A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd
> found a cat.
> She asked him if it was dead or alive.
>
> "Dead." She was informed. "How do you know?" she asked
> her
> pupil.
>
> "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move,"
> answered the
> child innocently.
>
> "You did WHAT?!?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
> "You know,"
> explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!'
> and it didn't
> move."
> _________________________________
> A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes
> later...."Da-ad...."
>
> "What?"
>
> "I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?" "No
> you had
> your chance.
> Lights out."
>
> Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....."
>
> "WHAT?"
>
> "I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??" "I told
> you NO! If
> you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
>
> Five minutes later......"Daa! aa-aaaad....." "WHAT!"
>
> "When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink
> of water?"
> ___________________________________
> An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting
> into
> mischief, finally asked him, "How do you expect to get
> into
> Heaven?"
>
> The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in
> and out and
> in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter
> says, 'For
> Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"
> _______________________________________
> One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a
> mother was
> tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off
> the light
> when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will
> you sleep
> with me tonight? The mother smiled and gave him a
> reassuring
> hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in
> Daddy's
> room." A long silence was broken at last by his shaky
> little
> voice: "The big
> sissy."
> __________________________________________
>  It was that time, during the Sunday
> morning service,
> for the children's sermon. All the children were
> invited to come
> forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly
> pretty dress
> and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said,
> "That is a
> very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?"
>
> The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's
> clip-on
> microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to
> iron."
> _________________________________
> A little boy was doing his math homework. He
> said to
> himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven.
> Three plus
> six, that son of a bitch is nine...."
>
> His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What
> are you
> doing?"
>
> The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework,
> Mom."
>
> "And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?"
> the mother
> asked.
>
> "Yes," he answered.
>
> Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day,
> "What are
> you teaching my son in math! ?"
>
> The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning
> addition."
>
> The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say
> 'two plus
> two, that son of a bitch is four'?"
>
> After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered,
> "What I taught
> them was, 'Two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four'!"