been nothing but small talk. I did not know if I should be crying, running away or jumping all over her. I went to the lanai to get some air... Sat in the patio chair... then the touch of her sexy hands giving me a back rub... At this moment I was ready to run away and then I remembered what my grandfather once told me: "Men fuck when they can, women when they want... So if you ever get a chance taking and MAKE SURE YOU LEAVE NO TRACE". So I stand up, ready to kiss her... she stops my forward motion delicately and whispers to me: "I want to test you for my daughter"...

I immediately took off, went to my car and came back inside the house... And there was my mother in law, my father in law and my girlfriend. He congratulated me for my strength of character, my will and my loyalty to his daughter. My mother in law congratulated me for my composure and for "running away" to avoid infidelity when almost ANY OTHER MAN would have fallen victim. And my fiancee- she kissed me and congratulated me for valuing the purity of our love against almost insurmountable odds... This whole thing had been just a test.

Me? I was just grateful I left the condoms in the car and had them inside my pockets when I came in.

Close call.



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Note: I know it's not as funny as jimmy's stories but hey- I'm kinda new here and still trying to fit in.

-Mele