I think the only mistake you made is having that 4 - 5 hour ambiguity on your website. Just about any guy is going to assume/hope they will get 5 hours then. However, if the guy read your website then he knew the 5 hours wasn't a guarantee, and to wait until there is less than 20 minutes left, at most, and you're already completely dressed to leave to initiate anything is pretty asinine on his part.
I had a dinner date the other night. I started getting ready for the date two hours before we were to meet. I arrive, he's nice enough, decent looking and educated. I had been looking forward to the evening and I did have an OK time but --- from the moment I met him until the second I left he talked and talked and talked without purpose, direction or without posing a question to me once that I can remember. He told stories about everything from his work complaints to his career disappointments to his failed, sexless marriage and more. No problem. I listened and tried to throw a comment in here and there. The appointment was basically a dry appointment since he's a non-drinker but I did order a couple during dinner to loosen up. I shouldn't have bothered. He rushed me through dinner and drove like a bat out of hell back to where he was staying. A little irritating to be rushed, not allowed to finish my drink and then to have to follow his speed demon driving but again - no problem. We step inside his place and the talking at me resumed. I basically listened to him for 4 straight hours minus our playtime when he was actually quiet. As soon as playtime was finished talking resumed. His eyes were almost shut and asleep but he kept talking. I mean the guy didn't stop!!! I was ready for a cocktail (or even a cola) at this point because to be quite honest, I was getting tired of listening. When I started to hint about leaving around the 4th hour he started making comments like "Oh - you're ready to leave?" and "Oh - has it been 5 hours?". ----- I list 4-5 hours for a dinner date on my website. The extra hour isn't a given. It's my way of being flexible in case we're really enjoying our dinner and it goes long but he made me feel guilty so I stayed a bit longer. He continued talking and made no indication whatsoever he wanted a second cup. He was an older man so thought maybe he was a one cup guy and really just wanted the companionship. If he did want a second cup it was available; I was in my lingerie with my legs draped over his and I was petting his chest hair from time to time while he talked. Around 40 minutes into the 5th hour my listening capacity was tiring so started making polite motions to head out. It wasn't until after I was fully clothed with shoes on that he started initiating second cup. He started making comments again and for a minute I questioned whether I should stay or go? I decided to go ahead and go but he's still in my head and I wonder if I should have stayed??? He's a good client who talks a lot - no big deal. Should I have disrobed again and spent even *more* than 5 hours?
Ladies - does this ever happen to you? You've spent your time, are ready to go and he starts to switch into "bad boy" mode again? Would you have stayed or gone?
Guys - what's your take on this one?
Speaking from the point of view of a salesman, people love to talk about themselves. In fact, the more I can keep them talking about there own issues/hobbies/etc. the more likely they are to buy from me. It makes them happy and trust you.
So the bright side i can offer is that even if it wasnt he most fun date for you, i bet the gentleman had a great time and felt emotionally better having got so much bragging and complaining time to a sympathetic ear.
I guess with time still on the clock he had every right to try for a 2nd cup but on the other hand with a 5 hour date it is a little weird to wait until 20 minutes left to attempt the 2nd cup. I think there was a lack of communication on both of your parts so both are at fault.
I've had a session with a provider just like you described. Never stopped talking. I mean it was non-stop. And it's for that reason I probably won't ever see her again. Time is money after all.
Sounds like the poor old dude was just lonely. I applaud your for being patient and letting him talk. You probably did more for him with that as anything. There is nothing worse than lonlieness after all.
I think you held up your end of the date perfectly. No, I don't think you should've stayed longer. He knew the rules and decided to use the majority of his time talking. Maybe you should change that "4-5 hours" to something concrete, like "4 hours". If you choose to stay longer once there, that's certainly up to you and any man would appreciate you for that.
...since some people don't understand and kind of take advantage.
Of course you stay. He paid for the time and he is entitled to it. Not connecting works both ways. It sounds like he was mostly interested in a "listener" and who that was, less important.
....dinner goes long. There's a note on my website that says 1/3 our time is expected to be spent out in public. Our dinner took 45 minutes and the rest was spent listenig and entertaining. There's only so much one can talk about over the course of 4 hours and 40 minutes. My rate was 1000 for 4 hours for years and years. As mentioned previously, I added the additional hour in case our dinner ran long or we stayed for more than a couple of drinks. I guess it's time to be strict with 4 hours instead of trying to be flexible and what I consider generous.
Laney,
It has been drilled into the heads of clients that providers are paid for their time and not any activity. With that in mind, how would you feel if the positions were reversed? You paid for what you expected to be 5 hours but your provider left before that....how would you feel? If it's for your time then you owe the time - especially if you didn't make it clear on your site or ad that the last hour was at your discretion. At your stated rate (in your reviews), why wouldn't you stay? It's just your time and not anything else.
Without dwelling on the negative side of things, I agree that, if some client wants to wait until the last minute to attempt another cup, you have every justification to say "no". That would seem to be a ploy to get you to stay longer and is totally unacceptable.
Any way you go with your question on here, it's just an informal poll from people who seem to live on this forum and not accurate information. Maybe you could try to poll your other clients to see what they think.
JC
You're misunderstanding the reason I added the additonal hour. Please read my replies above. I'll be changing my website --- no more 5th hour as a polite and generous gesture.
Why didn't I stay 20 more minutes? Well, it was getting late and I had quite a distance to drive. If I let him he probably would have continued talking all night. IN fact - had I stayed the additonal 20 minutes he probably would have used it to continue talking. He showed no signs of slowing down. I know you see things from a hobbyist point of view but try to see it from a providers point of view. You've been listening to someone drone on and on for 4.5 hours without being able to contribute to the conversation. It was almost like a 4 and a half hour therapy session. ANYone would have tired of listening at some point.
Last, as I said -- a second cup was available but he made no move until after I was completely dressed. Why wait to start back up? Why didn't he grab me while I was still half naked. Get it now?
After reading your response several times, I can only conclude that you misread my answer. It doesn't seem worth me making a big deal out of it but I thought I understood you pretty well and that you wanted client perspectives as well as provider perspectives. If I misunderstood that, that's a knock on me.
JC
Nobody to check up on you and see if all is OK? Then agin at the 5th hour? You could have used that as your bail out que. Have who calls ready with some BS excuse to roll, something like your Dad's fishing boat ran out of fuel in the middle of lake Okeechobee and he needs a tow or your pet Shar-Pei just went into labor.
About the appointment:
If you were Ok listening to his silly blather about this and that, take it this way. No harm no foul. Is it not your time that he is paying for? He knows what time it is and if he used up his time eating, and yapping then it is his fault that there was no second cup. That is why I always book overnights so I nor the girl have to watch the clock. They know it is time to roll out after breakfast.
Thanks for seeing things from a provider POV!!
I do tend to let people make me feel guilty and like I said, the situation is playing with my head now. For anyone who thinks I left early I did offer an hour of my time the next day. I told him he could come by my incall or I could go over to him again. I asked him more than once and each time he declined. He's from out of town or else I'd invite him over again. I really do try to do the right thing by people. I know some people will say I'm crazy for doing so but I sincerely care about people's perceptions and will usually go the extra mile to improve that perception. : )
xo LL
I just looked at your site and saw he paid a grand for his time--probably added a nice tip, too. I kinda feel sorry for the guy. He deserves better, which is why I commend you for letting the situation play with your head.
No tip. If you had read my other replies to people you'd see that my site used to read 4-5 hours for a dinner date. Historically, I listed 4 hours for a dinner date at the 1K rate. I recently added "4-5" hours in case dinner ran long and so we wouldn't have to rush ourselves through a nice meal. This wasn't the case here at all. As mentioned in my original post, he rushed me through dinner and sped like a demon back to where he was staying. We spent a total of 42 minutes having dinner and one drink (he didn't let me start or finish a second one) and the rest of the time as describe previously. Clearly our dinner didn't run long so I didn't feel the need to spend a 5th hour being talked at. When he made me feel guilty I did stay a bit longer - 40 minutes. The point of this post wasn't whether or not I gave him my time it was about him initiating a second cup after I was completely dressed (hair combed, lipstick in place) and if other providers ran into the situation before, how they handled it etc.
Last, I am a nice person and I wasn't rude or mean at all. He walked me out to my car and we said goodbye pleasantly. I don't know if he's even thought twice about what time I left. It's just me who's been dwelling and wondering if I should have gotten undressed and stayed which ultimately would have take me OVER 5 hours. If it had gone that way would people have rallied to say he didn't do the right thing by me? Doubtful.
Again - no tip. I would never ask for one and I always assume the rate I list is all inclusive. Last, I've changed my website. It no longer reads 4-5 hours for a dinner date. It's now back to a strict 4 like most of the other ladies across the nation. So much for trying to be flexible and generous. Try to do something nice and people crucify you for it. I won't put myself in that situation again. : ) LL
that you are a first class lady who provides a good quality experience. You did your part and he was not fullfilling his end of the deal--other than the envelope.
It take two to tango and he wanted to talk--you listened. During the time of the date, he talked except for is 1 cup. When the clock reaches 0:00, time is up.
I know it is hard for you but put this evening behind and look forward to your next date.
I think you Know him by now.
Shame on you for leaving!
I think the only mistake you made is having that 4 - 5 hour ambiguity on your website. Just about any guy is going to assume/hope they will get 5 hours then. However, if the guy read your website then he knew the 5 hours wasn't a guarantee, and to wait until there is less than 20 minutes left, at most, and you're already completely dressed to leave to initiate anything is pretty asinine on his part.
...the reality is, some (like this one) don't. i learned the hard way, too, with a guy who talked the whole two hours, and never made a move off the couch. he was recovering from prostate surgery and dealing with the emotional issues thereof...so i eventually "assumed" all he wanted was a pretty face and sympathetic ear. wrong! when i made my move to go, he made HIS move! it was awkward and ended in hard feelings on both sides due to a lack of communication ...ironically, despite all the talking!
now, if i see the need, i take control. had i been in your shoes that evening, when approaching the four-hour mark i'd have taken my semi-naked self, straddled him, and kissed him deeply. once he was duly silenced, i'd have looked him dead in the eye and asked, "baby, are you going to give me another cup, or what?!?"
...gentleman shared all of his issues, concerns, stresses, etc. I listened for the entire time, even several hours. I feel like when a man books time with me, I am there for him whether he wants a companion, beast in the bed, therapist or just a friend who listens to him for hours on end. What matters is that you did what works best for you and in this case it sounds like you needed to leave for your own personal sanity. We all deserve to be happy including you. xoxo