I'm so glad someone sees where I'm coming from. You hit the nail on the head with the below comment:
Just as clients can not receive calls, texts or pm's at a certain time and believe me they let you know it, we sometimes have things to do which the same courtesy must be allowed for us.
Like many providers I went home or had family in town for the Christmas holiday. I know I'm not the only one who gets busy spending time doing what most families are doing over the holiday - cooking, eating, drinking, attending parties and celebrating. My family is big, we have lots of parties and I have lots of very old friends I get together with over Christmas. Between the parties, family and friends I'm going constantly during the month of December.
Given the momentum of the season many providers (and hobbyists who have families) are a little bit slow to reply to email or to return a phone call. I kind of thought it was normal but I just had someone cancel on me because I sounded a little "stressed" during a phone call today. He went on to make an assumption about what I have going on in life that has me so stressed. It was way off-base!!! I was shocked, a little hurt and really insulted. While a phone call was expected *sometime* this afternoon/evening there was no set time for our conversation. The phone call wasn't imperative to our meeting; All details were set and we have spoken on the phone previously.
I have spent over an hour of my time coordinating with this person. I have obliged the demands he has placed on my time and I have danced around his needs. I'm usually pretty cool about last minute cancellations (when people have a legitimate reason to do so) but this one has me somewhat steamed. I feel like I'm being punished for spending time with family and for enjoying the holiday season. Are providers so different from everyone else that they aren't allowed to take time off around the holidays to be a traditional civilian??
we are allowed to have families and spend time as civilians - of course! we can take all the time we want! we are, after all, self-employed and can work or not, as we please. that's one of the beauties of doing this type of work IMHO.
however, we ARE entertainers. when we choose to work, we must be able to put all else aside to focus entirely on our client and on his needs. that's what we're being paid for. if a client senses stress in a lady's voice during a pre-date phone conversation, or if he gets the impression - whether right or wrong - that she is over-scheduled, yes indeed he may cancel. that's his prerogative. it doesn't matter whether a lady's "full plate" consists of too many dates in one day, or one single date sandwiched in among numerous personal engagements and obligations. perhaps she has nothing at all on her calendar that day, but a lot on her mind. whatever. a gentleman who is paying for a lady's time deserves to feel he is her entire world for that moment in time...and he has the right to cancel if he doesn't believe that's what he's going to get.
this is not what you want to hear, i'm certain, but i've always believed if a lady can't be 100 percent there for her date, she shouldn't be doing the date. he (the paying customer) perceived that you were stressed, and so he elected to cancel. it sucks - for both if you, really - but it's understandable. dare i say that in addition to being entertainers, we must sometimes be brilliant actresses?
Your response confuses me because on one hand you say that providers are just like other people and that we get busy over the holidays like everyone else but on the other your basically saying a provider is wrong or not doing her job well if she's a little off one day on the phone or a little short on phone chat time because it's CHRISTMAS??? Have you never had an off day? Do you feel like you should be punished for that off moment ---- especially after you bent over backward trying to be available for all of his calls, emails and PMs? I feel lucky that I have so many friends, a big family and lots of events to attend during season. It makes me feel loved and like a real person. I don't know what your holidays were like but I was lucky to get a few minutes to log into to email to answer and keep up (DOING MY JOB) with date requests. I don't understand how that point was missed in my original post.
On a side note, this individual was particularly difficult to keep up with because instead of using email/gmail to coordinate I had to log in to TER to pick up his PM's. He sent other messages by way of other boards that I also had to log into. I'm sorry, but logging into TER, etc when you only have a few minutes to check email made it especially challenging to keep up. No one else accused me of being too rushed, too this or too that and all of my other appointments are still on the calendar so I couldn't have been doing too terrible of a job.
Last, you offend me by implying that the hobbyist's thoughts and opinions are the only ones that matter in any given client/provider situation. Your post implies that you let clients run all over you. Is that what makes someone a good provider?? I see that your reviews start in 2009 which means you're still kind of new to the industry and are a part of what I call "the mainstream generation of providers". I'm not sure if you were ever trained by a pro in the business but girls from the "old-school" believe in honoring themselves and not letting a client tell us who to be day after day. We're actresses but we still respect ourselves and ultimately draw the line when we feel someone has crossed our boundaries. We don't undercut our sisters in the business and we don't sell every orifice on our body. I'm not saying you do these things but we probably don't see eye to eye on my post because we have learned different ways of behaving and handling ourselves as a provider.
my post was a general statement, MY OPINION, and not about you specifically, nor about how you run your business. thats up to you to decide. you asked for opinions, darlin, i gave you mine. you did not ask for statements of support only.
lets not make presumptions and assumptions about one another. we don't know one another, and to do so would be inappropriate and unfair.
i will just say i'm sorry you got canceled. how's that? i hope things get better. 
very well said j! hers is just another post filled with personal venting and drama. and marty, you have it right.
.... at least I have the I have the kahunas to speak as the person I am. I don't hide behind an alias. You're opinion means nothing to me because you're a coward.
Yes you are allowed time off whenever you want. But what ever happened, customer decided that he did not want to go through with the visit. It is his money and his time,if he is going in thinking your not at your best it is probably better for you that he cancelled as it could be a self fullfilling prophecy and get you a bad review. I think that this type of post is a bad idea as it sounds too negative and will make some think twice about risking a post about them if something goes wrong. Sorry, just how I see it.
If I've said it once I've said it a hundred times ---- I don't name names. I never have, do, will, want to, blah blah blah. It's not my style. OK?? I'll say it again - when I write a situational post (or any other post for that matter) I don't name names. One more time -- I don't name names on the board, back channel, via PM or via personal email. Alight?? Does everyone feel safe enough to let me proceed and to get back to the *real* point of the post?
Posts are often hi-jacked and turned into to some other discussion just as you have tried to do Marty. I'll follow your lead and will go there with you but let me say this first ---- THE POINT OF MY ORIGINAL POST was to make a statement about the lives of providers, that we get busy around the holidays too and that I felt like a potential client I was going to see punished me for being busy and enjoying the holidays with family and friends. The situation *really* hurt my feelings and *really* did insult me. That's it!!!
With regard to your comment about being negative or posing a risk to my own business, the Florida discussion board is feeling less and less like a board where one can discuss things and more like a firing squad. I'm not allowed to talk about this. I'm not allowed to post about that. I'm negative if I do this. My business will suffer if I do that. Honestly, those types of statements sound like threats to me and that you're purposely *trying* to make me negative and *trying* to influence my business. If you've never met me or had a real conversation with me how can you determine what kind of person I am? You form an opinion based on a post or two I make (intelligent posts mind you) or a comment made by someone else and then try to dictate that way of thinking to others by way of a follow up post behind me??? It's not the first time and you're not the only one. You skipped right over what my post was about and ran right to hi-jack mode to twist it into something else. I'm tired of being called negative, accused of malicious behavior, a bad person so on and so forth. It can't always be a one-sided conversation here at TER. Sometimes we ladies deal with things that we don't understand. I guess I have to keep repeating myself because people are only choosing to hear or see what they choose to BUT I truly feel/felt like I was being punished for being so happy and busy during the holidays. When I spoke to this person I could almost hear the jealousy and resentment in their voice. I never called him out or tried to punish him because he was time-consuming, needy and imposing. I overlooked his "tone" (resentment and jealousy) in favor of "doing my job" and being a good "actress" yesterday as I tried to soothe his ego. How is it fair for him to project his shit on to me, cancel and then I'm the bad-guy for being hot over it?
Double-Standards!!!
Laney
calm down, You are your own boss. You can decide what where and when. You have control. Its up to you to decide who to see or not to see. No high jack here. I Just read your words and gave an answer. You are right I do not know you. I have not had a discussion with you. The only thing I have to go on is your written words and that of others. The customer may not be right but he is the customer. If he is on this board he will know you posted about him. He will tell his friends. Just as you have every right to cancel if you get a bad vibe so does he. Only 2 people answered this post directley and you attacked both, maybe this is a stressful season, maybe it shows more than you think. No ill will here, no bad wishes just discussing the topic. good luck.
the posts that you respond to. She laid it out pretty well. Then you came along with your oddball position, which just ran her flags right back up the flagpole!
Please, you do have some great posts, but I think I am speaking for many providers and hobbiest' - keep these opinions to yourself.
There have been a few women to post behind me. Who are you referring to?
Please don't feel like you need to speak for the larger group. I've had a couple of people PM me to tell me "right on" for standing up for myself. I highly doubt people are contacting you - an alias - to tell you they don't like to hear my opinions. And - well, if you're chattering back channel then you're guilty of all of the things DD accuses we girls of.
Finally, if you need to hide behind an alias please do not tell me what to do or how to conduct myself.
Laney I think that was aimed at me not you. The guy got cold feet for whatever reason and cancelled. It is his right to do so. What could be odd about that. My opening line was telling her she is right that she can take time for the holidays but if the customer perceives a possible bad time why go through with it. He cancelled not no call no show.
Please, you do have some great posts, but I think I am speaking for many providers and hobbiest' - keep these opinions to yourself.
we do get bombarded by clients who are very needy and always text, pm or just plain feel as thought they are deserving of your full undivided attention ok I see the point of your post and when we get bombarded many times during important events in our lives, we do get upset rightfully so. What most do not understand is we do have families and we must be the wearer of many hats because of the nature of our chosen profession. Just as clients can not receive calls, texts or pm's at a certain time and believe me they let you know it, we sometimes have things to do which the same courtesy must be allowed for us. We are entertainers and we do have to carry ourselves a certain way,we must be sexy and accommodating and when our schedules permit for both parties leave unchecked baggage at the door so to speak. There is a rash of people who cancel out on dates then feel they have the right to text, pm, or just plain harass you because they feel that since the initial contact was made you are all of a sudden a friend. I have had this happen many times and they want nude pics of you and all sorts of things as well as unlimited texting with no appointment. This is a very delicate tight rope we walk Clients understand the right for us to have families and lives. Ladies do your profession, do it well and always put your family time, and work time into it's proper compartment. No need to argue, or have misunderstandings. I am always accommodating even with a busy personal schedule, and I am sure you are too, so Gents don't bitch slap and be proper gentlemen and treat us the way You want to be treated and vice versa ....just sayin'
Posts are often hi-jacked and turned into to some other discussion just as you have tried to do Marty. I'll follow your lead and will go there with you but let me say this first ---- THE POINT OF MY ORIGINAL POST was to make a statement about the lives of providers, that we get busy around the holidays too and that I felt like a potential client I was going to see punished me for being busy and enjoying the holidays with family and friends. The situation *really* hurt my feelings and *really* did insult me. That's it!!!
With regard to your comment about being negative or posing a risk to my own business, the Florida discussion board is feeling less and less like a board where one can discuss things and more like a firing squad. I'm not allowed to talk about this. I'm not allowed to post about that. I'm negative if I do this. My business will suffer if I do that. Honestly, those types of statements sound like threats to me and that you're purposely *trying* to make me negative and *trying* to influence my business. If you've never met me or had a real conversation with me how can you determine what kind of person I am? You form an opinion based on a post or two I make (intelligent posts mind you) or a comment made by someone else and then try to dictate that way of thinking to others by way of a follow up post behind me??? It's not the first time and you're not the only one. You skipped right over what my post was about and ran right to hi-jack mode to twist it into something else. I'm tired of being called negative, accused of malicious behavior, a bad person so on and so forth. It can't always be a one-sided conversation here at TER. Sometimes we ladies deal with things that we don't understand. I guess I have to keep repeating myself because people are only choosing to hear or see what they choose to BUT I truly feel/felt like I was being punished for being so happy and busy during the holidays. When I spoke to this person I could almost hear the jealousy and resentment in their voice. I never called him out or tried to punish him because he was time-consuming, needy and imposing. I overlooked his "tone" (resentment and jealousy) in favor of "doing my job" and being a good "actress" yesterday as I tried to soothe his ego. How is it fair for him to project his shit on to me, cancel and then I'm the bad-guy for being hot over it?
Double-Standards!!!
Laney
I'm so glad someone sees where I'm coming from. You hit the nail on the head with the below comment:
Just as clients can not receive calls, texts or pm's at a certain time and believe me they let you know it, we sometimes have things to do which the same courtesy must be allowed for us.
Just as clients can not receive calls, texts or pm's at a certain time and believe me they let you know it, we sometimes have things to do which the same courtesy must be allowed for us.
... when it comes to my family, defending the values we share and the sacred bonding time surrounding Christmas. My parents are getting on. My father had a heart attack recently. Family comes first. Period.
I stand firm on my position. I should not have been hung out to dry for a two minute conversation. I don't even think I've discussed our conversation but I did apologize more than once for being so hard to catch up with. I joked about being a little behind schedule and that I'm not usually so "flighty". If that's a "tone" I don't know what happy and easy going would sound like - angry screaming?
any type of business you are involved in! You did the right thing Laney. Thank you for posting this.
Thanksgiving/Christmas Season is the season to be with family and friends who love you. I've at times let my job come first however, when I was hired to work in Tampa I told my employer that FAMILY COMES FIRST. So... point being why should any career/or hobby come first before your family?
Our families always come first because most of the time they are the ones we enjoy this holiday season. I realize it's a lonely time for some however they need to respect our time with our families.
I realize some of the ladies/gentlemen do not have families so they reach out to us. They need to learn to treat us like the girlfriend that we are with another life.
You are a wonderful girl Laney and I appreciate your post.
See ya soon,
MJ
Jade very well said and Laney what an aweome post! Most employers will speak of family values but for many it is lip service, they will use up every bit of the best years of your life and then cast you aside like an old shoe. When self employed the bottom line is we decide what we are willing to do, wether that is a carpenter, provider or proctologist. I know both of you have big hearts and whomever it was that cancelled on you Laney,,,
all I can say is that it was his loss! Don't sweat it and I appreciate both of your concerns. Nasdrovye'
i get that, and i unconditionally support it. you, and every lady in this business, have the absolute right to "punch out" and "get off the clock" whenever you want or need to. we are not on duty 24/7, and i don't think anyone expects us to be. there's nothing wrong with a lady posting a notice that she won't be working for [x period of time], and putting up a voice mail/auto email response with the same message.
however...i am ALSO saying this: in the same way we deserve 100 percent of our private time when we choose to take it, our paying clients deserve 100 percent of our time and attention when we are "on the clock". if a paying client feels - rightly or wrongly - that he is not getting the level of time and attention he is entitled to, he is absolutely within his rights to request a raincheck. and again, i am sorry that happened to you today.
make sense?
oh, and for the record...hell no! nobody walks all over me, ever! au contraire, sister! my clients get everything i have to offer them - when i'm wearing my j.marie hat. j.marie is an extremely loving and giving woman, to be sure! but when i'm not working and i'm in my private life persona, they have no access. and that, in my humble opinion, is how it should be...for me, at least.
have a happy new year, all!
I took your side and you shit on me when I said the customer has a right to cancel if he feels uncomfortable. This is an odd business. You have to trust me I have to trust you. Both sides have a lot to lose if something goes wrong. If A provider canceled on me for a bad vibe (it has happened) I would not go ballistic. I would expect the same courtesy. Even though you do not name names your post still resonates as a post pointed at a individual and as it has turned out He did recognize himself. I hope it works out.
the biz whenever you need to attend to other business, whether it be family related, a hobby or special interest you have, or whatever.
Since I have had the pleasure of meeting you, I can say first hand that you are a classy lady and the guy that cancelled on you is the one who is missing out.
... between myself and said client. It was really cool that he saw things from a different point of view after reading my post. I have also been able to recognize what he might have been feeling by way of J. Marie's posts. My post was not in vain.
I think you'd be hard pressed to find anyone who would say that family isn't the most important thing....but that's not what this is about.
If you're in business of any kind, you're either "on" or you're "off".
Someone earlier said, very wisely, that part of being a provider is being a good "actress". Not sure anyone would debate that point.
If you decide that you're "on" and it's provider time, for *any* purpose, a professional knows how to flip the switch and get into that mode.
If someone is trying to sneak a little business thing in between family time...and they don't do it well.....then it's on them.
It's always easier to blame someone else than to look inward, analyze things, and see if there's room for improvement. That's how the best rise to the top....in any personal or professional aspect.
Just sayin'
DD
... and without trying to sound completely disrespectful my comment is well --- whatever.
I'm not about to rehash every point I made in each of my posts. I can tell that (once again) you didn't read all the way through the post chain. I have already explained how I was when we spoke on the phone -- upbeat and even making fun of myself. I was unable to reach the phone on time when he called. I called him right back - twice. I think it was one specific thing that turned him off and that was that I didn't recognize his number when it came up on my phone and I didn't have his email address remembered by heart. I don't know why I would be expected to recognize every number that comes up and why would his email address be on the top of my tongue if we had been primarily using TER to correspond? You don't get the family thing - fine. How about me not remembering his phone number and email address? Was that a good reason for him to cancel on me??
I know you have a grudge against me but could you try to look a little deeper and maybe read all the way through rather than always running to the front to *be right* about *everything* please?
On a side note - I don't really need to be told what a good provider is all about from you or J. Marie. Seriously??
I could have written down what your response would be...and it would have been just about identical to what you wrote.
Let's try to keep it simple since you like to rant in circles.
1. No...you can't tell that I didn't read all the way through the 'post chain'. If I didn't...how could I quote a word that another person used.
2. No....for the 100th time....I do NOT have a "grudge" against you. No matter how many times I say it, or remind you of things, you keep saying the SAME ridiculous martyr bullshit that ISN'T TRUE.
I do not have a grudge against you....but people who keep saying the same shit over and over and over and over........and just post things so that they can get people to agree with them, and argue with anyone who doesn't.....annoy the SHIT out of me.
3. To say that I don't "get the family thing" is nothing short of asinine, and borders on pure stupidity.
WTF did I actually say? Here's a quote since you missed it the first time:
"I think you'd be hard pressed to find anyone who would say that family isn't the most important thing"
Listen....it's really not that complicated.
You post on a public board.
You claim to ask for peoples' opinions.
You don't want peoples' opinions.
You want people to agree with you.
When people don't agree with you... or offer another way to look at things..you blast them with a response.
Do you also PM everyone who disagrees with you....or offers another way to look at things....or am I just lucky?
Please find a way to understand that this is a public place. If you post something...people will have thoughts and are allowed to express those thoughts.
If you're going to post, then put on your big girl panties, stop arguing with anyone who doesn't pat you on your ass, and put the martyr routine on hold.
I'll ask you, yet again, that if you're going to respond to me and be nasty on the board...please don't waste my time with backup PMs trying to state your case.
Maybe you live for this kind of hooker-world DRAMA....but many of us do not.
Best of luck.
Just sayin'
DD
...it's pretty humorous to me at this point. I'm flattered that you follow all of my posts so closely. I'm even more flattered that you post behind me. If you don't have a grudge against me does that mean you're obsessed with me?
.....if you don't like me why bother reading what I write? If you know I'm going to annoy you why even click on my post to read it? Me thinks someone either has too much time on their hands, that someone is very angry at the world in general or that someone might actually like creating and perpetuating drama by *always* offering their 2 cents -- thereby making them a hypocrite.
I've spent too much time with moody women in my life who expect me to read their fucking mind. Then they get all pissed--about what I never know. Maybe this guy was in my shoes?
... we're discussing it calmly and respectfully and are starting to understand where miscommunication occurred.