I was in Duesseldorf recently and decided to pay a visit to the  Living Room in Kaarst. Going solo is just fine but 2 or more would be awesome. For a bachelor party this place blows Vegas clean out of the water.

1. How to get there: take a train from Duesseldorf. It’s possible to take a taxi for around EUR 20, but the train is not bad, and the money you save is better used for a little nightcap before you go. From the Duesseldorf HBF (train station), buy ticket to Kaarst Ikea for EUR 4.5. If you plan on returning by train, buy a return ticket as well as there are no ticket machines at the station. The last return train is just after midnight. Get off at Kaarst Ikea and cross over the tracks. Walk back the way you came for about 75 m, take a right on Porsche Strasse, follow to the end, take a left and a quick right and you’re there. About 7 minutes.

2. Give the nice girl at the door EUR 50. She will ask one of the girls to show you around. You will get assigned a locker with an electronic key on a wristband; keep your cash in the locker for the time being. Change into the bathrobe they give you, grab a pair of sandals from the rack on the wall. Shower up, and head upstairs (no pun intended…).

3. Rule number one: take your time. You won’t see every girl there until you’ve been there at least an hour. Other girls come later at night after 9pm or so. Relax; if the weather’s nice you can lie down and chill on the outside lounges. Have a glass of soda, wine, a beer, or a cheap champagne. They’re all free. There’s a TV tent, and a porno room, but the main action is around the bar. The girls will not to badger you or hit on you. But if you make eye contact with them and/or start talking with them they may ask you if you want to take a walk and “hang out.”  Once they get you one-on-one they can be very persuasive and have you thinking with your little head quicker than you think. So remember, take your time. There are quite a few mediocre girls here, several cuties, and 3 or 4 real stunners. The stunners are your target. Don’t be afraid to talk specifics as to what you want her to do; she is a free agent.  Make your deal, and go get your cash. An hour of straight sex is EUR 75 and a half is 50.

4. I met a cute girl from Hungary: Delphina. She had nice tanned skin, a great smile, and a killer body. After several minutes of very close inspection I could not decide if she was surgically enhanced or not. The hour was EUR 75, which is around $92. For the first go-round why bother with a half hour at those prices? You will get better, more attentive service with the hour. The room was nicer too; there were mirrors on the ceiling and the wall. Let’s just say she knew what she was doing, and I left very happy.

5. I showered, and wandered outside to the grill. There were sausages and chicken, and some salads on the side. I had a plate or two of food, and, as an experiment, about 15 Bitburgers so see if anyone would complain about mongers hanging around drinking without buying anything. Not a word from anyone. In fact there’s a refrigerator case out back loaded with beer so you can drink as much as you want without having to ask.  At 9pm they brought out some pizza. Not exactly Michelin star quality, but again, it was free. Girls who had been hiding somewhere came out for this so it was a good chance to scope out and see who was around.  At the bar I met a spinner from Bulgaria with very soft lips. We decided to go for a half hour nightcap for EUR 50. She was sexy but immediately the upselling began. Anything more that straight sex is extra, so buyer beware. Even so, the extras were not all that exorbitant. I left happy.

6. I saw and spoke with several stunners during my 2 visits. In particular, I would recommend Kim, a 19 year old German blond with a great natural body, buttery skin and sweet attitude. Also, Sonia, a German-Spanish mix: funny and sexy as hell; and Lisa, a German-Jamaican mix with a body straight out of Victoria’s Secret. Any of these girls, in the States, would cost you many many hundreds of dollars. Maybe I was wrong but I tended to stay away from the girls who would walk around topless all day long: nice to look at but a little too much in-your-face. And I avoided girls who looked okay but for some reason never seemed to attract any attention and were always available. Let’s face it, if they’re good they’re seeing at least 4 or 5 (or maybe 10?) guys a night. So have another Bitburger and wait for your chance. The bar is the place to pounce.  Dollar for dollar this is one of the best deals on the planet. Vegas can’t even come close to this. I can’t wait to go back. Happy hunting…