Subject: new government policy


Dear Secretary of Agriculture:

My friend, Bud, over in Texas, received a check the
other day for $1,000 from the government for not raising
hogs. He told me to vote for the Democrats, since his
Democrats in Congress, led by Sen. Daschel make this
possible. So, I want to go into the "not raising hogs"
business myself next year.

What I want to know is, in your opinion, what is the
best type of farm not to raise hogs on, and what is the
best breed of hogs not to raise? I want to be sure that
I approach this endeavor in keeping with all government
policies.

I would prefer not to raise Razor hogs, but if that is
not a good breed not to raise, then I can just as easily
not raise Yorkshires or Durocs. As I see it, the hardest
part of this program will be keeping an accurate
inventory of how many hogs I haven't raised. If I can
get $1,000 for not raising 50 hogs, will I get $2,000
for not raising 100 hogs? I plan to operate on a smallscale at first, holding myself down to about 4,000 "not
raised" hogs, which will give me $80,000 income the
first year.

Then I can buy an airplane. Now another thing... these
hogs I will not raise will not eat 100,000 bushels of
corn. I understand that you also pay farmers for not
raising corn and wheat. Will I qualify for payments for
not raising wheat and corn not to feed the 4,000 hogs I
am not going to raise?

I want to get started not feeding as soon as possible,
as this seems to be a good time of the year to not raise
hogs and grain. I am also considering the "not milking
cows" business, so please send me any information on
that also.

In view of these circumstances, I understand that the
government will consider me totally unemployed, so I
plan to file for unemployment and food stamps as well.
Be assured that I will be voting for Democrats in the
coming elections.