First and foremost...it needs to be made very clear and not forgotten that what you experienced is TOTALLY unacceptable. It's a scary episode that should remind us all of the possible dangers we can face....and the need to never let our guard down.

There are active threads about the pros and cons of blacklisting, how it works, and how it's abused, on other boards right now. Boston, for example. It is a sensitive subject with strong opinions on both sides, and not what your exact point is about. Debating the value or shortcomings of blacklists is another topic entirely, so I won't comment on that.


Now as to the question you raised about a blacklist being part of this site....while I can see your point of view....in reality it just wouldn't work on this site.
As was mentioned before...this is primarily a mens site. Don't shoot the messenger, it's just the reality of it.
It would be almost impossible to get men to take part in, and offer reviews to, a site where there was also a possibility of them being blacklisted on the very same site.
I can see the merits of what you propose, perhaps on a site that was designed to be completely equal to all parties....but I'm really not sure that's possible. Again, another topic.

Now let's think about what you CAN do here...instead of focusing on the can't.
You can inform the ladies on the Providers Only board, if you have signed up for that.
If this douchenozzle was approved by other ladies who gave a reference...they should be made aware of this situation so they can re-think their opinions.
You can call out the person by TER handle on this site...as far as I know. Right now I don't know if there is a specific policy against it, because it hasn't been brought up before.
What I do know is this....if something like this was posted on any of my boards.....I'd let it stay. I think it's fair that it's open for discussion just as equally as if a lady is called out for NCNS or other perceived violations.
Bear in mind that I can't speak for other mods and how they do things, or if they would let the post stay.
I believe in a community looking out for its own. Anyone who's been around this board for a while may remember certain people who aren't here anymore....because they couldn't play nice with others in the real world. The good ones tend to police our own.


While this is, again, a bad situation for you and still upsetting as it is fresh in your mind...you do have options. I have no doubt the other ladies here will help you in any way they can.
I also have no doubt that I'm far from the only one who is thankful that this admittedly unsettling situation was unpleasant......it wasn't any worse than it was.
At the end of this....thank goodness that you're safe. Tomorrow is a new day filled with better opportunities and promise.
I hope it's a great one for you.

As always....
Just sayin'
DD

Please explain this to me, I was just recently stalked and threatened because I refused to see a man who was clearly o drugs!  He knocked on my door, called my room and left me a  note calling me nasty names and threatening me with a bad review.  What are we supposed to do to protect ourselves???

on the Provider Board. If you aren't a member yet, submit to TER to get access.

This a men's site, you can't expect them to publish a blacklist of men who misbehaved.

I will PM you with some woman-run provider safety organizations.

hope that helps,

Tabu

They should allow you to post clients who go beyond the acceptable.  After all, guys get on here and bitch and moan about ladies who don't do what they desire.

I just don't think it is fair, I had to change rooms and totally be abused by this man because he was clearly on drugs and I wanted no part of him.  Why can women and providers be named and chastised for bad behavior but men can not???  This should be an equal  forum!

I am sorry but I disagree.  These men should be made humans, in the ladies forum we can not publish names or numbers!!!  This was an assault on me and it could of happened to any of us!  We should have the authority to protect ourselves.  We should be a team!

Or was that banned?

well i think it is too bad that the males on this board cannot really do anything about it cuz i also think it was a bad situation for you and i am glad you are ok ...that said.... you do have power in the group of providers that you can talk to that we guys cannot, on the providers only board, so you need to put that word out and get him seen by all that you can as a bad apple.....did i say rottin apple???????? Most of us would not want to be put into that group .......... cuz i get horny once in awhile and i would not want to be shut out by the masses! write it up ....you CAN DO IT!!!!

Wow what  a drag.  I'm glad you are ok?  Sorry that you had to go through that.

Sort of a double edged sword. If the guy is a nobody and does not post reviews or participate here, then it will do little good.

If the hobbyist is a regular here, then expect him to answer the call and post his side of the story.

He said she said threads rarely have a winner. You could get labeled as a drama queen, or come out smelling like a rose.  

You should be sharing on the PO board where it will do the most good.

Most importantly, I'm glad you are okay. I can only imagine how awful this experience was for you. Lets hope this schmuck is done harrassing you.  Shit like this is a jolt of reality for all of us. You got some good advice here on what you CAN do. I know there are good reasons why we have pro-hobbyist sites and pro-provider sites, but when either party's behavior is totally unacceptable and is a safety risk, we should act like a team. If we let crap like this slide, we are going to be reading about somebody getting hurt or LE showing up. I think we can all gain something from you sharing this horrible experience...thanks.

To focus on the positive and things that we can do, and not the things that we can't.

If it DOES bother  you that there isn't an area for a DNS list or Blacklist on this site, take your complaint up with management on the Policies & Suggestions board as well. They may not agree with your opinion, or choose to do that on this site, but you would at least be opening up a line of discussion on the possibility.

Very glad you are safe. Good advice DD.

xo Juliette

....A very good response for a horrendous situation .

.... Well thought out and very well organized !

....It never ceases to amaze me the viciousness and lack of respect that one person exhibits to another person .

....Men must learn that when a woman says " No " it means " No" . The lady does not have to give her reasons , " No " means " No " .

You did exactly what you were supposed to do, you didn't answer the door.  Both parties have the absolute right to call off an appointment if they feel their safety is at risk.  As to clearly being on drugs, that's conjecture on your part.  Stalked and threatened? That needs to go up on the PO board.

I have had it happen to me (that's right, a nice guy like me).  A NS when I could hear someone on the other side of the door.  She called later and said I was too threatening physically (all 4'11" of me)

The point to be made here is that he can't review you if he didn't see you.  

If he gets physical or threatens to, then you need to take the next step for your protection.  Otherwise, leave him to his own misery.  The ladies can harm a hobbyists' ability to see other providers and he knows this.

soflaguy44 , very well stated response to Elle's misfortune !

We both know her and know that she is a special Lady !

Thanks for your post as I was struggling to word the same thing !

-- Modified on 9/28/2011 3:38:01 PM

Wow, my 1st post as a recently divorced newbie and yet I'm gonna jump in here, really aw crap! Okay, here it goes, At most levels I gotta agree with ElleVegas, the only thing that a guy like that being left to stalk and roam as an unrelenting, unreported jacka$$ does is make the rest of us men look like a bunch of, well you know what I would say.

The only concern I would raise is that what if a provider just doesn't like a guy, or maybe he's just a total jerk or maybe she's a scam artist, hey ladies you know their out there, not all of you are "the real deal" Ya can't just make it "open season on the boy's" but there's gotta be a way to meet in the middle. I might suggest that the ladies figure out a way to let each other know if they run into a guy like that, I know that means a level of communication that some of the ladies might not be down with but for the rest of the ladies it would add a layer of info & protection, just a thought. Okay, the bashing on the newbie may now begin

But not on TER.

Elle has other avenues of warning ladies, and she should use them as the situation warrants...

Not too bad for a "newbie"

xxx
Jinni

Ok jinnimixxx I'll bite, like I said  "a newbie" so I didn't know the ladies already have a system in place, good you should. However please enlighten me, how did my post not make sense?

Your post "makes sense"

xxx
Jinni

I agree with you. The ladies on this board have every right to protect themselves and their brethren.

Re: Your post "makes sense"

K, I guess I'm just an idiot who's just not getting "the funny" about how my post didn't "make sense" or your just having fun with me, either is fine with me beautiful, and after viewing your site, DAMN GIRL

If I begin to post more you'll see I'm great with self-facing humor,  I got no problem making fun of myself. Hell, I'm pretty damn good at it, when your almost 6'4" @ 180 lbs. in high school  you gotta learn how to be "that guy" even if you're a football player, that kinda stuff follows you. George Burns once said "If you can't make fun of yourself than you got no business making fun of others" and the ole bastard was right.

On a serious note I'm glad that Elle threw it on the board, if nothing else maybe it's a reminder to some of the "hobbyist on the edge" that no matter what, you need to be R-E-S-P-E-C-T-F-U-L, just because the provider is "letting you into her life" doesn't give anyone the right to treat them any less respectful then we would our best female friends, our sisters or family members, cause guess what, these beautiful woman ARE someone's best friend, sister, daughter or family member. I learned that a long time ago and it changed how I treat the women in my life, no matter what role they play. If you don't get that then maybe you need to bail.

Ok, the newbie bashing may now resume

as a 'Mens' board I would like to think that means honoring our ladies we adore - and no blanket protection for the scum bags just because they have a dick  -  the true aficionados here are more evolved than the average dude out there...  .o2

She never said your post "didn't" make sense, but that it did make sense. It's clearly stated in her subject title.

I disagree, we're human whether male or female, how is it advantageous to men to protect scoundrels? A lot of men would totally agree and a lot of men have ethics.